Passage of Hesitance
by A Sirius crush on Moony
Summary: Sequel to Forsaken Desires. After everything that happened last year, with Regulus' wedding right around the corner, everything seems to be going wrong. Can it ever be fixed? Sirius/Regulus, Sirius/Remus and various other pairings, INCEST, SLASH
1. Caught

**Hey everyone :) This is the sequel to Forsaken Desires. Umm, if you're reading this and you _haven't_ read Forsaken Desires, I'd suggest you read it first. It'll be easier to understand that way.  
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**I had to re-write this WHOLE chapter, which is why it's been posted a little later than I thought it'd be. I lost it -_- No idea where I saved to, so that sucks haha  
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**Anyways, I hope you like this first chapter XD  
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**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
**_**Caught**_

'_Dear Sirius,_

_I miss you so badly! I wish tomorrow could just come sooner, because I swear I've been dreaming about you non-stop every single night of the holidays, and let's just say, they've been exciting dreams... I can't wait to play them out in reality..._

_Mum's doing my head in. She keeps going on about you being a blood-traitor and besmirching the name of the family. To be honest, who really cares about our family anyway?_

_I promise that when I see you tomorrow, I'm going to do lots of things to you that you won't be able to forget about too quickly... oh yes, they'll be _very_ exciting!_

_Well I just wanted to tell you how badly I miss you and how much I can't wait to see you tomorrrow. _

_Lots of love,_

_Reg_

_Xxx'_

Sirius grinned goofily at the parchment, re-reading it again and again. Every time he recieved a letter from Regulus, he felt his heart lift and a smile always made its way to his face.

It was the last day of the summer holidays, and it had seemed to go by so slowly for Sirius. James' family had been wonderful to him, treating him like they would treat James – shouting at him if he did something bad, looking after him when he was ill, giving him chores. It was as though they were his real family, and it made him happy. However, no amount of happiness could ever mimic the happiness he felt when he was with Regulus, and he desperately wanted to see him again.

It had been exactly a year to this day that they had first kissed, and Sirius couldn't stop thinking about that. They'd been together for a very long time now, yet it had seemed like it was just yesterday that they'd first kissed.

Sirius had spent a lot of the summer thinking about their predicament. Regulus had managed to push his wedding back to December with the excuse that he wanted a 'Christmas Wedding', and it disappointed Sirius that his brother hadn't managed to pluck up the courage to refuse. He wasn't sure how they were going to stop the wedding, but Sirius knew that they would figure it out – after all, wasn't that what they realised a few months ago? They'd seen their future in the pool, showing them together, and Regulus wasn't wearing a wedding ring.

Sirius glanced over at James, who was snoring in his bed, and quietly tip-toed over to his trunk, grabbing his quill. He made his way back to the desk and began writing.

'_Reg,_

_You're turning me on already and you haven't even gone into details about what you want to do to me... it _must_ be exciting..._

_C'mon, mum does everyone's head in so I never expected any different. She's complaining about me? What a surprise! I hope you're not acting up to it... we don't want her to get suspicious._

_I'm missing you so much too. It's great here – a hundred times better than Grimmauld Place – but I sort of wish I was there so I could be with you._

_Just think though, Reg. This time tomorrow we'll be together again! Then I can find out what fun activities you have in mind for me... wink wink._

_Well, I'd better get to sleep if I ever want to make it to the station in the morning. I'll see you on the Hogwarts Express. _

_I love you so much, baby. See you tomorrow,_

_Sirius_

_Xxx'_

He re-read the letter a few times and then quietly made his way to the window, attaching it to the owl perched on the windowsill. The owl gave a low hoot and flew off into the night sky, leaving Sirius staring after it, yawning.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly and made his way to his bed, where he slid under the covers and closed his eyes.

Almost immediately, he could see Regulus, and he knew he was asleep.

**##**

"Sirius, wake up!"

"Mmhmmm."

"Sirius, we overslept!" James' voice was a little panicked, but Sirius couldn't bring himself to open his eyes. "_SIRIUS_!"

He opened his eyes when James shoved him out of the bed and he fell to the floor with a thump. Angrily, he stood up.

"What was that for?"

"We have to be at Nine and Three-Quarters in fifteen minutes!" James said, frantically packing his trunk.

"Oh shit," Sirius said, instantly beginning to pack his own things. He shoved everything into his trunk, whether it be his own belongings or James' – they shared a dorm anyway, so it didn't really matter. In five minutes, the boys were standing with their trunks full.

"I'm going for a quick shower," Sirius said, rushing to the bathroom. It had been the quickest shower in his life. There were other ways to get to Hogwarts if they were late, of course, but Sirius had told Regulus he'd see him on the train.

Regulus... he was finally going to see him again today. Sirius' heart rate picked up at the thought and another grin made its way to his face.

"_SIRIUS, JAMES_!" called Mrs. Potter. "Get downstairs this instant! You'll miss the train!"

Sirius rushed out of the shower and grabbed his trunk, hauling it downstairs and meeting Mrs. Potter in the living room, looking annoyed.

"You boys," she said, shaking her head. "Ok, well you'd better get going. Don't forget to write!"

"We won't," James said, giving his mother a quick hug. They made to grab the floo powder, but Sirius was stopped when Mrs. Potter pulled him in for a hug.

It was something he hadn't expected, and he felt his heart well up with affection for her as she hugged him.

"Thanks for having me," Sirius said, as she let him go. She waved it off and rolled her eyes.

"Please," she said. "You're like a second son. You're always welcome. Ok boys, be good! I don't want any reports that you've pulled any illustrious pranks this year!"

"Yeah yeah," James said, grabbing a handful of floo powder, and handing some to Sirius. "Bye, mum," he said, giving her a smile.

"Bye, boys," she said, waving them goodbye as they stepped in one by one.

"Platform Nine and Three-Quarters!"

**##**

The platform was busier than ever and they had to push through the crowds of people to find the door to the train. The pulled their trunks onto the train with difficulty, and left them with the rest of the luggage.

"Hopefully Remus and Peter have got us a compartment," James muttered as they made their way through the carriage.

They peered inside each one as they went past, until finally they found Peter sitting alone in one, eating a chocolate bar. He grinned at them when he saw them, and gestured them to come in.

"Hey, mate," Sirius said, dropping down onto the seat. "How's your summer been?"

"Oh, it's been alright," he said, turning slightly pink. James and Sirius exchanged glances and then Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"Why are you blushing?" he asked, and laughed when Peter turned an even brighter pink.

"I.. er... well, I saw a lot of Mary during the holidays," he mumbled, now resembling the colour of a tomato. James grinned.

"Oooh, Wormtail's got himself a girlfriend," he said in a sing-song voice. Peter didn't answer him, but continued changing colour, so James decided to change the subject. "So, where's Remus?"

"I think he's doing prefect duties," Peter said, glad of the change of subject. "So how was you guys' holidays?"

"Fun," Sirius said, grinning. "You should have _seen_ the mess we created in James' house!"

"Oh yeah," James said. "My parents weren't happy at all, but it was hilarious. We also came up with a list..."

"Oh, the list!" Sirius said, rubbing his hands together excitedly. "New ideas to annoy Snivellus."

"Excellent!" Peter said, sitting up suddenly. "Can I see it?"

"It's in my trunk... but the first one will take place tonight," James said, winking.

They sat for a while in silence, while Peter ate his chocolate and the others watched as the scenery flew past them through the window. The silence broke as the compartment door slammed open and Remus appeared, looking flushed.

"Hi," he said, grinning at them as he stood in the doorway. He seemed to be whispering something to someone, and then he reached out, grabbing a boy and pulling him into view.

Sirius recognised him. He was in their year, and a Ravenclaw, but he couldn't put a name to the boy. He had dark straight hair, that was a little like James', but more brown. He was a little taller than Remus, and he had dark blue eyes and was wearing a shy smile.

"This is Will Parker," Remus said happily. "He's my boyfriend."

"Hi," Will said quietly, smiling at them.

**##**

Will stayed in their compartment for a while before he finally stood up and stated that he wanted to spend some time with his friends, and bid them goodbye.

Sirius was glad when he was gone. He didn't know why, but as soon as Remus had told them that Will was his boyfriend, he'd felt a wave of protectiveness wash over him, and he realised that he didn't like the boy. At all.

"So," Remus said, as the compartment door slid shut. "What do you think?"

"He seems like a great guy," James said. "I can tell that he really likes you."

At this, Remus beamed. "Sirius?"

"Oh," Sirius said, looking at him. "Well, yeah. He seems ok."

"He is," Remus said, smiling. "And what about you? Still with Regulus?"

"Yeah, I am," Sirius said, suddenly remembering that Regulus was in the train, maybe just a few compartments away, and he hadn't even spoken to him yet. "In fact," he stated. "I'm just going to see him now. I'll be back soon."

Sirius made his way down the train, keeping his eyes peeled as he walked past each compartment. He passed one, and then turned back and knocked on the door.

"Umm, can I speak to you for a moment?" he asked the boy sitting in the corner, who looked up at him and smiled. Will left his compartment and walked a little further down the train to talk to Sirius.

"Look," Sirius said. "I just want to tell you... Remus is very special..."

Will smiled and nodded. "Yeah, he is."

"_Please_ don't hurt him. He's been through a lot, and I can't stand to see him hurt."

Will's eyes widened and he shook his head instantly. "I would never."

"_Don't_ cheat on him," Sirius said. "I don't think he could handle that again."

"Again?" Will asked, looking alarmed. Sirius sighed.

"I was his boyfriend. I... well, I cheated on him and it was horrible. I broke his heart and he doesn't deserve to go through that again."

"I promise I would never cheat on him," Will said seriously. "I really like him."

Sirius nodded. "Well," he said, looking down. "You're a very lucky person. And it seems that you're good for him. If he's happy, I'm happy."

Will looked as though he wasn't sure what to say, so Sirius spoke. "Ok, well I'll be going now. Speak to you later, Will."

"Ok, bye," Will said, smiling and heading back into his compartment.

_Idiot_, Sirius thought nastily as he walked off. He wasn't even sure why. He had no reason not to like Will, but for some reason, he didn't like him.

He sighed and headed further down the train, until finally he spotted who he was looking for and wow, Regulus looked a hundred times more perfect than he could remember.

He stared into the compartment at his brother, unable to function. They hadn't seen each other for months, and it was amazing that he was sitting right _there_. In touching distance.

Regulus looked up and spotted him, flushing and grinning.

Sirius knocked on the door and scowled at Regulus. "I have to talk to you," he said coldly, and Regulus rose to his feet. Narcissa threw her hand in the way and glared at Sirius.

"He doesn't _have _to talk to you," she drawled, but Regulus shook his head.

"No, don't worry. It's fine," he said, pushing her hand away and meeting Sirius in the corridor. They walked silently to the end of the train where the bathroom was, and Sirius shut the door behind them.

Immediately, he was being pushed up against the wall, Regulus shoving his tongue into his mouth and it was like never before. The urge to rip Regulus' clothes off was rising up inside him as he kissed back with force, running his hands through his brother's hair and hearing him moan quietly.

"God," Regulus said as they broke apart for air. "I missed you."

"Mmm... missed you too... so much," Sirius replied, caressing Regulus' face. "Did you get my letter?"

"Yeah," Regulus said, leaning up and kissing Sirius on the lips. "But I was in a rush this morning so I didn't bother replying. I knew I'd see you today anyway."

"I love you," Sirius said, shoving his tongue back into Regulus' mouth and pulling him close.

"WHAT IS _THIS_?" screamed a horrified female voice, breaking them apart.

_Fuck_, Sirius thought as he looked into the shocked eyes of his older cousin, Narcissa. He glanced at Regulus, who had tears in his eyes.

"Please... I... it's n-not what it l-l-looks like!" Regulus said frantically, and Narcissa took a step back.

"Oh, no! What else could it be? You were SNOGGING YOUR FUCKING BLOOD-TRAITOR _BROTHER_! WHAT WAS IT THEN?"

"I-" Regulus shook his head, unable to come up with anything. Sirius saw the desperate look in his eyes as he silently asked Sirius to make something up, but nothing came to mind. There simply _was_ no other explanation for it.

"YOU'RE WRONG! YOU'RE SO SICK AND TWISTED AND WRONG!" Narcissa shouted. "JUST YOU WAIT TILL I TELL YOUR PARENTS ABOUT THIS!"

"NO!" Regulus yelled, clinging to her shirt. "Please don't!"

She shoved him back, looking disgusted and walked out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

Sirius and Regulus stood in complete silence for a second until Regulus turned around to face Sirius, tears falling freely from his eyes.

"What are we going to do, Sirius? I can't... how can I... what if she... oh Merlin, _fuck_!"

"It'll be ok," Sirius said, pulling him in for a hug, and he felt Regulus shake his head.

"No," he sobbed. "It won't be. She's going to tell everyone! How can I go back? Everyone will know!"

"Reg," Sirius said calmly. "It'll be fine."

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO RELAXED ABOUT THIS?" Regulus shouted, pulling away from him. "I'M FUCKING TERRIFIED!"

"Because there's nothing we can do about it," Sirius said, grabbing Regulus and pulling him back into a hug. "She's seen it. There's nothing we can do. We'll just have to see what happens."

Regulus sagged against him and spoke quietly. "I can't go back into my compartment now."

"Come into mine, then," said Sirius, looking him in the eyes. "My friends won't mind."

"A-a-are you sure?" Regulus asked, wiping the tears from his eyes. Sirius smiled and kissed him lightly on the forehead.

"Of course."

**##**

"Guys," Sirius said anxiously as he opened his compartment door. "Is it alright if Reg sits with us for the rest of the journey? Something happened..."

James peered out at Regulus who was hiding behind Sirius, and raised his eyebrows. "What happened?"

"Well, our cousin, Narcissa, spotted us kissing," Sirius said. "And it's not fair for Reg to have to sit with them. She's probably told everyone about it..."

"Of course you can sit with us," Remus said quickly, moving up so that there was enough room for them to sit there. Sirius looked at him in confusion – he was sure that Remus wouldn't particularly like Regulus after what had happened last year – but nevertheless grabbed Regulus' hand and pulled him into the compartment, sitting down on the seat.

"I'm sorry about what happened," James said to them. He then turned to Regulus. "I'm James, by the way. You probably already know that, but I wanted to introduce myself. It's nice to meet you, Regulus."

Regulus gave a small whimper from beside Sirius and nodded. "Nice to meet you, too."

"I'm Remus... but you probably know that too," Remus said, smiling at him. Regulus gave a small smile back.

"And that's Peter," said Sirius, pointing to the sleeping boy in the corner. "Yeah, he sleeps a lot."

They sat in silence for a while as Regulus rested his head on Sirius' shoulder. A couple of times, Sirius tried to start a conversation, but nobody really felt comfortable. Finally, Remus stood up.

"Well, I'm just going to find Will," he said, smiling and heading out of the compartment.

The awkward silence returned, and James obviously sensed it, so started talking. "So," he said. "Narcissa? The blonde one, right?"

"Yeah," Sirius said.

"I thought she was ok?"

"No," Sirius snorted. "Not at all. Yeah, maybe she's ok in comparison to Bellatrix, but she still hates me."

"Oh."

The silence returned and James stood up. "I'm going to find Evans," he said, leaving.

Sirius shook his head and raised his eyebrows at Regulus. "You're shy," he said, laughing a little.

"No I'm not," Regulus said, sighing and sitting up. "I just don't know what to say to them, and they don't know what to say to me. We have nothing in common."

"That's true," Sirius said, leaning down to kiss Regulus on the cheek. "Ah look, I can see Hogwarts."

"Great," said Regulus, and Sirius could tell by the sarcasm in his voice that he was dreading having to face Narcissa and the other Slytherins.

"Keep your head up," Sirius whispered. "It'll all be ok, I promise."

**##**

Sirius was feeling a little less sure about his promise when he didn't see Regulus at the Slytherin table at dinner. He seriously hoped that Regulus had got too scared to turn up – after all, no Slytherins were sending him dirty looks, so maybe Narcissa hadn't told anyone.

"Three, two, one," James mumbled beside him, and he instantly cast his eyes over Severus Snape, who took a sip from his goblet and then threw it away.

Sirius nearly spat his food out immediately as he watched Snape's nose get bigger, bigger, bigger...

Laughter started filling the room as people started to notice Snape's nose, but the loudest laughter was from James and Sirius.

Snape was panicking, and stood up quickly, whacking the person next to him with his nose and knocking her off the bench.

Sirius fell of his chair. He hadn't laughed that much in a long time. He glanced at Remus who was sitting next to him, and shrugged.

"I can't believe you two," Remus said, rolling his eyes.

"What?" Sirius said innocently. "We just couldn't help ourselves."

**##**

As they entered the common room that night, Sirius felt like heading straight to bed. It had been such a long day, and he just wanted to fall asleep and forget everything that had happened... well, except for the prank.

Just as he was about to head up the stairs, he heard someone's voice, but it was what she was saying that made him stop in his tracks.

"James?"

Lily Evans _never_ called James by his first name, so instantly, the entire common room bar the first years turned to look in interest.

"Are you talking to me?" James asked incredulously. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Yes. Are there any other James' in this room?" she asked.

"Oh," James said. "So... er, what did you want?"

She closed her eyes and stepped forward. "Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking over the summer," she said slowly. "And, well... I was just wondering if maybe you'd like to... you know, be my boyfriend?"

James' mouth fell open in shock, as did everyone else's in the room.

"Well?" she asked. "I was looking for a better reaction..."

"Oh," James said, breaking out of his shock. "YES! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES! OH MY GOD! FUCK, I'M DATING LILY EVANS! WOOOOOOHOOOO!"

Lily laughed, and ruffled James hair, while the entire common room erupted in cheers. Everybody had watched his relentless attempts to get with Lily for years, so they were naturally rooting for them to get together.

"Congrats, mate," Sirius muttered to James. "I'm going to bed though, yeah? Night."

"Night!" James said, obviously not planning on heading upstairs any time soon.

Sirius made his way up the stairs, feeling truly happy for James. He'd honestly never thought James stood a chance with Lily, and he was so glad that she'd given him a chance.

As he made his way into bed, he realised something. None of them were single anymore. James had Lily, Remus had Will, Peter had Mary, and he had Regulus. As much as he was glad, he felt something strange rise up inside him, and he hoped that it wouldn't affect their relationships with each other – what if they never got the chance to spend time with each other anymore?

He decided not to think too much on it, so closed his eyes and allowed himself to be engulfed by sleep, dreading tomorrow.

**###**


	2. Broadcast

**Hey everyone! NO REVIEWS FOR CHAPTER 1? That makes me sad :'(**

**No siriusly though, even if you drop by a few words in a review it'll let me know that people are reading XD  
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**Anyways this is chapter 2! :)  
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**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Broadcast_  
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Sirius woke up the next day to find the dormitory empty. He yawned and sat up, peering around the room. It seemed that although they had only been back one night, they had succeeded in making the floor invisible under all of their mess. The only clean area of the room was around Remus' bed. Sirius rolled his eyes and headed to the bathroom.

He stepped into the shower and closed his eyes as the hot water ran down his body, soaking into his skin soothingly. The water was so relaxing, it almost made him forget what was coming later. As he turned off the shower, the dread seemed to rush straight into him and knock him over. Narcissa had _seen_ them kissing. She'd _seen_ it, and Sirius knew her well - she wouldn't be afraid to blurt out to anyone who would listen, what she saw.

Trying not to dwell on those thoughts, he got dressed and headed downstairs to the Great Hall, which was alive with cheerful chatter. He sat down next to James and opposite Peter, taking a swig of pumpkin juice. It wasn't until he'd eaten his first peice of toast that he noticed neither James nor Peter were listening to him. He looked at James who was whispering something into Lily's ear. He then turned to Peter who was having an animated conversation with Mary. He sighed. Remus was nowhere to be seen, so he hurried to finish his toast and make his way to his first lesson, which was...

_Ah, crap_, he thought miserably. _I have to wait to get my timetable_. Sitting in between two happy normal couples was plain annoying for Sirius. Why couldn't his relationship be as easy as that? Mind you, it _did_ take James years to get with Lily, and this _was_ Peter's first girlfriend, but still... everything had to always be so complicated for Sirius.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, Professor McGonagall came with the timetables in her hands. Remus suddenly appeared and slid in next to Peter, slightly out of breath.

"Where have _you_ been?" Sirius questioned suspiciously, but mainly just because finally someone was sitting with him, who wasn't engrossed in a conversation with their significant other. Remus took a quick drink and shrugged.

"Just been in the library," he said, taking the timetable that Professor McGonagall handed to him.

"The library? At this time in the morning?" Sirius asked. Remus nodded, his cheeks turning pink. That was when Sirius realised.

"You were with your boyfriend," he stated. Remus' cheeks turned even pinker and he nodded again. "So he's a library boy, huh?"

"Yeah. Is that a problem?" Remus asked, suddenly looking worried.

"No, course not. It's what I expected anyway. Why else would you be with a Ravenclaw you've never really spoken to? You probably stare at each other all the time in the library."

Remus flushed and chose not to speak, focusing on his timetable. "Arithmancy first," he said, standing up again. "I'll see you later, Sirius."

"Bye," Sirius said. For some reason, he felt like hitting someone and he didn't know who. He was getting angrier and angrier by the second, and one of the most frustrating things about it was that he didn't know _why_ he felt this way. He decided to take his mind off his anger by reading his timetable. Muggle Studies, then Charms, then lunch. After lunch he had Potions and Defence Against the Dark Arts.

He stood up and made his way towards his classroom for Muggle Studies. He was glad to get there early - it gave him time to think. He leaned back against the wall, letting his bag fall to the floor. What was he going to do about Narcissa?

As if on cue, he caught sight of her blonde hair at the end of the corridor. He pressed back against the wall trying to hide, but she'd already seen him. He groaned and braced himself as she came face-to-face with him.

"Can I help you?" He asked in an irritated voice. She raised her eyebrows.

"No darling. You're the one who needs help," she drawled. "Mental help. You're mad."

"Why don't you keep your nose out of other people's business?" Sirius spat.

"I'd have been glad to if I hadn't walked in on that disgusting show in the bathroom. Ok, I can understand if you have those disturbing fantasies because you're abnormal anyway, but forcing it on Reg, too? How could you do that?"

"_Force_ it on him?" Sirius said angrily. "Who said I was forcing it on him?"

"He told me last night. It's sick! Think about someone else other than yourself for once. Maybe think about the idea that he is _normal_. You know what that is, blood-traitor? Someone who stays true to their family, someone who falls for someone of the _opposite_ gender. Definitely not anyone who thinks of their own _brother_ in that way!"

"I'm not forcing him into anything! He kissed me in the first place! It was _him_ who started it!" Sirius shouted, anger bubbling inside him, and not just at Narcissa, but at Regulus. How _dare_ he lie about it? How _dare_ he make out that Sirius was forcing him into being in a relationship?

"You're a liar!" Narcissa spat, shoving him back against the wall. He was so angry, the only thing he could do was laugh.

"Stop pretending to be Bellatrix!" Sirius yelled at her, and she stepped back, her nostrils flaring. He had obviously hit a nerve there. He decided to carry on. "Jealous, are you? That people are scared of her? That people look up to her? That she gets more attention than you? Jealous?"

She lunged at him, knocking him to the floor. His head collided hard with the ground and he felt the back of his head split open. He kicked her hard in the shins and took his wand out, pointing it directly at her. She looked angrier than he had ever seen her. She obviously _was_ jealous of her older sister.

His head was in so much pain, and he nearly fainted when he noticed the pool of blood on the floor where he'd been lying. He ran towards her, pushing her against the wall and holding her there by her neck. She was struggling to breathe, and Sirius really couldn't care less. He was so angry at everything and fortunately, Narcissa was there to take it all out on. He didn't even care if he killed her...

He was vaguely aware of her strained pleas to stop, but he wasn't listening. He was pulled back suddenly, and he fell to the floor, the room seeming to come in and out of focus. He could see Narcissa fall to the ground opposite him, clasping her neck in pain and he could hear her breathing heavily.

Lily was crouched in front of her speaking hurriedly. "Are you ok? Speak to me? Can you understand?"

"Of course... I can... understand... you... you filthy... mudblood... leave... me alone!" She struggled to say, and breaking into a coughing fit seconds afterwards. Sirius could see she was coughing up blood and smiled to himself in satisfaction. He then saw Lily come towards him, and she looked worried.

"You need to go to the hospital wing, Black," she said, placing her hand on his forehead. She stood up. "I'm getting help. I promise I'll be back in a minute."

**##**

When Sirius opened his eyes, he was staring at the familiar ceiling of the hospital wing. He groaned inwardly. Why was it that he always ended up in here one way or the other?

"Hey Sirius?" said someone. Sirius couldn't tell who it was, everything sounded muffled and strange. He tried to sit up and he was shoved back down. He saw Madame Pomfrey above him looking worried.

"Don't try and sit up for a while, Mr. Black. That head injury will just get worse if you do."

"Fine," he said.

"Sirius, are you alright?" said the voice again, and Sirius could now tell that it was James.

"I'm fine," he lied. "How long have I been here?"

"Only a couple of hours," James said. "Lucky Lily found you."

"Yeah."

James didn't say anything, but Sirius could hear another, female voice coming from the bed opposite him.

"Yes, I'm fine, I suppose," she said. "No, it was just my blood-traitor cousin that did it to me."

_Great_, Sirius thought. _Narcissa's in here too_.

"Why did he do it to you, honey?" Lucius asked her in concern. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"I went to have a go at him, because he's sick and twisted and I caught him snogging his own brother on the train yesterday and..."

Sirius tuned out of the rest. She was telling people! His heart seemed to have stopped and he closed his eyes. He knew it now - he absolutely, without a doubt, _hated_ her.

He snapped his eyes open and sat up abruptly in his bed. "You _bitch_!" he shouted at her, sticking his middle finger up. Lucius Malfoy stood up and stormed up to Sirius' bed angrily.

"Don't talk to my girlfriend like that, you dirty incestuous fag!" he shouted, reaching for his wand, but not before Madame Pomfrey stepped in front of him.

"Get out of here, _now_!" she yelled at him furiously. "How _dare_ you say such foul things in my hospital wing, how _dare_ you express such disgusting behaviour!"

Lucius marched out of the hospital wing angrily, glaring back over his shoulder at Sirius, who glared right back.

"And _you_, Mr. Black! I _told_ you not to sit up! Lie back down this instant!"

"Why did you do that?" James hissed, after Sirius was lying down again.

"She just _told _that slimebag about me and Reg, that's why!"

"She's already told about six people, Sirius!" James said. "There's nothing you can do about it now. I'm sorry."

Sirius gritted his teeth. "Can you leave, please? I don't really want company right now."

James sighed and stood up. "Fine. I'll see you later then. Goodbye."

"Yeah yeah."

Sirius found himself counting off the days until the Christmas holidays. This term was surely going to be his worst, and it had barely even started yet.

**##**

After Sirius had finally been let out of the hospital wing, he headed straight down to the Slytherin common room immediately, ignoring the stares from various students. He was pretty sure they all knew about him and Regulus now, but he didn't want to stick around to confirm it.

When he reached there, he knocked on the door hard, almost breaking his knuckles as they collided with the stone. "LET ME IN GODDAMNIT!"

"Sirius?"

He swerved round quicker than he ever thought possible, to see Regulus standing in the corner where they had shared their second kiss. He had tear-stained eyes a peice of parchment in his hands.

Sirius marched straight up to Regulus until he was standing, towering over him. "YOU! How _could_ you!"

"H-how could I what... huh?" Regulus spluttered, his eyes filling with tears again.

"You told Narcissa I was forcing you to be with me!" Sirius shouted angrily.

"I'm s-so sorry, Sirius. She s-s-said she w-was going to t-t-tell everyone. I had to say someth-thing."

"Well everyone knows now, anyway," Sirius muttered.

"I know," Regulus said. "Even mum and dad."

"_What_?"

"They wrote me a letter. Here," he said, holding out the letter in his shaking hands. Sirius grabbed it and read through it.

_'Regulus,_

_We have, of course, heard about your digusting relationship with that blood-traitor. I cannot express how angry and disappointed I am at you, not forgetting how repulsed I am. This relationship is an abomination on everything our family has tried to build up over the centuries. How could you, of all people, do this?_

_We are not forgetting that Sirius is an abomination on his own, which is why we were slightly relieved when your dear cousin Narcissa informed us that you were not with him by choice, but the blood-traitor was forcing you into it. That is something we can deal with._

_Your wedding with Lisa Parkinson has therefore been moved forward to 10th September, and your teachers will allow you both time out of school for the occasion. While we don't have to power to stop him from forcing you into a revolting relationship with him, we are making sure it has to stop. _

_You shall be married by next week, and all shall be forgotten. I have informed your fiance of the change of date, and the details of the wedding are enclosed in this letter as well._

_I hope you understand why we are so very disappointed, but we are glad we can put a stop to it._

_From your Mother and Father.'_

**###**


	3. Losing the One you Love

**Thanks to my lone reviewer XD You are awesome, my friend ;)  
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**Anyway, I know others are reading since you've favourited it, so at least I know more than one person is reading XD  
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**Hope you like this chapter:  
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* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Losing the One you Love_  
**

Sirius was sure this had been the worst day in his life as he trudged slowly back up to the Gryffindor common room, kicking anything and everything that got in his way. He hated his family - he hated his parents for forcing Regulus to get married, he hated Regulus for lying about their relationship, he hated Bellatrix because... well, she was Bellatrix, he hated Narcissa because she had told everyone about his relationship, and he _hated_ Andromeda for leaving him with these people.

As he stepped through the portrait hole, he felt as if he was the only person in the world. Nobody could understand what he was going through - no one. There was James, sitting there happily in front of the fire with Lily. There was Peter and Mary playing exploding snap in the corner. There was everyone having the times of their lives, and there was Sirius. Dying inside.

He managed to walk straight through the common room unnoticed by everyone else, and up into the dormitory, where he shut the door and collapsed onto the floor, letting everything out. He felt like he'd needed to cry for a long time, and strangely it felt a bit better now that he was crying.

"Sirius?"

Sirius hastily wiped his tears away and sat up straight. "Remus?"

Remus peered out from behind his bed. He had a book in one hand and a quill in the other. "Are you alright there?"

"No."

"What's wrong?" Remus asked, stepping carefully over the mess in the bedroom to get to where Sirius was sitting. He bit his lip and dropped down next to Sirius.

"Everything," choked Sirius quietly. "My life is so messed up."

Remus sighed and put his arm around Sirius comfortingly, and Sirius leaned into the hug. He carried on crying into Remus' shoulder without embarrassment - Remus was someone you could trust not to laugh at something like this. He knew what it was like to feel pain. _Pain that you caused_, Sirius reminded himself miserably.

"So come on. It sounds to me like you've been waiting for that for a long time. What's happened, Padfoot?" Remus asked. Sirius wiped his eyes again and nodded.

"The train," he sniffed. "When Narcissa saw me and Reg kissing. I knew that wasn't going to end well, and Reg's wedding coming up in December! Well, you know what happened today. Me and Narcissa got into a huge fight and now she's told everyone about us, including my parents and they're making Reg marry his fiance _NEXT WEEK_!" Sirius said. "And Reg lied about our relationship - telling people I _forced_ him into going out with me!"

Remus' face changed from shocked, to sympathetic through Sirius' short speech. "Just to let you know, I didn't know she'd told anyone, so I bet there aren't that many people who know. What Regulus said was terrible, you have the right to be angry with him, and the wedding... well I really don't know what to say, Sirius. I don't know if there's much you can do about that."

"There's got to be _something_!" Sirius said desperately. "I can't let my boyfriend get married to someone else! How... what... what would you do if your boyfriend was getting married?"

"I don't know, Sirius. Really, I'd have to be in that situation to think clearly about how I would act in it. Look, I think... and please don't get mad or anything... maybe you should just move on. Sirius, please don't look at me like that... it's just my opinion."

"But-"

"- You're his brother! You should have never got together in the first place. I know that, and I _know_ you know that somewhere deep inside. That's why you were so scared for people to find out."

"What, so you just expect me to be able to _move on_? I can't do that!" Sirius said, now shouting, with new tears in his eyes. Remus smiled sadly.

"It's up to you, but I know how much it'll hurt you if you watch him marrying someone else. You'd be better to move on," he said, standing up.

Sirius stayed on the floor. He couldn't break up with Regulus. Never.

**##**

The first week of school seemed to drag on forever and it also seemed as though someone had stood on top of the world and yelled that Sirius and Regulus were together, because _everybody_ knew. The worst part was, they didn't even try to pretend the didn't know. Some of the things people would shout out in the corridors made Sirius so angry, he ended up losing nearly every house point Gryffindor had earned, and he was almost constantly in the hospital wing.

Regulus was fine. He had his strong Slytherin guard around him at all times, so nobody could say anything without being hexed. Sirius loathed that. How was it fair that Sirius got all the nasty comments, when Regulus was the one who kissed him to begin with.

It was late, and Sirius was sitting alone in the astronomy tower, lost in his thoughts. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Regulus standing there staring at him.

"Oh, it's you," Sirius said, turning back to look out at the view from the astronomy tower. He heard Regulus sigh, and then felt two arms wrap around him. Sirius pushed Regulus away and walked to the other side of the room, anger rising up in him with every second.

"Sirius, I-"

"HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO ASK ME TO FORGIVE YOU?" Sirius bellowed. "You always seem to mess things up and do you know why? I'll tell you. Because you're a fucking coward, that's why!"

"Please!" Regulus said. "Listen to me!"

"No! Why should I? So I can hear another lame excuse? So I can say 'It's fine! Let's stay together, even though you _keep_ betraying me!'?"

"I d-didn't mean to," Regulus sobbed, grabbing Sirius and pulling him in for a desperate kiss. Sirius shoved him back.

"I don't _want_ to kiss you! I don't _want_ you up here! I was up here to be _alone_! Don't you know? I'm used to having to deal with things alone now, since you abandoned me to have your loyal wall of Slytherins guiding you through the castle so you don't have to listen to the _crap_ people are saying!"

"I'm sorry!"

"No, you're not! You're not sorry one bit! I bet you haven't even tried... not even attempted to call off that damned wedding, have you?"

Regulus' eyes were filled with tears and he remained silent, until eventually he gave a small whimper and shook his head.

"Great!" Sirius shouted, his voice getting carryed off by the wind. "Well why are you up here then? Don't you have a big day tomorrow?"

"I came to tell you I'm sorry!" Regulus said. "I'm so sorry I haven't been here for you and I'm sorry I'm not as brave as you. I'm _sorry_! What else do you expect me to do about it?"

"Call off your stupid wedding!" Sirius shouted back. "_I_ don't want to hear about you getting married to some bimbo girl! You're _my_ boyfriend!"

"But _they're_ my family, and I can't betray them, Sirius. Not like you did."

"It's either betray them, or betray me. You decide."

With that, Sirius stormed out of the astronomy tower and down to the Gryffindor common room, where he marched straight up to his dormitory and into bed, fully clothed. Needless to say, he didn't sleep at all.

**##**

"Come on Sirius," Remus said exhaustedely, pulling Sirius up from the table at breakfast. "We have a lesson!"

Sirius didn't even attempt to move - he let Remus pull him all the way to their Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, and right into his seat. Their teacher, Professor Dorney entered the classroom and informed them they'd be learning more about how to do non-verbal spells today, which put Sirius in an even fouler mood.

He was sat next to James, who sensed Sirius' bad mood and decided not to talk to him straight away. Sirius had been staring at the boy in front of him for the last ten minutes with such a death-glare, people were watching in worry. Eventually, James spoke up.

"Would you stop that? If he turns around, Remus'll go mental!" James said. Sure enough, when Sirius looked, he noticed that the boy he'd been glaring at was Will Parker, Remus' boyfriend. He was chatting away to Remus, obviously oblivious to Sirius' glare.

"What? I'm just pissed off, Ok? I didn't even notice I was glaring."

"Ok then," James said. "Right, let's start, shall we?"

"Whatever."

By the end of the lesson, they had both mastered the non-verbal spells and weren't set any homework. They waited up for Remus and Peter outside the classroom.

"All your moodiness has stopped us from carrying out 'Operation Snivellus Sabotage'," James said quietly. Sirius' lips quirked for a second, but then his face went back to how it was when Remus and Will walked out of the classroom hand-in-hand.

"Is it alright if Will comes with us to the common room? It's just, I want to spend time with you guys, but I never get to spend any time with him," Remus asked hopefully. Will looked a little nervous, so James smiled at him.

"Sure," he said. "We'll all be with our girlfriends anyway."

Sirius shot James a furious look, and James sighed. "Sorry. I forgot."

"The fucking wedding is today!" Sirius shouted, and a few people's heads turned. "_He's_ not here. _She's _not here. He didn't even try to stop it from happening."

"Who are you talking about?" Will asked. Sirius gritted his teeth.

"None of your fucking business!"

"Hey, shut up Sirius," James said, shooting an apologetic glance at Will, who shrugged as if he didn't mind. Peter appeared behind them and Sirius let out a sigh of relief.

"Finally. You take your time mate, come on, let's go back to the common room."

Nobody spoke the whole way up to the common room in fear of getting snapped at by Sirius. When they finally got in there, they all headed for the sofas by the fire and sat down.

"I love your common room. Seems much warmer than ours," Will said as he looked around the room. Sirius couldn't help feeling irritated by everything Will said, and he didn't know why.

"What's yours like?" Remus asked, leaning against Will's chest.

"It's quite similar, except there are more books and tables. The colours are different too, of course."

"Sounds great," Remus laughed. "You know me and books."

"Oh yes I do..."

Sirius had to hold back the urge to punch Will in the face. He occupied himself with talking to James instead.

"So about 'Operation Snivellus Sabotage'?" he said, forcing a smile on his face. James' face lit up instantly and leaned closer to Sirius.

"Right, I was thinking about the one where his hair turns pink and he can only get rid of it by saying 'I love you' to Professor Slughorn."

"Great thinking, but you know-"

"- Who's Snivellus?" asked Will. Sirius took a deep breath, but before he could answer, Remus did.

"Oh, do you know that boy in Slytherin? Severus Snape. Yeah, they call him 'Snivellus'. I keep asking them to stop, but they won't."

"So you say you want to turn his hair pink?" Will asked James and Sirius. James nodded, and Will smiled. "How about making it so whenever anyone mentions his pink hair, he sneezes out glitter? I know this nifty little charm that you could add to make that work."

James and Sirius thought for a moment, and Sirius hated to admit that Will's idea was excellent. After a minute, he nodded stifly. "Yeah. That sounds great."

"Ooh, look! Lily's coming. I'd better go see her. Bye, guys," James said, heading off to see her. Sirius was left alone with Will and Remus, as Peter was long-gone - sitting in the corner snogging Mary.

Will kept whispering in Remus' ear, making him giggle and blush, which really irked Sirius off. He abruptly stood up and headed for the portrait hole.

"Where are you going?" Remus asked. Sirius shrugged.

"I just need some fresh air," he said, slamming the portrait back against the frame.

**##**

The rest of the day went by in the same way - Sirius spending a little bit of time with the rest of the Marauders and then escaping when he got too frustrated.

The next morning was the worst morning Sirius had ever experienced. He was so anxious about Regulus. Had he got married? Had he called it off? There would only be one way to find out.

He got ready almost robotically that morning, scared about what he would find down in the Great Hall. When he finally got there, he scanned the Slytherin table, and sure enough, Regulus was there again, sitting with Lisa.

Sirius' eyes automatically moved down to their hands, and his worst fears were confirmed. Rings on their fingers. Regulus was no longer his.

**###**


	4. Kiss

**I hope you like this next chapter :3  
**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Kiss_  
**

The next month passed in a whirlwind of emotion for Sirius. He was so confused about everything he was feeling, and he took it out on anyone who he could. He knew he was beginning to get on people's nerves, but he had the right to... right?

His boyfriend had got married to someone else, and not even tried to stop it from happening. Of course he had a right to feel angry, betrayed, upset. But most of all, he felt lonely. Everyone around him seemed happy and content, chatting away to their boyfriends and girlfriends, while he was sitting there in pain. It wasn't fair.

Sirius hadn't talked to Regulus since their argument on the astronomy tower, but he'd seen him chatting with Lisa Parkinson plenty of times, and he couldn't stand it. It almost felt like Regulus preferred Lisa to him.

Regulus had attempted to speak to Sirius a couple of times, but that only resulted in Sirius marching off in the opposite direction and punching the wall harder than necessary. He'd been in the hospital wing a lot.

The common room was full of people excited about the first Hogsmeade trip of the year, and Sirius trudged down the stairs to join James, Remus, Lily, Mary and Peter who were waiting for him. He really didn't want to go, but James promised they wouldn't leave him out. Sirius couldn't be bothered to argue.

"So, you ready to go?" James asked as Sirius joined them. Sirius shrugged in answer and they all left the common room, Peter and Mary holding hands while James and Lily had their arms around each other. Sirius was walking behind the couples, scowling.

"You could at least try to _look_ a bit happier," Remus said as he walked beside Sirius. This made him scowl even more.

"Shut up," he said. Remus sighed.

"Look, I know it must be hard, but it's also hard for us, you know? You're never open to any of our opinions or advice, and you snap at us all the time. We just want the old Sirius back," he said sadly.

"I hate him," Sirius growled, kicking the wall.

"You don't," said Remus. "You're just angry, that's all. Don't say you hate him."

"_WHY NOT_?" Sirius shouted. "You told me you hated me last year and you didn't! Why should _you_ be allowed to say things, and I'm not?"

"Sirius, please calm down," Remus pleaded. The others had turned around and were watching them in silence.

"No, I won't fucking calm down, Ok? I'm _sorry_ I'm taking it out on you, but YOU'RE THE ONLY PEOPLE I _CAN_ TAKE IT OUT ON!"

"Sirius..."

"No! Just leave me alone!" Sirius shouted, turning to go back, when James stepped in.

"You promised you'd come out with us today," James reminded him.

"Oh, so I can sit there while you kiss Lily and Peter kisses Mary and feel like killing myself because I can't do that with my boyfriend? That sounds like loads of fun!" Sirius said in mock cheerfulness.

"No," James said calmly. "So you can socialise again. You've been depressed for a month, mate. You need to talk to people."

"Whatever," Sirius said, following them out of the castle. When they reached the gates, Remus told them to wait a minute. He returned with Will, and they were holding hands. Sirius felt like throwing up. Couples. Everywhere.

Everytime he saw Will, he could feel the blood bubbling up inside him, and he felt like he was going to explode with anger. Almost like how he felt when he saw Lisa. At least he had a _reason_ to hate her, though. He wasn't sure what it was with Will.

They finally reached the village of Hogsmeade, where the streets were already packed with Hogwarts students. They went into Honeydukes first, where - no surprise - Peter and Remus bought loads of chocolate. Sirius didn't feel like buying anything, so just remained outside in the cold.

Everybody was so happy. So oblivious to him, and how he felt at that moment, and the pain deepened in that moment when he saw Regulus walking round the corner holding Lisa's hand. He hadn't spotted Sirius, and as they walked, he whispered something in her ear and she laughed, turning her head and kissing him on the cheek.

His anger was suddenly over-powered by complete and utter heart-break watching them. He felt as though someone had come and ripped his entire world away from him in one swipe, leaving him broken and lost.

His eyes followed the two of them as they walked past him, and Regulus caught sight of Sirius and stopped. He whispered something to Lisa, who smiled and ran into Honeydukes, leaving Regulus staring at Sirius with an odd expression on his face.

"Why are you alone?" Regulus asked him quietly. Sirius laughed and shrugged.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because my boyfriend is off on a date with his new wife?"

Regulus looked down at the ground and bit his lip. "I haven't kissed her properly," he said. "And I don't want to. Everytime she kisses my cheek or holds my hand or hugs me, all I can think about is you."

"Aww isn't that sweet?" Sirius said with a huge false smile on his face. "Your bimbo wife reminds you of me. What a lovely compliment!"

"Sirius, please," Regulus said quickly. "I didn't mean it like that. I just mean that I don't want to be with her. I want to be with you. I _never_ want to be with anyone else."

"Ha, sure!" Sirius said. "If you really, _really_ couldn't be with anyone else, you wouldn't have married her."

"You know me! You know our family! I can't stand up to them and I'm sorry, but you'll just have to accept that!" Regulus said, grabbing for Sirius' hand.  
"Please tell me you still love me. I love you more than anything and I wish we could be together more, but it's hard. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I'm weak and stupid, but please _please_ don't stop loving me."

"I..." Sirius broke off as the others made their way out of the shop. He turned back to Regulus, whose eyes were glistening with tears now. "I have to go," he said softly, leaving Regulus standing alone by the door of the shop.

"Who's up for some butterbeer?" James asked cheerfully, as if nothing had happened. Everyone agreed, so they headed towards the Three Broomsticks. When they got inside, most of the bigger tables had already been taken, so they decided to pull the smaller tables together so they could all sit with each other.

"I'll just go and order. Everyone having a butterbeer?" Will asked, and they all nodded. He made his way to the bar to get the drinks.

Sirius turned his attention back to the table he was lifting, and Remus came to join him.

"Are you Ok?" he asked in concern. "I saw you talking to Regulus outside..."

"I'm fine," Sirius hissed. "Would you stop pestering me?"

"I'm sorry that I care about how you feel," Remus said backing away a little bit. "Just... stop snapping at me like that. I'm trying to make you feel better!"

"Well, _that's_ not working, is it?" Sirius whispered loudly. Remus didn't answer, but when Sirius looked up, he could see how upset he was. Sirius sighed. The look he wore when he was upset made Sirius' heart clench and he felt the urge to hurt someone. To hurt himself, for making Remus feel like that. How could he live with himself after making someone feel that bad? Remus turned to walk away, and Sirius glanced over at Will, who was having a conversation with the woman behind the bar.

Sirius grabbed Remus by the arm and looked into his eyes meaningfully. "Look," he said softly. "I'm really sorry about how I've been acting. I'm sorry I snapped at you but it's pretty clear why you and me... _we_ keep arguing like this."

Remus blinked a tear out of his eyes. "Why's that?"

"Because I want you!" Sirius almost shouted. "And you want me!"

"You don't w-want me," Remus whispered. Sirius laughed.

"Wanna bet?"

Before Remus could answer, Sirius grabbed him around the waist and pulled him in for the most mind-blowing kiss he'd ever experienced. Everything about it was so wonderful and breathtaking and beautiful. He placed his hand up to gently brush Remus' face as he felt the butterflies stirring in his stomach. Every touch was so electrifying and sensual and perfect.

Remus sighed into the kiss and wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius as if trying to hold him there forever. Even though they had kissed many times before, none had ever been like this. It felt so new and exciting, every touch was like roaming a new forbidden place and the prospect was so alluring it just made them want it even more.

Lost in a whirlwind of passionate emotions, they had to be pulled apart by James, who looked at them both furiously. He seemed unable to decide who he wanted to yell at first, his head was moving backwards and forwards between them as they gazed into each other's eyes. He finally settled on yelling at them both.

"What do you think you were doing?" He whispered as loudly as he could. "You can't kiss!"

Neither of them paid any attention to James' rant, but continued looking at each other as though they were seeing each other for the first time. James sighed impatiently.

"Remus!" he said urgently. "Your boyfriend is standing _right_ over there! How could you even... he loves you... you cheated on him!"

This snapped Remus out of it, and he turned to look at Will in horror. He swallowed and shook his head. "It wasn't cheating."

"Since when did 'kissing your _ex-boyfriend_ when you have a new boyfriend' stop counting as cheating, Remus?" James asked angrily. "You _know_. You, of all people, _know_ what it feels like to have someone cheat on you, and someone you love!"

"I don't... please d-don't tell him," Remus said desperately. "Please, James."

James looked torn. "Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

"Because I..." Remus looked away to hide his tears. "I just... I don't know."

James turned his attention to Sirius. "And you? What do you have to say about this? You're not exactly innocent either. You have a boyfriend, too, you know?"

"Yeah and he's off kissing someone else so I don't see why I shouldn't be allowed to do the same," Sirius muttered. James looked exasperated.

"He doesn't have a _choice_!" he said. "You only kissed Remus because you're angry."

"I only kissed Remus because I... I think I still love him. It isn't any of your business!" Sirius said, and Remus blushed a bit at his words.

"Look," James said finally, putting his hands up in defeat. "I'm just trying to prevent what happened last time. Don't say I didn't warn you. And Remus, I won't tell Will, but you should be ashamed."

He walked off as Will turned around, bringing the drinks over to the table. Sirius glanced over at Remus, who smiled slightly and said in the softest voice, "I still love you, too."

Sirius grinned and they moved the table to join the rest. The rest of the afternoon was spent in the Three Broomsticks, with Sirius feeling a lot happier after the kiss. He was especially happy because although Remus was resting his head against Will and every so often, kissing him, his hand was intertwined with Sirius' throughout the afternoon, which sent tingles through Sirius' body.

He wasn't sure how these feelings could come so fast, but he knew they were real. The look in Remus' eyes when he'd snapped at him earlier made Sirius realise why he hated Will so much. Because he had Remus. The one person who he would always feel protective of and the one person he would always watch out for. The one person he would _always_ love.

**###**


	5. Back to the Old Days

**Thanks for the reviews guys XD I love how people aren't sure which pairing they want more... I'm kind of the same haha, but I've finally figured out how this story will end... yay! :3  
**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter XD More drama of course ;)  
**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Back to the Old Days_  
**

Sirius was finding it even harder now than before to cope with everything, now that he knew how much he still loved Remus. Watching the two people he loved being with other people was terrible, but Sirius felt sort of satisfied that he had kissed Remus - it was not only amazing, but it was a way to get back at Regulus.

Now that Regulus had kissed Lisa, and Sirius had kissed Remus, it was like the air had cleared and he wasn't so angry with him anymore.

Sirius had sent an owl to Regulus with a note asking to meet him in the Room of Requirement to talk. He had to tell him about the kiss. He had to let him know that now they were even and all would be forgiven.

The door opened and Regulus walked in to the Room of Requirement, which Sirius had fashioned in a very suggestive way, with a huge four-poster bed sitting in the middle of the room. Regulus smirked at the sight and walked towards Sirius, sitting down next to him.

"So," he started. "You... you wanted to talk?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, starting to smile.

"And it looks like you wanna do more than talk," Regulus said, licking his lips. Sirius shrugged.

"Only if you want," he said. Regulus rolled his eyes.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

Sirius let out his breath slowly. "Right. You know how annoyed I am... _was_... that you got married."

"Yeah."

"But I think I can forgive you now," Sirius said. Regulus' eyes lit up instantly.

"Oh, really?" he said excitedly. "Thank you! But, why the sudden change of mind?"

"Well I decided to even it out," Sirius said. "You got married to someone else, and I kissed someone else."

Regulus' smile faltered. "What?"

"I kissed Remus. Only once, but now that we're equal, we can move on, right?"

"Wait a second," Regulus said slowly, now not smiling at all. "Did you just say you kissed your ex-boyfriend?"

"Yeah-"

"- _Thinking_ it would make everything better?" Regulus asked incredulously. Sirius nodded. Regulus stepped back, looking as if he was going to be sick. "You cheated on me!"

"No! I mean, yes, but you cheated on me!" Sirius said quickly, suddenly realising that Regulus was taking it the wrong way.

"I had no _choice_! I was _forced_ into that marriage and I don't even _like_ Lisa! I'm stuck with her all the time and the only thing that kept me from falling apart was the thought that you were mine. Now I know you've been kissing someone else, and I just... I don't know how to deal with that!"

"Well I don't know how to deal with the fact that you have a wife!" Sirius shouted defensively. "You're supposed to be _mine_! Not hers!"

"That gives you no reason to cheat on me. I can't believe you did that! After everything we've been through!" He now had tears streaming down his face, and Sirius stood up to hold him and tell him it would be alright, but Regulus shoved him back.

"Now come on, Reg! What would you do if _I_ was the one married and _you_ were the one left by yourself? How would you feel?"

"I don't know! I just know that I would _never ever_ cheat on you!"

"Please don't cry-" Sirius said, reaching out to comfort Regulus.

"STOP IT!" Regulus yelled, slapping his hand away. "You always talk about how I betray you, but this is so much worse."

"I didn't do it to hurt you," Sirius said, frantically trying to fix things. "I swear I didn't."

"Well, you _did_ hurt me," Regulus said, backing away further and wrapping his arms around himself. "And now I'm going to fall apart, because I don't even have you in my life anymore to make me smile."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, dreading the answer that he knew was coming.

"We're done! I thought you loved me but I was obviously wrong. You couldn't even say it to me at Hogsmeade the other day, and that hurt. You cheated on me and I can't trust you anymore. I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore."

He turned around, heading for the door and Sirius could barely find the strength to open his mouth. Finally, he managed a croak of "Reg," but Regulus had already slammed the door shut behind him.

_Great_, he thought painfully. _I've really fucked up now_.

**##**

Sirius sat in the common room that night staring into the fire miserably. He felt so lost. Regulus had broken up with him. That hadn't really sunk in yet, and he never wanted it to. He'd been so used to having Regulus there, but now he was gone.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when James sat down next to him, staring into the fire as well. "What happened?" James asked.

"I told Reg about... you know... me and Remus," Sirius said, feeling a lump in his throat. James turned to face him, looking shocked.

"You actually told him?" he asked. "What did he say?"

Sirius sighed. "Well let's just say that I don't have a boyfriend anymore," he choked, trying to hold back the tears. James bit his lip and looked down at his hands.

"I'm so sorry," he said quietly. "Why did you tell him in the first place?"

"I thought he wouldn't mind. You know, since he's been with _her_ for the last month. I thought I was making it fair."

"But he didn't _want_ to be with her," James said.

"I know! That's what he told me, but there's nothing I can do about it now, is there? I'll just have to try and deal with it. Why is it that my life is so crappy?"

"It's not _crappy_," James said. "You just keep doing stupid things."

"Well I'm stupid. That's not my fault," Sirius mumbled, slouching back against the sofa.

"You're not stupid," James assured. "I just think you're confused about everything."

Sirius laughed. "Yeah, you got that right."

The portrait hole opened and Remus came stumbling in, carrying a pile of books. He dumped them down on the table, making a loud _thump_, and collapsed on the sofa tiredly.

"Hey," he said, smiling at them and blushing when he looked at Sirius.

"Hi," James said, looking between them. "Um, I'm just gonna go to bed, I think," he said quickly, leaving Sirius and Remus alone on the sofa.

They remained silent for a minute and then Remus spoke. "That kiss was amazing."

Sirius smiled half-heartedly and nodded. "I know. It was the best kiss I've ever had."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, winking. "I'd forgotten how nice it felt to kiss you."

"I hadn't," Remus admitted quietly. "I think about it too much."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. Remus nodded sadly.

"But it is. I have a boyfriend. I can't be thinking about kissing you while I'm kissing him. It's not right and it's not fair."

"But it feels right," Sirius pointed out, leaning over so that he was lying on top of Remus. He ducked his head down and planted a kiss on Remus' lips, and automatically, the electric raced through his body in excitement.

Remus put his arms up round Sirius' neck as if he was going to pull him into another kiss, but he didn't. He just rested his hands there, staring up into Sirius' eyes as if he was searching for something in them, and it seemed like he found what he was searching for. Love. He smiled a smile that melted Sirius' heart, and Sirius pulled him up slowly, kissing him again.

"I love you," Remus said softly, running his fingers through Sirius' hair. Sirius smiled and pulled Remus so that he was holding him against his chest, his heart beating so fast underneath Remus' face.

"I love you, too," he said. Remus sighed.

"What am I doing?" he asked. "I feel terrible. If Will ever found out..."

"Who do you love more? Me or Will?" Sirius asked.

"I don't love Will. I like him... a lot... but it's not enough. He's not you."

"But I'm me," Sirius said, grinning. "So break up with him. Be with me instead."

"I don't know, Sirius," Remus said uncertainly. "I want to, I really want to, but I'm scared."

"Of what?" Sirius asked.

"Well, how would I break up with Will? I'd feel horrible, telling him I'm only breaking up with him because you want me back. Then, I'm scared you'll do what you did last time."

"I'd never do that to you again," Sirius said matter-of-factly, and Remus smiled.

"I believe you," he whispered. "But how do I break up with him? And what about Regulus?"

"Oh," Sirius said, taking a deep breath. "He... er... I told him about us, and he wasn't too happy about it. He broke up with me."

"I would have said 'I'm sorry to hear that' but you know that I'm not," Remus said, tracing circles on the back of Sirius' hand. He sighed and looked into Sirius' face. "I promise I'll break up with Will tomorrow. But we can't do anything else until then... it's not fair on him."

"That's fine by me," Sirius said. Remus stood up and yawned.

"Well, I'm going to bed now," he stated, smiling at Sirius.

"Goodnight then, my future boyfriend," Sirius said, smirking. "I love you."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Love you, too."

**###**


	6. Quidditch

**Hey guys. Sorry this was the first chapter that wasn't pre-written so from now on the updating might take longer. Hope you enjoy this next chapter :)**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Quidditch_  
**

"C'mon," James said, physically feeding Sirius his food. "We have to be down at the Quidditch pitch in fifteen minutes."

"Oh," Sirius said, distracted. He was watching the door of the Great Hall intensely, hoping that Remus would walk in soon and tell him that he'd broken up with Will.

"Sirius!" James said. "Eat! We need to _win_ this!"

"We will," Sirius said, taking the spoon off of James and eating. "I just need to speak to Remus first."

James just stared at him with his mouth slightly open. "You're not thinking of getting back together with him, are you?"

"Why would you say that?" Sirius asked. James laughed.

"Well, I know you. Every time you lose someone you move straight on to someone else. I saw you and Remus kissing, remember?"

"Well Remus wants me, and I want him. He's breaking up with Will right now," Sirius said, smiling slightly.

"I can't believe him," James said, sighing. "I can't believe either of you."

"Whatever James," said Sirius. "Look, Remus is coming now."

Remus had walked through the door, his back hunched and he was wearing a sad expression. He came and sat at the table, but Sirius stood up and gestured for him to follow him from the hall.

"Don't be late to Quidditch!" James called after him, and Sirius waved him off.

When Remus and Sirius were out of hearing range, Sirius spoke.

"So?" he asked. "Did you do it?"

Remus nodded, with a tear falling down his cheek.

"And how did he take it?" Sirius asked. Remus blinked a tear out of his eyes and sighed.

"He was so upset," he choked. "I felt terrible. It was the worst thing I've ever done."

"What did you actually tell him?" asked Sirius tentatively, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I said... I just told him that he was great and perfect and wonderful but... but I still love you... I always will and I told him that if I stayed with him any longer I'd... I'd just... probably, you know, end up cheating on him and hurting him more."

"And then what did he say?"

"W-we sat for a bit and he started crying. Just crying. He said h-he wished he was g-good enough and that he was sorry, and then he left."

Sirius sighed and pulled Remus in for a hug. "Rem, I'm sorry. It must have been hard, but at least we can be together now, right?"

Remus sniffed and nodded. "Yeah," he said, trying to smile. "Yeah, we can be together."

"And I love you so much," Sirius said, kissing his forehead and smiling.

"I love you too," Remus answered. "But Sirius, you should really get down to the Quidditch pitch. James will kill you otherwise."

"Oh crap," Sirius said, ruffling Remus' hair and running out of the doors towards the Quidditch pitch. He was completely out of breath when he reached the rest of the Gryffindor team. James glared at him and handed him his broomstick.

"You better not let us lose!" James said. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"As if."

"We're against Slytherin. You do know that, right?" James said. "You'd better put your feelings about Regulus behind you since he'll be playing too."

"Oh," Sirius said, only just remembering he'd be playing against his brother. "Great," he said, feeling a lump in his throat.

He hadn't even seen Regulus since they'd broken up, and he wasn't even sure he wanted to. He was sure he'd probably just break down and cry. But he couldn't. Not on the pitch. Not when the whole team was counting on him to win. He needed to put in all into his performance and he needed to catch the snitch and win.

"C'mon guys," James shouted. "It's time!"

As they stepped out onto the pitch, they were overwhelmed by the cheers of the crowd. Sirius tried not to look at the Slytherin team at all.

Almost robotically, he mounted his broom and lifted off. He hovered in the air and then started circling the pitch searching absent-mindedly for the snitch.

It wasn't until he was almost hit in the face by a bludger that he realised he was in the middle of a Quidditch match, and he started paying attention.

He never caught sight of the snitch until thirty-five minutes into the game, where he spotted the golden fleck in the distance and to his horror, someone was speeding towards it.

He almost fell off his broom when he noticed that the person chasing it _wasn't_ Regulus. The Slytherin seeker had long, light brown hair, flying behind them as they flew.

It was a girl.

And Sirius could recognise that hair anywhere. He'd glared at the back of Lisa Parkinson's head long enough over the past half a year.

He raced across the pitch towards the snitch, bashing her out of the way hard. She came back at him, almost shoving him off of his broom.

"Where's Reg?" Sirius shouted to her as they flew side-by-side. Her face turned red and Sirius could tell that she was going to ignore him.

He pulled out his wand and pointed it at her threateningly. "WHERE IS HE?"

She glanced at him, smirked and shrugged, leaning forwards and reaching fowards to grab the golden snitch.

Sirius stared open-mouthed at her, holding the snitch in her hand. How could he have let that happen?

Madame Hooch blew the whistle, and the Slytherin team engulfed Lisa in cheers. Sirius closed his eyes, waiting for the lectures from James.

_3, 2, 1_, he thought miserably, and as if on cue, James pulled him off his broom, staring at him furiously.

"Why didn't you catch it? It was right in front of your face!"

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, shrugging.

"Sort yourself out before our next match," James warned.

**##**

"Oh, he's just in Quidditch mode," Peter said that night after Sirius had explained about James' moodiness. "Don't worry about him."

"I'm his best mate," Sirius said. "And he knows I'm going through stuff! Can't he cut me some slack?"

"Well, it's over now," said Remus, leaning his head on Sirius' shoulder. "Just make sure you make him proud when you go against Hufflepuff."

"Did I make you proud?" Sirius asked, pouting. Remus smiled.

"You always make me proud."

"Ew," Peter said. "I _am_ still here you know?"

They ignored him.

"I had a dream about you last night," Sirius whispered.

"Oh yeah? What happened in your dream?" asked Remus.

"Nothing really. It was just really nice. We were holding hands and walking down the beach. You looked gorgeous, as always," Sirius said, smiling at the way Remus blushed at his words. "We did a lot of kissing and talking... everything about it was so perfect. I promise you I'll take you to the beach one day."

"You wouldn't catch me dead on a beach," Remus said.

"Why?"

"It's always hot, and I don't like taking my shirt off. You know that. Maybe we could go somewhere else... somewhere just as romantic."

"Remus," Sirius said softly. "You don't have to worry about your scars. I love them. Besides, you can barely notice them anymore unless you're actually looking for them, and baby, nobody else will be looking at you. I'll make sure of that."

"You _love_ them? Merlin Sirius, what's wrong with you?" Remus asked.

"I love everything about you," Sirius said, kissing him.

"Yeah," Peter said. "That's my cue to leave."

"Bye, Pete," Remus said in between kisses.

**##**

Both boys were almost asleep. Sirius had his arm around Remus, who was resting his head on Sirius' chest.

There was a tapping on the window, waking them both up. They sat up and stared tiredly at the window, to see an owl. Sirius recognised it, but he wasn't sure where from.

He got up and headed to the window, seeing the letter on the owl's foot addressed to him.

He took it over to Remus and opened it.

'_Dear Sirius,_

_How are you?_

_I'm sorry I haven't written in a long time. I've been so busy!_

_I really miss talking to you. Ted and I are inviting you around for dinner whenever you're free. You still haven't met Nymphadora and she's dying to meet you. _

_I heard you ran away! Where are you staying! Sirius, we have to talk._

_Send me back a time when you'll be able to visit, and feel free to bring a friend with you._

_Love, _

_Andromeda'_

__**_###_**


	7. Engaged

**I wrote this chapter completely differently the other day and then changed my mind XD I have a totally new idea for the next part of the plot, so hopefully you'll like it when it comes :)**

**I love Tonks in this chapter :3 She's adorable... hopefully you like her too!  
**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Engaged_  
**

The next few months flew by, and soon enough it was the Christmas holidays. Sirius had arranged with Andromeda to stay with her for the first week of the holidays, and then he was staying at Remus' house for the second week. Sirius had asked Andromeda if Remus could accompany him to her house, and she'd been more than happy to meet him – especially when Sirius mentioned that Remus was his boyfriend.

Although he was excited for the holidays, he still had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach about Regulus. He had only seen him a couple of times since they had broken up – it was as if Regulus disappeared for weeks at a time, and then returned to school for a few days and then disappeared again. Sirius had no idea what was going on. He'd tried writing to Regulus, but naturally, he never got a reply after what he did.

The Hogwarts Express pulled into the station at Platform Nine and Three-Quarters, and they all slowly made their way off the train and collected their luggage.

"See you in January," Sirius said to James and Peter, as they bid goodbye. James' mum gave Sirius a wave before they left the station, and then it was only him and Remus.

"I get to spend the whole of the holidays with you," Sirius whispered. "I couldn't have asked for anything better."

Remus grinned and grabbed his trunk. "So, where's your cousin?"

"Oh, she should be somewhere around here," Sirius said, peering around the station. Someone cleared their throat behind him and he swerved round to see a young man with very light brown hair and a charming smile, holding his hand out to take Sirius' trunk.

"Hi," he said. "Don't know if you remember me at all."

"I do," Sirius said quickly, smiling. "You're Ted. Andromeda's husband."

"Ah, you _do_ remember me," Ted said. "And this must be... Remus? Right?"

"Nice to meet you," Remus said, shaking his hand.

"Dromeda couldn't make it to pick you up," Ted said apologetically. "She's looking after Dora, so we'll just apparate back there."

"Oh, ok," Sirius said.

Ted held his hands out for Remus and Sirius to take as he apparated back to his house. The sensation was horrible, but at least it was quick. In no time, they were standing in the small living room that Andromeda and Ted lived in.

It was very picturesque – there was no sign of any magical person living there. They'd kept everything as a muggle would, and Sirius liked that. No more of his family's pureblood prejudice.

Before Sirius even had chance to breathe, he was engulfed in a hug. When they broke apart, he smiled up at his older cousin who looked happier than he'd ever seen her. She smiled at Remus and hugged him aswell, before asking if they wanted anything to drink.

"Four butterbeers then?" she asked the room, and they all nodded. She walked off into the kitchen, leaving them alone with Ted.

"I'll just go and put your stuff upstairs," he said. "I suppose you're sharing a room?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Ted."

He waved it off and carried their trunks away into the hallway and up the stairs. Sirius turned to Remus and planted a kiss on his forehead.

"I love you," he said, grabbing hold of his hand and pulling them both down onto the sofa. Remus leaned in to Sirius' chest and started tracing circles on the back of his hand.

"Love you, too."

"Mummy said I no come down," said a quiet childish voice from the doorway. Remus and Sirius turned to look at a small girl with shockingly pink curly hair and a cute white dress on. She was holding a teddy bear and looked very tired. When she noticed they were watching her, she turned pink and stepped back behind the door and peered out at them cautiously.

Sirius smiled. "Hey, don't be shy!" he said. She stuck her thumb into her mouth. "I'm your... umm... I guess you could call me 'Uncle Sirius' or something."

She stepped back into the room, hugging her teddy bear close to her. "Uckle Siris?"

"Yeah! And you must be Nymphadora?" Sirius said, kneeling down next to her. She shook her head quickly.

"Nymphie," she said quietly. Sirius laughed.

"Nymphie then. Can you believe what they named her, Remus?"

"It's cute," he said, and Nymphadora turned to him.

"Who you?" she asked, shuffling towards him and staring up at him with huge tired eyes.

"Oh," he said. "Umm... I'm Uncle Sirius'... er... friend. I'm his friend."

"Uckle Siris has friend!" she said happily, handing Remus her teddy bear. "What your name?"

"Remus," he said, squeezing the teddy bear. "Don't you want your bear?"

"No bear. He make me happy when I sad," she explained, jumping up on the sofa next to Remus. "I happy now so no need bear!"

"Hey baby!" Andromeda said as she came back into the room with four butterbeers in her hands. She handed one to Sirius and one to Remus and placed the other on the table, while taking a sip from her own. "What are you doing down here, Nymphie?"

"No tired," she said.

"Well," Andromeda said. "I guess you can stay here for an hour or two. Did you meet Sirius and Remus?"

"_UCKLE_ Siris!" Nymphadora corrected, grabbing Remus' arm and hugging it. He looked as though he wasn't sure what to do.

"Oh, _Uncle_ Sirius!" Andromeda said, laughing. "Hey, Dora, baby? Why's Remus got your bear?"

"She said she didn't need it anymore since she's happy," Remus explained, looking down at her as she beamed up at him.

"Remus keep," she said. "Me like him lots n' lots! He have present."

"Oh... that's alright," Remus said, handing her the teddy bear. "Really! You can have it, but thank you."

"You no want?" she asked, looking up at him sadly. He pursed his lips and smiled at her.

"Of course I do," he said. "Thank you very much."

She grinned and jumped off of the sofa, running from the room. Remus placed the teddy bear on the table next to him and took a sip from his cup.

"She's adorable," Sirius said, getting up and sitting back on the sofa with Remus.

"She's seems to like you a lot, Remus," Andromeda said. "I think she has a little crush."

Remus started blushing and Sirius rolled his eyes. "Who _wouldn't_ have a crush on Remus?" he said, making Remus blush even more.

"So how long have you two been together?" Andromeda asked.

"Only about three months," Sirius said, stroking Remus' hand. "But I mean, we were together before for seven or eight months."

"Oh," Andromeda said, taking a drink. "Why did you break up then?"

Remus looked at Sirius, who bit his lip and looked down. "I just did something... quite bad."

"You don't want to talk about it?" Andromeda asked. Sirius sighed.

"I don't know if you'd understand. It's kind of really bad..."

"He cheated on me with someone he shouldn't be with," Remus said quietly, finishing what Sirius was trying to say.

"Sirius!" Andromeda said, looking shocked. "That's terrible!"

"I know, I know," Sirius said.

"It's alright though," Remus said, smiling at him. "We're fine now. The past is in the past and I know he won't do it again – he loves me."

"Yeah, I do," Sirius said, squeezing Remus' hand. Andromeda smiled and shook her head.

"You're a right idiot, you know, Sirius? You're lucky you have someone as nice as Remus."

"I know," he sighed, leaning against Remus.

Suddenly, the door flew open and Nymphadora came running in with a big grin on her face. "Mummy, Mummy!" she shouted, running towards her mother and whispering something into her ear. Andromeda looked amused and nodded, taking her daughter's hand and leading her into the kitchen.

"What did I miss?" asked Ted as he came back into the room.

"Not much," Sirius said. "Except your daughter has a thing for my boyfriend."

Ted laughed when Remus blushed. "I didn't even say anything to make her like me," Remus said, shrugging innocently. "Really."

"Well, you'd better watch out, Sirius," Ted said. "You have some competition there."

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand quickly. "Mine," he whispered.

Andromeda came back into the room, looking as if she was trying not to laugh. She sat down next to Ted and rolled her eyes as Nymphadora walked back in. She had a small pink plastic ring – probably from a princess costume, and she ran towards Remus with it.

"You marry me?" she asked shyly, holding out the ring for him to take. Sirius sniggered and Remus shot him an annoyed look.

"Aren't I a little old for you?" Remus asked. She stuck her thumb in her mouth and shook her head with a small smile. Remus looked to Sirius for some help, but he only just sniggered some more.

"I think you nice," she said to Remus, grinning and running away again. Ted sighed and stood up.

"I'll put her to bed," he said, chasing after her.

"Ah, look at you. Almost a married man," Andromeda said to Remus, and Sirius couldn't help it anymore. He burst out laughing, and received a whack on the back of his head by Remus.

"Not funny," Remus muttered.

"Sorry," Sirius said, grinning. Andromeda laughed.

"Do you want me to try and talk to her about it?" she asked.

"No, it's alright. It's kind of cute," Remus said, picking up the teddy bear. "I'll take this up to her."

Remus walked off, leaving Sirius and Andromeda alone in the living room.

"He seems like a nice guy," Andromeda said and Sirius nodded.

"He really is. He's been my best friend for god knows how long, and I just feel so lucky to be with him," he said.

"Don't cheat on him again," said Andromeda. "So how about you leaving home? What happened?"

"Oh... well they just got too much for me. Everything got too much, and I just had to get out," Sirius said. "I live with my best mate now, James. I'm really glad to be away from them... wish I'd left earlier."

_Then I'd have never kissed Regulus and cheated on Remus and had the worst year of my life_, Sirius thought bitterly.

"Well at least you're out now," said Andromeda. Sirius nodded and smiled.

"And you seem much happier than I've ever seen you," he said, finishing off his butterbeer.

"Of course I am," she replied. "Away from _them_. I have a beautiful daughter and a perfect husband. It's wonderful. I feel so free now, like everything I lived before was a horrible nightmare I've managed to get away from."

"That's how I feel too," Sirius said. "I mean, I guess I still see them at school but when I finish school I'll be away from them forever."

"It's a great feeling," Andromeda said.

The sound of footsteps emerged from the hallway and then Remus appeared next to Ted, and he was wearing a grim expression.

"What's up?" Sirius asked. Remus sighed and lifted up his hand to indicate the pink ring on his middle finger.

"I guess I'm getting married," he laughed. "Even though it's on my right hand and the wrong finger."

"Aw man," Sirius said. "I got ousted by my baby cousin."

**##**

The rest of the day went by in the same manner. They all talked over dinner, and Remus got to know Ted and Andromeda.

Sirius and Andromeda spent almost an hour ranting about the Black family, before they noticed that the other two had stopped listening and were in the middle of playing an intense game of Gobstones.

Finally, Sirius stood up and yawned. "You know, I think I'm gonna go to bed soon," he said. "Rem, you coming?"

"Yeah, sure," Remus said, smiling up at Sirius. Andromeda narrowed her eyes at them.

"No sex in my house please," she warned them, as Remus took Sirius' hand. Remus turned a deep shade of red and avoided eye contact with Sirius.

The fact was, neither of them had ever even talked to each other about sex yet. They'd been together for a while, and they had both silently agreed they would take it slow. Sirius wasn't even sure Remus _wanted_ sex, but he was too nervous to ask him, so the blushing that followed Andromeda's words didn't come as a surprise to Sirius.

"Nah, don't worry about it. We don't do sex," Sirius said. He moved his lips closer to Remus' ear and whispered "yet."

To his delight, he saw Remus' lips quirk a bit and he blushed a little more. "Ok then," Andromeda said, smiling at them. "Goodnight."

"Night," Remus said to them both as they made their way up to their room.

It wasn't the largest room, but it was perfect, in Sirius' mind. There was a small double bed, which was a step up from their usual single bed back in the dorm. At least they'd both have room to breathe this time.

They got changed into their pyjamas and slipped into bed, Sirius wrapping his arms around Remus and holding him close.

"I like this part of your family," Remus said, looking up into Sirius' eyes and stroking his cheek.

"I think they like you a lot, too," Sirius said. "Especially that little three-year old minx."

"She's sweet," Remus said. "So was this the first time you met her?"

"Yeah. I've seen pictures, but it was nice meeting her at last. It seems like she prefers you though. What can I say? You're gorgeous. I can see why."

"Shut up... I'm not," Remus said.

"You really are," Sirius said, running his fingers through Remus' hair and kissing him lightly on the lips. "Oh, and don't think I didn't notice that epic blush you had when Andie mentioned us having sex."

Sirius could tell that Remus was blushing again, even though it was too dark to see. "So what, Sirius? People can blush you know?"

"Can I ask you something?" Sirius asked.

"Go on."

"Would you... I mean... have you ever, like, thought about... uh... you know... having sex with me?" Sirius asked, feeling himself blush.

Remus pulled himself closer to Sirius, kissing him softly. "Mmm... yeah of course I have."

Sirius didn't know why that came as a shock to him. Maybe because Remus always seemed like such an innocent person... someone who wouldn't even _think_ of sex. But then again, if Remus loved him as much as he said he did, there had to be some sexual desire there...

"Good," Sirius said, grinning madly.

"Have you ever?" Remus asked.

"Obviously," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "I'm Sirius Black. You know me. Of course I've thought of having sex with _you_."

"That makes me happy," Remus said quietly, and Sirius could see his smile faintly through the darkness. "But you know... I'm not sure if I'm ready yet."

"That's fine," Sirius said. "I'll wait for you as long as you want to wait, babe."

"Sirius?" Remus whispered.

"Yep?"

"Can _I_ ask _you_ something?"

"Ask away," Sirius said. Remus was silent for a while, and then he spoke in a very quiet voice.

"Have you ever done it before?"

Sirius closed his eyes and sighed. He had to tell the truth, of course he did. That was the key to a successful relationship – honesty. Even if Remus wasn't happy with not being his first, he'd have to just tell him.

"Yeah," Sirius said softly. "I'm so sorry, Remus. I mean... I was with him and-"

"- It's fine," Remus said tentatively. "You don't have to explain anything. You were together. It's understandable."

Sirius let out a sigh of relief – he understood. Closing his eyes again, he leaned in and pushed his mouth against Remus', trying to put every little feeling of love he felt for Remus in that moment into the kiss, so that Remus could really see how much he loved him.

"I don't know what I ever did to deserve you," Sirius said after they broke apart. "You're so perfect."

"And you're blind," Remus said. "Goodnight, Sirius."

"Night, baby."

**###**


	8. Lost

**Thanks for the reviews on the previous chapter! Glad you thought Tonks was a cutie XD**

**I hope you like this one :3  
**

**[See if you can catch the AVPM reference XD]  
**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Lost_  
**

The next week flew by, and Sirius was just glad to be away from everything. He was so glad it was taking his mind off of Regulus, because every time he thought of him, he felt like he was going to break down and cry.

He had Remus now, and that was wonderful. He felt happier than he'd ever been in his life, even though there was that lingering feeling of heart-break underneath that sometimes seeped it's way into his consciousness.

It was their last day staying at Andromeda's house, and Ted was already at work. Sirius was in the kitchen with Remus 'making breakfast', although Sirius' version of making breakfast was watching Remus make breakfast.

"This is easier than I'd have imagined," Sirius said. Remus turned around to face him, looking annoyed.

"You know, Sirius. You _could_ help..."

"Nah. You look sexy when you cook. I'd rather just watch," Sirius said, smirking and dodging out of the way of the egg Remus flung at him. "Hey!" he said, as the egg cracked against the wall.

"Sirius, why don't you clean that up for me? Ah, there's a good pup," Remus said, grinning as Sirius rolled his eyes and nodded.

"So when did you get so good at cooking?" Sirius asked. Remus laughed.

"You haven't even tasted it yet. Believe me, you'll take back what you just said when you realise how terrible my food tastes."

"I'm sure it's as sexy as you," Sirius said with a wink.

"Food isn't sexy, Sirius," Remus said. "You sound like Peter."

"True," Sirius said, taking his breakfast off of Remus and sitting down at the table to eat it. "I'll wash the dishes for you if you want, babe. You don't have to do all of the work."

"Don't worry about it," Remus said, smiling and sitting down. "And don't blame me if the food tastes horrible."

"Who else will I blame?" Sirius asked, taking a bite and then grinning. "Lovely," he lied. Remus rolled his eyes, and started eating his breakfast.

"Me have beckfast?" asked Nymphadora, who was standing in the doorway in her pyjamas. Before they could answer, Andromeda walked in after her looking annoyed.

"Yeah sweetie. Uncle Sirius will get you some toast, won't you _Sirius_?" she asked, looking pleadingly at Sirius. "I'm really sorry, I have to run out to work for a bit. They usually don't ask me to work on weekdays because of Dora, but it's urgent. Would you guys mind looking after her for a bit?"

"Yeah, that's fine," Remus said, smiling at Nymphadora, who jumped up onto a chair at the table and sat down patiently waiting for her breakfast.

"Thank you!" Andromeda said. "You're life savers! I'll be back in a few hours, ok?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, smiling at her as she waved them goodbye and headed out of the house to work. Sirius turned to face Remus, with a grin.

"So," he said, rubbing his hands together. "Can you teach me how to make toast?"

**##**

Sirius was lying under a bed with the duvet hanging over the sides so that he couldn't be seen.

"UCKLE SIRIS! WEMUS! I COME FIND YOU!" called Nymphadora as she began her search for their fifth round of hide-and-seek. There was a sound of footsteps and Sirius put a hand over his mouth to cover the sound of his breathing.

Suddenly, the duvet was lifted and someone rolled under the bed with him. He was greeted with a large pair of amber eyes and he relaxed.

"I found you," Remus whispered, moving closer to him.

"Oh yes you did," Sirius replied, wrapping his arms around Remus and pulling closer.

"You smell nice," Remus said, and Sirius could see him smiling in the darkness. "_Really_ nice."

"Thanks," Sirius laughed. "You always smell nice."

"FINDY FINDY FINDY!" Nymphadora said in a sing-song voice as she came into the room. Remus sniggered at her song and Sirius quickly put his hand over Remus' mouth.

"AND 1, 3, 2! I FINDY YOU!" she shouted, as she threw the duvet up and dropped down on the floor to peer at them.

"Damn," Sirius said, rolling out. "You're a very good finder."

"Yeah, she should be a Hufflepuff," Remus said, poking her and lifting her up onto the bed.

"A Huffpuff?" she asked, looking up at them curiously. Sirius nodded.

"Oh yeah, a Hufflepuff," he said. "Just like your daddy."

She grinned and started giggling. "DADDY A HUFFPUFF!"

"Yeah that's right," Remus said. "And what's mummy?"

"BIG FATTY!" she said, giggling again and hiding her face with a pillow. Sirius burst out laughing.

"That's not nice! What is Uncle Sirius?" he asked. She peered up from the pillow.

"Uckle Sirius Giffy-dor," she said, patting him on the arm. Sirius winked.

"Yeah, Gryffindor. 'Cos I'm awesome. And what about Remus? What's he?"

She looked at Remus and giggled again. "Wemus handsome."

"Thanks Nymphie," Remus said, patting her on the head. "And what are you?"

"Me?" she asked. "Me a Huffpuff princess."

"Aw," Sirius said. "Yes you are."

"Uckle Sirius?" she said. Sirius looked at her questioningly.

"Yep?"

"Why you leave today?" she asked sadly.

"Because Uncle Sirius can't stay here forever," Sirius said softly. She frowned and looked down at the floor like she was going to cry.

"Why you no stay for ever n' ever?"

"Well," Sirius said, looking right into her eyes and smiling at her. "Uncle Sirius has to go back to school and learn."

"But Wemus clever," she said. "He teach you."

Remus laughed and shook his head. "No, unfortunately we can't Nymphie. We have to go back to school."

She looked between them and sighed. "I miss you."

"We'll miss you, too," Remus said, putting his arms out to give her a hug. She hugged him back, and then Sirius gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Don't worry though Nymphie," he said. "We promise to come and visit you whenever we can."

"Yay!" She said, grinning and jumping on the bed with her teddy bear in her hand. "Next time we get married Wemus."

Remus laughed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure."

**##**

"Well it's been lovely having you," Andromeda said as they were waiting by the fireplace to leave and go to Remus' house. "Really. It was great to see you again, Sirius, and really nice to meet you, Remus."

"Thanks for having me," Remus said, giving her a hug.

"Yeah. Thanks for putting up with _me_," Sirius said. She rolled her eyes and hugged him, too.

"I had to put Dora to bed," Andromeda said. "She was getting a bit upset you were leaving, so I thought it would be better you just go. You said goodbye to her, right?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, smiling. "She's a great kid. You should be proud."

Andromeda nodded, and handed them the floo powder. "Well, have a nice time. See you next time you come to visit."

"Bye," they said, as they were engulfed in green flames.

The next thing they saw was a small living room – slightly larger than the one at Andromeda's house, and a woman sitting in the corner reading a book. She looked up at them and smiled, placing her book on the table and running over to greet them.

"Hi!" she said, pulling Remus in for a hug and kissing him on the head. He came out of the hug with an extremely red face. Remus' mother then turned to Sirius and smiled at him.

"And you must be... Sirius?" she said. He nodded and she pulled him in for a hug too. "Well," she said. "It's late, so you should be going to bed boys. I've set up a spare bed in your room, Remus. Be nice and let Sirius have the bed. See you in the morning."

Remus lead Sirius upstairs, and neither of them spoke until they reached Remus' room where Sirius burst out laughing.

"Ickle Remus gets a kiss from his mummy," he said, receiving a punch in the arm by Remus.

"Shut up," he said, falling down on his bed. "And you can sleep with me, by the way."

"_Sleep with you_?" Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows. Remus rolled his eyes.

"You're so dirty minded," he said, grabbing Sirius' hand and pulling him down on the bed next to him.

"Aw Rem, I thought you really meant it," Sirius said with a pout.

"Keep dreaming, Siri," Remus said, leaning up and kissing him quickly, and then standing up and sighing. "My parents don't know. You know, about us."

"You haven't told them?" Sirius asked. He'd always thought Remus had told his parents. "Why not?"

"They uh... they've expressed their views on... gay people before," Remus said nervously. "I don't think they'll like it."

"Oh come on, Rem," Sirius said, standing up and grabbing hold of his hands. "They're your parents."

"Yeah, but-"

"-Remus. Please tell them. _Please_. For me," Sirius said, looking into his eyes and putting on his best 'puppy-dog' face.

"I don't even know _how_ to tell them... oh Sirius, stop with that face. You know it's irresistible," Remus complained. Sirius grinned and winked.

"Come on babe. I'll help you through it. I promise. Please," Sirius said, pouting. Remus sighed and nodded.

"Ok, Sirius," he said finally. "I hate you and your stupid puppy-dog face."

"You love it really," Sirius said.

"Unfortunately," Remus said, hugging Sirius and sighing into his chest. "Will you really help me through it?"

"Of course I will," Sirius said, running his fingers through Remus' hair and ruffling it. "Come on, let's get to bed. We can tell them in the morning."

Remus nodded and pulled away, smiling at him. "God, I love you."

"Who doesn't?" Sirius said with a huge grin. Needless to say, Remus gave him another punch in the arm.

**##**

Sirius literally dragged Remus downstairs in the morning, early, so that they could catch both of his parents before they went to work.

When they reached the kitchen, they were greeted by Remus' mum and dad, who were sitting at the kitchen table eating their breakfast.

"Morning boys," Remus' dad said, peering up over his newspaper. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah," Remus said, and Sirius could hear in his voice how nervous he was. He nudged him and gave him a meaningful look. Remus sighed. "Uh... mum, dad? Can I tell you something?"

"What is it, sweetie?" asked Remus' mum.

"Well... I... sorta... uh..." Remus looked up at Sirius pleadingly, and he nodded.

"Remus and I," Sirius said, trying to sound confident. "We... we're in love."

There was a deadly silence after his words and Sirius glanced sideways at Remus, who was staring at his parents with a look of worry on his face. Sirius looked at them, and pursed his lips. They didn't look happy. At all.

Finally, Remus broke the silence.

"Mum?" he said quietly. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

"What does this mean?" she asked, looking from Remus to Sirius. "You're gay, I presume?"

"Y-yes," Remus said. "Do you... a-are you ok with that?"

"Get out," Remus' father said coldly. Remus turned to face him with tears in his eyes.

"W-what?"

"You heard me!" He said, standing up so he was towering over them. "Get _out_!"

"But d-dad, please-"

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!"

"No, please," Sirius said, standing in front of Remus. "Please don't do this to him. He's done nothing to deserve this."

"Don't you _dare_! YOU FUCKING FAGS! HOW _DARE_ YOU DO THIS TO HIM? HOW DARE YOU INFECT HIM WITH YOUR DIRTY DISGUSTING DISEASE!" he shouted at Sirius. "_YOU_ DID THIS TO HIM!"

"Really d-dad," Remus said. "It's not his fault!"

"John!" Remus' mother said suddenly. "Leave them. They aren't worth it. Boys, leave. Now."

"B-but mum... where am I supposed to go?" Remus asked, tears rolling down his cheeks. "You can't do this to me! I'm your son!"

"You," she said slowly and emotionlessly. "Are disgusting. Leave."

"D-d-don't you love me anymore?" Remus asked, and the way he said it almost broke Sirius' heart.

"How could we? After this," she replied. "Please just go. I don't want people like you in my house."

Remus stared at both of his parents for one last chance of redemption, but then sighed and turned around and walked out of the kitchen. Sirius chased after him.

"What are you doing?" he asked, grabbing him by the arm. "Aren't you going to try and reason with them?"

"I can't," Remus said. "They h-hate me."

"Remus-"

"- Just stop," Remus said, wiping a tear from his eyes. "Please? We both know it's true. Can we just go? I need to get away from them."

Sirius stared at him for a moment before nodding. "Let's go and grab our trunks, and we'll figure out what to do when we're out. Ok?"

Remus sniffed and nodded, following Sirius upstairs and packing up his things. Without another word to Remus' parents, they left the house and walked to the end of the street, where Remus dropped his trunk and fell into Sirius' arms, letting everything out.

Sirius felt like crying with him, but he had to be strong. He had to help him through this. He had honestly believed that Remus' parents would be accepting – after all, they accepted him being a werewolf and that was _much_ worse.

He couldn't think of anything to say except "I'm so sorry. We'll figure this out, I promise we will."

Remus only replied by crying into his shoulder, and it broke Sirius' heart more and more with every tear.

**###**


	9. Memories of the Future

**Thanks guys for all of the wonderful reviews! :) I keep getting all these new ideas for this fic haha, so that's why it's taking longer for updates... trying to put all the ideas together XD**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter:  
**

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**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Memories of the Future_  
**

Sirius felt absolutely terrible. If he hadn't basically forced Remus into telling his parents, then Remus would be happy. He would have a home. _But oh no_, Sirius thought to himself miserably. _No, I have to always screw everything up_.

After being kicked out, Sirius had managed to contact Andromeda and she'd agreed to let them stay there for the rest of the holidays. Sirius had no idea what Remus was going to do for the summer. It wasn't like he could go home, and it wasn't like he could stay with Sirius – James' family already had one extra person living with them and he doubted they'd take in Remus as well.

Sirius was sitting downstairs on the sofa staring at his hands, feeling the guilt bubble up inside him.

"Why don't you go and talk to him?" Andromeda suggested as she watched him sitting there. "He probably needs someone to talk to him right now."

"He'll hate me," Sirius said. "I don't think I can stand the thought of him telling me he hates me."

"Oh Sirius," Andromeda said, rolling her eyes. "He won't hate you! Go on, upstairs. Now."

"But-"

"- No, Sirius. Now," she said, grabbing his hands and pulling him up. She shoved him towards the door and he made his way upstairs to the room they had been sleeping in the week previously.

He cautiously opened the door, and peered in to see Remus curled up under the covers. He closed the door behind him and sat down on the edge of the bed, taking Remus' hand and tracing circles on it.

"I'm sorry," Sirius choked, not looking at Remus. "I'm so sorry."

"Sirius, don't," Remus said, sitting up and looking at Sirius. His eyes were bloodshot and stained from tears, and his hair was sticking up almost like James'.

"Don't what?" Sirius said, hoping more than anything that Remus wasn't going to start yelling at him.

Remus blinked a tear out of his eyes and then stared right into Sirius' eyes. "Don't blame yourself," he said quietly, squeezing his hand. "Please don't. It's not your fault at all."

"Yes it is," Sirius said, looking down. "I was the one who forced you to tell them."

"Hey, you didn't force me," Remus said. "I did it because you gave me the courage to, and it's _their_ fault for being so narrow-minded and nasty and cruel. Please Siri... I can see that you're beating yourself up over it, but don't. I don't blame you because you're not to blame."

"I just feel so responsible," Sirius said. Remus moved his hands up to Sirius' face and forced him to look into his eyes.

"Sirius," he said. "I love you. I love you so much, and believe me when I say that it's _not_ your fault. Please trust me."

Sirius closed his eyes. "Fine," he said, hating himself. He could pretend that he didn't blame himself, but he still felt absolutely awful about what had happened.

Remus smiled at him and wrapped his arms around him. "Thanks," he whispered quietly.

**##**

"Why Wemus look sad?" Nymphadora asked as she stepped into the room, the day before they were going back to Hogwarts. Sirius run his fingers through his hair and sighed.

"He's got a lot on his mind at the moment, Nymphie," he said, patting the sofa so she would join him. She sat with him and he could see how sad she looked.

"What he sad bout?"

"Well... his parents weren't very nice to him," he said. "They don't want him to live with them anymore."

Her eyes widened and she gasped. "No!" she said. "That not nice."

"No," Sirius agreed. "It's not."

"I kill Wemus parents," she said, standing up quickly and pulling out a pencil. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Is that supposed to be a wand?"

"YES!" she yelled, looking absolutely determined that she'd help Remus. "Where they? I kill them!"

Sirius stared at her as her hair changed from pink to a very bright red. He knew that her hair changed colours according to her emotions, and he assumed that she was feeling angry. He smiled at her.

"You leave Remus' parents to me, yeah, Nymphie?" he asked. She thought it over for a minute and then nodded.

"Yes," she said. "I talk to Wemus now."

With that, she headed upstairs. Sirius couldn't help loving her a little bit more for this. He knew that Remus would cheer up a bit if she talked to him... after all, she cheered everyone up.

He stood up and sighed, knowing what it was that he wanted to do. He headed to the desk in the corner and pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill.

_Mr and Mrs Lupin,_

_It's Sirius Black. I came over to visit, remember? _

_I just wanted you to know that Remus didn't want to tell you about us, and I made him do it and I feel terrible now. You need to believe that Remus loves you both more than anything and he's in so much pain now, knowing that you hate him._

_But I know you don't hate him. How could you? He's your only son, and you managed to look past him being a Werewolf! How can you not see that there is nothing wrong with being gay?_

_Remus was still the same person he'd been minutes before you found out he was gay, yet you suddenly hated him. That makes no sense._

_I want you to know that I love your son so much, and he is absolutely amazing. I would never do anything to hurt him... seeing him in pain is horrible. When you love someone, you can't bear to see them in pain. You want to do something to stop that pain, which is why I am writing to you now. _

_You've put him through so much pain. He's been crying for days now. He will hardly speak to anybody, and when he does, we can all see through his fake happiness. _

_You've destroyed him. Please, just consider what he's feeling. Consider the idea that sometimes people fall in love, and they can't help who they fall in love with. Put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if you were the one being thrown out of your own house._

_Where is he going to live now? Are you just going to let him sleep on the streets, where anybody could get hold of him and hurt him?_

_Please, THINK about what you've done and stop being so selfish. He's your son. You're supposed to love him no matter what._

_Sorry for the long letter, I just needed to get it out so you understand exactly what you've done._

_Sirius Black_

He re-read the letter and decided it was good enough. He strapped it to Andromeda's owl's foot, and the bird flew off into the sky.

**##**

"Right," Andromeda said. "You boys have a good time at Hogwarts. Study hard!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Please," he said. "You're talking to Remus Lupin who studies for a _religion_, and me who won't even listen to you anyway."

"Hey," Remus said. "I don't study _that_ much!"

Sirius raised his eyebrows and smiled. "Of course not, babe."

"Wemus?" Nymphadora said, staring up at him and taking his hand. "I... love you."

"Aw that's very sweet Nymphie," Remus said, kneeling down next to her. "I love you too."

"I get sad when you sad," she said. "I use bear to make me happy."

"Yes, you told me," Remus said, smiling.

"If you happy, Nymphie happy also," she said, handing him her bear. "You keep bear. Then I know you happy and I be happy too."

Sirius felt like crying at her gesture. He felt like such a big girl for it, but he couldn't help it – she was being so lovely to him.

Remus looked up at Andromeda for help and she just nodded, meaning that he was allowed to take the bear.

"Are you sure?" he asked Nymphadora. She nodded.

"Yes. I want you be happy."

"Thanks so much, Nymphie," Remus said, pulling her in for a hug. "I'm going to miss you so much."

"I miss you Wemus," she said.

"Right!" Andromeda said. "You boys have to get to the station, ok?"

Remus pulled away from Nymphadora with the teddy bear in his hand. She gave a sleepy wave at the two boys as they disappeared in the flames.

**##**

The station was alive with chatter, and the train was already full, from what Sirius could see. Sirius picked up Remus' bags and pulled them towards the luggage compartment of the train.

"You don't have to," Remus said, but Sirius shook his head.

"I want to," he said. Remus smiled at him and nodded. As Sirius placed his bag with the others, he recognised the bag that was being put down next to his... it bore the Black family crest.

Quicker than ever, he cast his eyes up and he was staring into his brother's eyes. Regulus looked different. He couldn't put his finger on what it was, but something was definitely different.

"Hi," Sirius said, feeling the urge to say anything to get Regulus to forgive him. He had Remus now, but that didn't mean that he didn't at least want Regulus back as a friend – as a brother.

Regulus just glared at him and turned on his heel, walking up to where the Slytherins usually sat on the train. Sirius sighed and headed back to Remus. He hadn't exactly expected Regulus to talk to him.

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand and pulled him into the train. Almost immediately, they were greeted by James' excited yell.

"Moony! Padfoot!" he said, clapping them both on the back and grinning. "Come on, Peter and I have a compartment over here."

He lead them to a compartment that was empty except for Peter and a whole load of chocolate wrappers.

"Hi, Pete," Sirius said as he sat down. Peter smiled at him.

"Hey," he said.

"Remus?" James said, leaning fowards and taking Remus' hand. "I'm sorry for what happened. I really wish I could say you could stay with us, but I really don't think my parents will be happy letting somebody else live with us."

"It's... completely fine," Remus said, smiling. Sirius could almost see the tears he was holding back, and he just felt like pulling him in for a hug and telling him that it would be ok, but how would it? Remus' parents hadn't even replied to his letters, and he had nowhere to live.

"Remus," Peter said. Remus turned his attention to Peter.

"Yes?"

"I... kind of spoke to my mum and dad about your situation," he said. "They would be more than happy to let you live with us until you can get your own place after Hogwarts."

"W-what? I can live with _you_?" Remus asked, looking a little more hopeful.

"Yeah," Peter said, smiling. "Actually, my mum's already looking forward to you coming. She's already bought another bed for my room."

"R-really? I m-mean I don't mean... I don't have to... if it would be easier-"

"-Remus, you're staying with me. Ok? Good, now have a chocolate," Peter said, throwing him a chocolate. Remus grinned.

"Thank you so much, Pete," he said, unwrapping the chocolate.

Sirius felt his heart well up in affection for Peter in that moment. Thank god for him. Without Peter, Remus wouldn't have a home to go back to, and Sirius was so happy that his boyfriend was smiling properly for the first time in days.

"Sirius?" Remus asked.

"Yep?"

"Can I hold your hand?" he asked. Sirius laughed, reaching out and taking his hand.

"Since when did you have to ask to hold my hand?"

"I don't want to make any more mistakes," Remus said, looking down. Sirius brushed his hand against Remus' cheek.

"It wasn't a mistake," Sirius said. "You would have had to tell them sooner or later, and plus, you could never make a mistake with me. You know me, I generally forgive people easily."

"I just don't want to give you a reason to have to forgive me," Remus sighed, leaning against him.

"You're perfect, you know that?" Sirius said. "I know I'll never have to forgive you, because you wouldn't ever do anything wrong."

"Mmm... love you so much," Remus said, clasping Sirius' robes and holding onto them tightly.

"I love you," Sirius replied.

**##**

_Sirius was sitting in a grassy area, staring out at a beautiful lake with impossibly clear glistening water. A leaf broke off a tree and drifted down elegantly into the lake, creating a ripple in the water._

_That was when he saw it. A perfect image of himself, and Regulus, kissing._

_They were kissing roughly, Regulus had Sirius up against the wall and was practically forcing his tongue into Sirius' mouth. _

_Sirius looked as if he was trying to resist, but instead, he sighed into the kiss and kissed back with equal passion. _

_Regulus ran his fingers through Sirius' hair, and Sirius could see there was no ring around his finger. They looked older than usual, as well..._

_This all seemed rather familiar. Like he was watching a memory..._

_No! It was last year in the Room of Requirement, when they'd seen their... future?_

Sirius sat up quickly, waking up and staring out at the darkness of the dormitory. He had almost completely forgotten about that pool until this moment.

If that pool really _did_ tell the future, then did that mean that he and Regulus would get back together?

Sirius wasn't sure how he felt about that. He loved Remus, and he planned on staying with him for the rest of his life.

_No_, he told himself briskly, lying back down. _If that was going to happen, Reg would have a ring on his finger_.

He turned so that he was facing Remus, and kissed him on the cheek. Remus was sleeping, so made a slight sound when Sirius kissed him, and then Sirius closed his eyes.

He fell asleep thinking thoughts of Remus and only Remus.

**###**


	10. Nothing

**Thanks again to everyone who reviewed! I always love your reviews :3**

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**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE**  
**_Nothing_**

The next couple of weeks went by quickly. Remus had cheered up a little bit, as he had so much work to do which took his mind off of his parents. Sirius hadn't given up though. Every two days, he sent a letter to Remus' parents in hope that they would reply, but so far, he had no such luck.

The dream of the pool was also playing repeatedly in Sirius' mind, and he really wanted to speak to Regulus. Every night, he would check the Marauders Map to see if he could get Regulus when he was alone somewhere, and it was tonight that he saw his brother sitting alone in an empty classroom on the fourth floor.

He quietly got out of bed, trying not to wake Remus, and tip-toed across the room. When he was out of the dormitory, he started walking faster. He didn't want to take too long in case Regulus left the classroom.

When he finally reached the classroom, he cautiously opened the door. Regulus was sitting by himself at a desk, writing something down on a piece of parchment. He looked up quickly when Sirius walked in, and stuffed the parchment into his bag.

"Hi, Reg," Sirius said quietly, stepping closer to him.

"What do you want?" asked Regulus, standing up. Sirius sighed.

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"Nothing to talk about, Sirius," Regulus said, starting to move towards the door. Sirius blocked his path.

"You're not going anywhere," he said, shoving him back down on a chair and then pulling up another chair to sit next to him. "Look, I just don't get why you're so angry with me."

"Oh," Regulus said. "Hm... ok then, let's think. Uh, oh yeah! You cheated on me!"

"Oh come on!" Sirius said. "Like you weren't already cheating on me!"

"We've been through this," Regulus said impatiently. "I was _forced_ to marry her."

Sirius looked down at Regulus' hands and that was when he noticed it. There was no ring on his finger.

"Where's your wedding ring?" he asked, unable to help himself. Regulus looked slightly scared for a moment and then shrugged.

"I managed to talk mum and dad into letting me get a divorce," he said. Sirius couldn't believe his ears. Regulus actually did something... brave?

"What? So, you aren't married to her anymore?" Sirius asked.

"No, I'm not."

"But... they actually _let_ you?"

"Yes, Sirius," Regulus said, going a little pale. Sirius stared at him in confusion.

"You don't look too happy about it," he said.

"I wonder why?" Regulus said bitterly, casting his eyes away from Sirius.

"Sorry, I'm not following," Sirius said.

"I didn't want to be with her because I want to be with _you_!" Regulus yelled. "But _oh no_, you went and got serious with _him_."

"I actually don't understand where you're coming from here," Sirius said. "You didn't like her. You should have broken up with her when we were still together. You can't just break up with her when I'm with someone else, not even _tell_ me you've broken up with her, and then expect me to dump my own boyfriend to get back with you."

"I screwed up," Regulus said, looking down at his hands. "I screwed up everything, and now I'm just..."

"Just what?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me," Sirius said tentatively.

"I'm in a lot of trouble. Look... I'm sorry but I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore Sirius. Let's just pretend we don't know each other."

"What the hell?" Sirius yelled. "Ok, maybe we won't get back together, but we're still brothers! You can't just pretend that we don't know each other!"

"I just don't... if you knew... uh, goodbye, Sirius," Regulus said, standing up and running out of the door before Sirius could say anything.

_Well_, Sirius thought. _That was weird._

**##**

"Apparition lessons today!" James shouted, waking everyone up. Peter sat up in his bed and groaned.

"Yay," he muttered. His parents hadn't paid for him to get lessons as she didn't see the need for it – neither his mother nor his father had taken lessons and they preferred travelling by portkey or floo.

"Aw don't complain, Pete," Sirius said, bounding over to his bed and thrusting a bag of gold into his hands. "Be a good rat and head out to Hogsmeade for us when we're at our lesson. Most of the school will be preoccupied anyway and you can go and buy some stuff for our party tomorrow night."

"What party?"

"Our victory party, after we beat Ravenclaw in Quidditch," Sirius said. Peter rolled his eyes.

"Well seeing as I have nothing better to do..."

"Thanks, mate," Sirius said, grinning and going back to his own bed. Remus was still sleeping and Sirius prodded him lightly. He made a small noise and then pulled the covers over himself more.

"Oh come on, baby," he whispered into Remus' ear. "Wake up."

"I am awake," Remus mumbled. "I just can't be bothered to move."

"If you get up now I promise I'll do that thing you love," Sirius said seductively. Remus didn't move.

"Last time you did it, you were too busy laughing about that prank you played on Snape," he said, in an annoyed tone.

"Sorry about that," Sirius said, with a grin at the memory. "But I promise this time it'll be better..."

"How?" Remus asked, turning his head so that he was looking at Sirius, who just smirked at him.

"Shower time!" he said brightly, grabbing Remus by the arms and pulling him out of the bed. He dragged him into the bathroom and shut the door.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked tiredly. Sirius couldn't help the smile that came to his face when he looked at Remus. His hair was fluffy and sticking out in all directions, and he had a blank expression on his face.

"I'm accompanying you for a shower," Sirius said, leaning forwards and kissing Remus.

"I can shower by myself, thanks," Remus said, blushing slightly. Sirius sighed.

"Oh come on, _please_," he said batting his eyelashes at Remus, who rolled his eyes.

"I don't know, Sirius," he said. "I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

"All we'll be doing is having a shower," Sirius said. "Nothing else..."

"But-"

"- Ok, Rem," Sirius said, kissing him on the forehead. "It's fine. I understand, and I don't want to pressure you into anything you aren't ready for. Oh, stop looking guilty babe. I love you."

"I'm sorry," Remus said sadly. "I just don't know... I'll let you know when I'm ready for that."

"Sure," Sirius said, heading for the door. "And be quick," he winked. "We have our first apparition lesson today, remember."

He closed the door behind him and noticed James and Peter were smirking at him. He went red in the face.

"It was nothing!" he said quickly. "I mean it."

"Yeah," James laughed. "You and Remus go into the bathroom and lock the door... and then you come out with a face as red as a tomato... that's definitely nothing."

"Oh shut up, guys," Sirius muttered. "I swear it was nothing. Pete, shouldn't you be sneaking to Hogsmeade right now?"

"Oh," Peter said, staring at the money in his hand as if he'd only just noticed it. "Yeah, Ok, I'll go now."

Sirius sighed and dropped down in his bed with his head in his hands.

"What's up?" James asked, coming to sit next to him.

"I don't know," Sirius said, blushing a little bit. James just stared at him, and he decided to just tell him. "Ok, I'm... frustrated."

"Frustrated?" James raised an eyebrow.

"I know this is kind of personal, but have you and Lily... you know... done it?" Sirius asked. James laughed.

"No," he said, looking rather put out. "Every time we get close, she says she isn't ready yet. It's annoying... like how can she be that cruel? She goes around acting all sexy and getting me so worked up and then teases me, and then says _I'm not ready_. Why do you ask?"

Sirius tried not to laugh at James' outburst. "Oh... it's just... it's the same thing with Remus. I mean, why do they do that?"

"I guess it's just in their nature," James sighed. "Never try to understand girls."

"Hey!" Sirius shouted. "Remus isn't a girl!"

"Well he acts like one," James said, wincing when Sirius hit him. "Ok joke, joke. God!"

"I don't get it though," Sirius said. "He's almost seventeen. When will he be 'ready'?"

"Maybe he's one of these 'no sex before marriage' people," James said. "I'm pretty sure that's what Lily told me she believed... I don't know... I was too busy staring at her-"

"- I don't want to _know_ what you were staring at!" Sirius said quickly, before James could finish. "So what, you're saying I should marry him?"

"I don't know," James said. "I mean you're a bit young now, but that might be the only way to... you know..."

"Ugh," Sirius said. "Relationships."

"I know how you feel, mate," James said.

**##**

An hour later, they were all in the Great Hall attempting to learn how to apparate. Remus and Lily had already managed to apparate, but they'd both left behind strands of hair.

Snape was the same, and James and Sirius had secretly hoped that he would leave behind his nose, but they were out of luck.

When they tried it, they didn't get anywhere. Sirius began to feel like he'd never be able to apparate, but James reminded him that Lily, Remus and Snape were nerds and they still had eleven more lessons. This cheered Sirius up a bit.

After the lesson, Remus and Lily were asked to do their prefect duties, so Sirius and James were left to walk back to the common room.

"So," James said. "What have you got Remus for Valentine's Day?"

Sirius stopped and stared at James. "Valentine's Day?"

"Yes," James said. "Don't tell me you forgot."

"I... wait... no Valentine's Day is in May..."

"It's tomorrow, you fool!" James said, rolling his eyes and hitting Sirius over the head.

"Oh crap," Sirius said. "I haven't got him anything. I don't even know what to get for him!"

"Get him a box of chocolates or something... you know how much he loves chocolate."

"That's not enough!" Sirius said, feeling more and more worried. How could he have forgotten about Valentine's Day?

"You wanna see what I got for Lily?" James asked as they reached the door to their dormitory. Sirius nodded, hoping he could maybe get some ideas.

James headed over to his bed and opened his trunk, pulling out a mass of tangled up lingerie. Sirius pursed his lips.

"You're actually going to give those to her?" he asked.

"Yeah... then maybe she'll rethink the whole sex thing," James said, looking proud. Sirius decided not to say anything at all.

"James... do you think Remus has got me anything?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know," James replied. "But if I were you, I'd get him something anyway."

That was when it struck Sirius. He suddenly knew exactly what he was going to buy for Remus, but he had to hurry... they didn't sell them in Hogsmeade. He'd have to find another nearby town or village.

"Gotta go," he said quickly to James as he transformed into a dog and ran from the room.

He ran all the way through the school, ignoring all of the odd looks he was getting from students, and straight out of the castle.

He was going to get Remus the greatest Valentine's Day gift ever.

**###**


	11. Valentine's Day

**I'm going on holiday on Friday to Spain :D so yeah, this will be my last update for a while. I decided I just _had_ to update before I left because that would be mean if I didn't XD**

**I know this chapter is pretty short, but the next chapter will be longer and Reg will be in it so that should be good for some of you XD  
**

**Anyways, I hope you squeal over this chapter :D  
**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Valentine's Day_  
**

Before Sirius even had time to open his eyes and even think about what he was doing, he could already feel the horrible nervous twist in his stomach. It made him feel as though he was going to be sick and he finally opened his eyes to see Remus lying next to him fast asleep. He felt his heart-rate pick up as he stared at the boy next to him and he leaned forward to kiss him.

Remus started stirring and then his eyes fluttered open and he kissed Sirius back, running his fingers through his hair. As Sirius pulled back, Remus smiled at him.

"I've never been kissed awake before," Remus said, touching his lips. "I loved it."

"Good," Sirius said as he pulled Remus up to his chest. "You look sexy."

"Ha!" Remus said, rolling his eyes. "You must be blind."

"No way. You're the sexiest person I've ever met... well apart from myself, but that doesn't count," Sirius said with a wink.

Remus decided it would be better not to reply to that, and he sat up, taking Sirius' hand. "So it's Valentine's Day today..."

"Yes, it is," Sirius said, feeling the nerves rush back. Remus leaned over to take something from the drawer in his bedside table and pulled out two tickets.

"What are they?" Sirius asked.

"Tickets to go to the Dragon Fang hotel in London. There was a deal on where we could get free tickets to Knight's Valley Wizarding Theme Park as well. I mean, I know we can't do it today but I've booked it for next week when it's half term," Remus said, locking their fingers together. "We haven't even been on a date yet, and I thought it would be fun."

Sirius couldn't believe it. He had been dying to visit Knight's Valley his whole life, but his parents believed that theme parks were for muggles, and so never even considered taking him. As for the Dragon Fang hotel, he had heard many stories about it and its magical rooms and restaurants, and he couldn't wait to go there.

"Wow, Rem!" he said, grinning. "This is amazing! How did you manage to afford it?"

"I've been saving up for a while," Remus said, blushing slightly. "We're booked in for a week, so it should be great."

"Yes it will," Sirius said, leaning over to kiss him on the lips. He pulled away and let out a deep breath. "I have something for you, too, babe."

"Oh yeah?" Remus said, smiling. "What have you got?"

Sirius pulled something out of the drawer on his side of the bed. Now he really felt like he would throw up. The black box was just smaller than his hand as he held it out in front of him.

"I love you," Sirius said. "You mean the absolute world to me. I will _never_ hurt you again, and I know you won't ever hurt me because you're such a beautiful, sweet person. So... I thought since we're going to be together for the rest of our lives, why wait?"

Remus stared at Sirius with a mixture of expressions crossing his face. Happiness, shock, excitement.

"Remus... will you marry me?"

Sirius could hear clearly his heart beating thunderously in his chest. He opened the box to reveal a beautiful glimmering diamond ring. Remus looked completely lost for words. He just stared from the ring to Sirius, his mouth opening and closing but nothing coming out.

Finally, when Sirius couldn't take it anymore, he decided to speak. "So?"

Remus put his hand over his mouth and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he looked less confused. "Sirius," he said slowly. "I would _love_ to marry you."

"But?" Sirius said, his heart sinking.

"We're so young," Remus said, closing the box. "And it'll just be so complicated at the moment."

"How?"

"Because it's illegal in more than one way," Remus said. "Firstly, we're gay, and you _know_ that gay marriage isn't legal."

"We can somehow get past that, baby," Sirius said, grabbing for Remus' hand. "_Please_?"

"I'm a werewolf," Remus said quietly. "Werewolves aren't allowed to get married."

"What! I've never heard that before! Why not?" Sirius shouted, outraged.

"You wouldn't have. They don't tell you that in the books – it's something we're told when we're taken to the ministry after being bitten. We were told all these rules, and marriage is forbidden."

"Well why didn't _you_ tell me before?" Sirius asked.

"Because I... I thought you might not want to be with me... if you knew you couldn't marry me."

Sirius swallowed a lump in his throat and pulled Remus in to hug him. "I love you so much, and don't think something as stupid as that will stop us from getting married. We _will_ get married, ok?"

Remus nodded and smiled. "Yes," he said, taking Sirius' hand and staring him in the eyes. "Yes, I will marry you. I mean, yeah, we're young, but we can be engaged without getting married straight away, right?"

"Right," Sirius said, feeling himself grinning again. Remus held out his left hand and Sirius placed the ring on his finger.

"We're getting married," Remus breathed slowly, with a smile playing on his lips. Then he lunged forwards and wrapped his arms around Sirius tightly. "I love you," he whispered.

"Yeah," Sirius said happily. "I love you, too, sweetheart."

**##**

The match against Ravenclaw went as Sirius had hoped. He had managed to catch the snitch fairly quickly, and by that time, Gryffindor had already been thirty points in the lead.

As he arrived back at the common room after winning the match, was greeted by an eruption of cheers from the rest of Gryffindor. The common room had been decorated for the party, and there were bottles of firewhiskey scattered around.

"WE DID IT!" Sirius yelled, throwing his hands in the air. Everybody in the room cheered the team again, and Sirius grabbed a bottle of firewhiskey and started chugging it down.

"Well done, babe," Remus said as he grabbed Sirius and pulled him into the corner. "You were amazing today."

"Thanks Rem," Sirius said, wobbling on the spot as the alcohol got to his head. "You... uh... are a'ways amazing."

"Oh no," Remus said. "Drunk Sirius."

"'M not drunk!" Sirius said, followed by a hiccup. "Jus' happy is all."

"Uh huh. You keep telling yourself that, Sirius," Remus said, kissing him on the cheek and leading him back to the party.

Sirius spotted Peter sitting in the corner alone and stumbled towards him. "Th'nks mate... for gettin' the alc... alc... alc'hol for everyone."

Peter looked up quickly and nodded. "No problem," he mumbled, looking back at the ground. Sirius didn't fail to notice the redness in his eyes, and sat down.

"Wha's up?"

"What? Oh... nothing."

"C'mon Pete!" Sirius said. "You look like hell."

"Thanks," Peter muttered, standing up and heading upstairs. Sirius stared after him, trying to decide whether or not to follow him. Whether Sirius wanted to admit it or not, he knew how drunk he was, so he decided he'd speak to Peter in the morning.

"REMMIE!" Sirius yelled across the room, and Remus looked up and rolled his eyes. Sirius gestured for him to come and join him, so Remus quickly headed over to him and sat down next to him.

"What?" Remus asked.

"I love you," Sirius slurred, leaning towards him. He was sure he saw Remus wince from his alcohol breath, but he didn't care. "Let-" _hiccup_ "Uh... let's go upstairs, baby."

"Sirius-"

"C'mon Remmie!" Sirius said, putting on his best puppy-dog eyes. Without waiting for an answer, he grabbed Remus by the hand and pulled him upstairs, slamming the door behind him and throwing him down on the bed. He thrust the curtains shut and muttered a silencing charm.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked as Sirius straddled him.

"You're sexy," Sirius said, leaning down to kiss him. Remus kissed back for a moment before pushing him away and sitting up.

"We can't do this, Siri," he said, leaning against the headboard.

"Remmie please... _please_... c'mon!" Sirius said as he tried to kiss Remus again.

"You're drunk, Sirius," Remus said. "And we talked about this the other day."

"If you... have sex wi' me baby I'll buy you all the choc'late in the world..."

Remus laughed and shook his head. "Sorry, but no. I think I should sleep in my own bed tonight... just so you aren't tempted."

"But no!" Sirius yelled.

"Yes," Remus said, leaning forward to kiss him on the forehead. "Goodnight, Sirius."

Sirius sighed as Remus left him alone on the bed. Hadn't James said that maybe Remus would want it now that they're getting married? Then again, he reminded himself, that he was pretty drunk...

Without another thought, he pulled the covers over himself and drifted off into a peaceful sleep of alcohol and Remus.

**###**


	12. The Dark Mark

**I'm back from my holiday! The whole time I was away, I was dying to update this, so hopefully you guys will like it :)**

**Here is chapter 12:  
**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_The Dark Mark_  
**

Sirius woke up with the most terrible pounding headache in the morning. It felt like somebody was sitting inside his head with a drum. _Bang bang bang_. He sat up very slowly, but no matter how slow he moved, his headache got worse. When he opened his eyes, he shut them again immediately, for the light was too bright for his hungover eyes to function properly.

He stumbled across the bedroom to Remus' bed and flopped down on it. He lay there for about a minute before realising that the only reason he was there was to see Remus, and Remus wasn't even there. Confused, he sat up and peered around the messy room. James was still fast asleep, but Peter's bed was also empty.

Sirius groaned and stood up, making his way to James' trunk. He bent down and rummaged through his stuff, until his hand touched a piece of parchment. He grabbed it and pulled it out, heading towards the door.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he whispered, so as to not wake James. The ink started appearing all over the parchment; lines formed into a very detailed map of Hogwarts.

Sirius scanned the map a couple of times, searching for the small dot labelled 'Remus Lupin'. Before he could find him, however, he spotted another dot rested near the section of the map labelled 'The Black Lake'. Sirius couldn't understand why Regulus was sitting there all alone, but he knew he couldn't really go and talk to him after their last conversation. Deciding quickly what he was going to do, he muttered "mischief managed," and stuffed the map into his bag.

He got dressed quickly and headed downstairs through the castle and out of the doors. It was a beautiful day outside. The weather was warm, but not too sticky. There was a nice cool breeze that ran over him as he walked down the path to the stretch of grass that separated the castle from the Black Lake.

Sirius turned around and made sure nobody was watching before transforming into his animagus form – a black dog – and padding down the hill towards his brother.

Regulus was sitting at the edge of the lake, with his legs in the water. He was scribbling something down on a piece of parchment with a look of intense concentration on his face. Sirius tried to see what he was writing, but his eyesight was blurrier as a dog.

He decided he wanted his presence known, so he sat down next to Regulus and tilted his head to the side. Regulus must have been concentrating very hard on what he was writing, since he still didn't see the huge black dog sitting next to him, so Sirius let out a small bark.

Regulus jumped and turned to see him, looking a bit confused. He peered around at the castle, and couldn't see anyone else. Sirius guessed he was looking for the owner of the dog.

"How did you get in here?" he asked Sirius, stroking him on the head. "You shouldn't be here."

Sirius simply wagged his tail and moved closer, letting his tongue fall out of his mouth and staring up at Regulus with huge eyes.

"Soppy mutt," Regulus said, rolling his eyes. "Go on... off you go."

Sirius didn't move. If this was the best sort of conversation he would get with Regulus, then he wasn't going to just walk away. Regulus sighed and folded up his parchment, tucking it away in his robes pocket.

"What do you want, then? Huh?" Regulus said, crossing his legs and staring at the dog expectantly. Sirius didn't do anything, so Regulus picked up a nearby stick and threw it towards a tree a couple of metres away.

"Fetch!"

Sirius jumped to his feet and ran after it, managing to catch it in his mouth before it even touched the ground. Obviously Regulus had thought that this would get rid of him, because he was already getting his quill out again, so Sirius raced back over to him and dropped the stick by his feet, staring up at him.

"Don't you have someone else to annoy?" Regulus sighed, picking up the stick and throwing it further away this time.

Sirius raced after it again, catching it and bringing it back. This continued for a couple of minutes before Regulus gave up and threw the stick into the Black Lake. Sirius, of course, didn't chase it this time. Instead, he lifted his paw and placed it on his brother's leg, resting his head on his lap.

"You're a lovely dog, I'll give you that," Regulus said quietly, while scratching behind Sirius' ears. "I wish I could be like you. So happy, so carefree."

Sirius stared up at him and licked his hand. Regulus rolled his eyes and wiped off the drool. "I take that back. You're gross."

They stayed sitting there for a while, and Sirius was about to get up when Regulus spoke up again. "I'm so lost," he whispered. It was as though he thought that telling the dog all of his problems would somehow relieve him a little from them. "My life feels pretty messed up right now. You know what happened?"

Sirius barked in reply and closed his eyes. He felt excited about the idea that he might be able to hear what was actually going on in Regulus' head – no lies, just the absolute truth.

"I'm going to die," Regulus said quietly, and Sirius saw a tear fall from his eyes. "I'm such a coward, you know? My brother always told me that. He always liked to remind me. It's not like I can even help it! I was born like this!"

He grabbed a handful of grass and pulled it out of the soil, throwing it into the lake and wiping his eyes. "Why the hell do pureblood families _have_ to arrange marriages for their kids, huh? What if I didn't _want_ to marry Lisa? Do I even get the choice? Oh _no_, of course not! I HAVE NO CHOICE IN THIS STUPID, WORTHLESS FAMILY!"

He sighed and lay down on the grass. Sirius sat next to him and rubbed his head against Regulus' side, urging for him to carry on. "I'm sorry, Snuffles. Can I call you that? You look like a 'Snuffles' to me," Regulus said, smiling at him. "I love Sirius. It's terrible, isn't it? I love him so damned much and now I've lost my chance completely, and do you know why? Because of this family. Because if it wasn't for their stupid rules about me having to marry Lisa, then we'd still be together, and he wouldn't have ch-cheated on me."

"So what do I do?" Regulus carried on. "I finally do what he wants. I _finally_ stand up to them and tell them I don't want to marry her, and now I'm STUCK! I'm stuck. What the hell have I done? I'll die if I d-don't... if I fail to... oh Merlin."

Regulus was now crying and Sirius knew he had to change back. He had to speak to him properly. He had no idea what was going on, but it seemed pretty serious. With a quick glance to make sure nobody was watching, Sirius transformed back into a human, right in front of Regulus' eyes.

Regulus sat up in shock and wiped the tears from his eyes. "What the... that was _you_? But... what... I don't get it."

Sirius shrugged. "I'm an animagus," he said. "And if you tell anybody, I'll obliviate you, so don't bother."

"But... how? Isn't it supposed to be really difficult?"

"It took a long time, but I managed," Sirius said.

"Why?" Regulus asked, looking a bit shocked still.

"Because of... nothing. It doesn't matter. What matters is what you just told me, Reg."

Regulus swallowed and looked away. "Sirius, you had no right turning up like that and... and-"

"- And what? Listening to you? You talked aloud, and I heard," Sirius said.

"Well I shouldn't have said anything," Regulus said, standing up and turning to walk off. Sirius grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back down so that they were sitting next to each other.

"Tell me. You're obviously upset about something, and I want to know."

"You would hate me," Regulus said, looking down at his hands. "Like seriously, _hate_."

"I wouldn't," Sirius said softly. "Please just tell me, Reg. Maybe I could help."

"Why do you think I would want help from _you_?" Regulus said. "You don't even like me."

"Yes I do!" Sirius yelled. "Of course I do!"

"Then why are you still with him?" Regulus asked, his voice breaking slightly.

"I love him," Sirius whispered. "And you're right. You blew your chance with me, but it doesn't mean we still can't be friends."

"I don't want to be your friend," Regulus said. Sirius sighed.

"Then what do you want?" he asked.

"I want you to love me again."

"Well that's just... I don't... _look_, Reg. We had our chance and it didn't work out," Sirius said, feeling awful.

"How can you just forget everything that happened last year?" Regulus asked, slightly accusatory. "The Room of Requirement. The _pool_! You saw it and so did I. We _are_ going to be together."

"Maybe I was wrong," Sirius said. "Maybe it doesn't show the future. Remember, that _was_ only a guess."

"Whatever, Sirius. I just can't believe that you can forget about everything so easily. You loved me, and nobody gets over people as quickly as that. I _know_ you still love me somewhere inside. I just know it."

"You're wrong," Sirius said. "And you changed the subject. Why are you so anxious all the time?"

"It doesn't matter," Regulus muttered.

"Well it obviously matters to you!" Sirius said, starting to feel a bit frustrated. "You know my secret – I'm an animagus. Now tell me yours."

"It's not the same."

"Tell me!" Sirius shouted.

"_Fine_!" Regulus replied. Sirius could see that he was sweating slightly, and he looked ill with nerves. "When I asked Mum and Dad if I could get a divorce, they gave me a condition."

"What condition?"

Regulus sighed. "They said I could only do it if I... if... I j-joined him."

"Joined him? Joined who? What are you talking abou-"

But before Sirius could even finish his sentence, Regulus had pulled up his sleeve to reveal a long, black tattoo on his arm. The Dark Mark.

Sirius wasn't sure how long he stared, but he knew it must have been a while. He was broken out of his thoughts by Regulus' distressed whispers. "Please don't tell, Sirius. _Please_."

"Don't _tell_?"

"Yes, please don't. I didn't want to join... I swear."

"How many people," Sirius said through gritted teeth. "Have you killed?"

Regulus' eyes widened. "None! I promise! I would _never_!"

"So that's why you're going to die then, is it? You join Voldemort without the intention of killing anyone. Of course he'll kill you. You're such a fucking idiot, you know that?!"

"Sirius, please try to understand," Regulus said desperately. "Try to put yourself in my shoes and think about it."

"Right," Sirius said. "Firstly, I wouldn't have kissed my brother to begin with, because it screws things up badly. Secondly, I wouldn't have been such a _coward_, thirdly, I would have stood up to Mum and Dad and run away before they could force me into anything! See, that's the differences between us! And now you're stuck. Well, good luck getting out of this one. I know one thing though. I've been telling you for _years_ to stand up for yourself and you _never_ listened, so here's what you get! You've had it coming for you, and if you die, I really _really_ wouldn't care less."

"I'm sorry-"

"- No, Regulus. Don't bother. I never thought you'd stoop this low, but once again, you've proved to me what an idiot you are."

Sirius stormed off up the hill towards the castle without even a glance back.

**##**

"Where have you been?" Remus asked as Sirius slammed the door shut.

"Out."

"Where?"

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

Remus didn't answer, and Sirius glanced over to see him looking down at the floor with that look on his face – the look that Sirius knew meant that he was upset.

"I'm sorry," he said feebly, putting an arm around him that Remus shrugged off.

"Whatever."

"Really, Rem. I'm sorry. I was just annoyed. I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"I said 'whatever', Sirius," Remus said, stalking out of the room.

Sirius closed his eyes and let out a grunt of frustration, closing his eyes and leaning back against the headboard of his bed.

**##**

When Sirius finally emerged downstairs for dinner, he made his way straight to Remus and took his hand.

"I'm sorry, babe."

"It's fine," Remus said, pulling him down next to him. "Really, I'm sorry too. I over-reacted a bit. It's just that the full moon's tonight and you know how I am."

"Well," Sirius said quietly. "We're getting married, so smile."

Remus couldn't help smiling and rested his head on Sirius' shoulder.

James and Peter dropped down opposite them at the table. "Hey," James said. He had his arm around Peter, who looked terrible.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked him worriedly.

"Mary dumped him," James whispered.

"I'm so sorry," Sirius said, feeling horrible for him. "You'll be ok though. We can get you some firewhiskey and have an anti-girl party or something."

"Ahem," Lily said from beside them. "Anti-_girl_ party?"

"I wouldn't go to it," James said quickly. "Just these two poufs and Pete."

"Hey!" Remus said, kicking James under the table.

"What?" James asked. "You are."

"Shut up, James," Sirius said. "C'mon Pete! It'll be great. It'll take your mind off that bitch who dumped you."

Peter smiled. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I'll sneak out tomorrow night if you want."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Nobody's getting drunk though," Remus warned, and Sirius could tell it was directed at him.

"You know what?" Sirius said menacingly. "I think you'll be getting drunk for once in your life, Rem."

"No way. I won't let that happen," Remus said. Sirius smirked.

"Well, I will," he said. "Easy. I bet you ten galleons I can get you drunk tomorrow night. Deal?"

"Deal," Remus said, shaking his hand and then kissing him quickly on the lips.

_Now it's time to plan_, Sirius thought to himself excitedly as he finished his dinner.

**###**


	13. Confrontation

**I'm so sorry it's taken so long. The thing is, I never got any reviews for the last chapter so I decided not to focus on it, because I lost motivation. However, I got a review the other day (thankyou!) and it gave me to motivation to carry this on. Also, I had writer's block with this story but hopefully it should be fine now :)**

**I hope you like this chapter!  
**

* * *

**Passage of Hesitance  
_Confrontation_  
**

Thoughts of Regulus and Voldemort and the Dark Mark were eating Sirius up inside for the whole day. They'd been scattered in his dreams and he'd woken up a couple of times after dreaming of seeing Regulus' dead body lying at the feet of Voldemort. He was still furious with Regulus for becoming a Death Eater, but he knew from the moment he said it, that it had been a lie – he would care if his brother died, and if that did happen, he'd be completely devastated.

Sirius was sitting on his bed with the Marauders Map on his lap, searching for Peter to return. He'd left over an hour ago to go and collect some alcohol for the 'anti-girl party' they were throwing tonight.

"He's still not back?" Remus asked from his bed. Sirius peered up and made his way over to Remus.

"No, not yet. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Remus said, with a small smile. "How are _you_ feeling?"

"Me? I'm fine. Why do you ask?" Sirius said quickly.

"You just look a bit distressed, that's all," Remus said. "Have I done something?"

Sirius ran his fingers through Remus' hair and planted a kiss on his forehead. "No way. Don't worry about it, Rem."

"Why can't you tell me?"

"Because... it's just not my secret to tell," Sirius said simply. "Are you sure you want to join in tonight? I mean, you're still recovering from the Full Moon last night."

"I'm sure."

"Okay then," Sirius said. "Well, you should sleep. I'll wake you up when Wormy gets back."

"Night, Sirius."

"Love you," Sirius replied. Remus smiled and closed his eyes as Sirius pulled the covers over him. Sirius stood up and headed towards James' bed, which had the curtains drawn. He opened the curtains and peered in, immediately closing the curtains again and gagging.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" came James' furious shout, breaking the silencing charm he had obviously placed on the bed beforehand. The curtains opened and James' head poked out, his hair more ruffled than usual and his face very flushed. "Ever heard of _knocking_?"

"I... just... sorry... I never saw anything... and how can I _knock_ on curtains anyway? Especially since you had a silencing charm up!"

"_Maybe_ the fact the curtains were closed meant 'do not disturb'."

"Merlin Prongs," Sirius said. "I'm really sorry, I wasn't thinking."

"Well think next time," James said angrily. "Now can you disappear while Lily gets dressed?"

"Oh... uh sure, yeah. I'll just... go downstairs for a bit," Sirius said awkwardly, stumbling towards the door and rushing out.

Why the hell were they having sex anyway, in a room where anybody could walk in? The initial awkwardness and embarrassment had washed away from Sirius' mind, and now it was just hurt. How was it that Lily was ready to have sex with James, but Remus wasn't ready to have sex with _him_? Was there something wrong with him?

A very flushed looking Lily came running down the stairs, avoiding eye contact with Sirius as she made her way across the common room.

"Hey Lily!" Sirius shouted, and she scowled at him before leaving the room. Only seconds later, James appeared and sat down next to him.

"I can't believe you!" James said.

"Well you shouldn't have been doing it in the room... where any of us could just walk in on you!" Sirius pointed out in defence. "Do it some place private next time."

"Oh yeah, like where?" James challenged.

"The Room of Requirement," Sirius said in a tone that indicated it was the most obvious thing ever. "That's where me and Reg used to go."

James closed his eyes and nodded. "Right. I really didn't need to hear about you having sex with your brother, Sirius. Gross."

"You know you love it really," Sirius said, ducking out of the way when James swung for him.

"No, I really don't," James replied, rolling his eyes. "What's happened to your anti-girl party then?"

"I have no idea," Sirius said. "Wormy hasn't returned yet."

"Probably got side-tracked at Honeydukes," James joked.

"Will you help me get Remus drunk?" Sirius asked hopefully. James raised his eyebrows.

"You want to get _Remus_ drunk? That's impossible..."

"No it's not!" Sirius protested.

"Remus Lupin – the werewolf... in other words, the one with the excellent sense of smell... he'll be able to smell the alcohol straight away if you try to spike his drink," James said.

"Crap," Sirius said. "I never thought of that. C'mon James, help me think of something."

"Why don't you get him to take part in a game, and the loser has to have a shot of Firewhiskey? That way he _has_ to drink, and you can sway the game so he loses."

"YES!" Sirius said excitedly. "Great idea... the ideas are already popping into my head."

"Glad to be of help," James said proudly. "And I think I'd like to see Moony get drunk, so I'm coming to your anti-girl party."

"No swooning over Lily though," Sirius warned, and James nodded. "By the way, can I ask you something?"

"Is this about what you saw?" James asked.

"Kinda," Sirius said. "I just wanted to know how you got her to... you know... give in."

"She told me she was ready," James said. "It was music to my ears, believe me. But seriously Padfoot, don't try to rush Remus. He'll let you know when he's ready."

"He's taking too long," Sirius muttered. James gave him a sympathetic smile and sighed.

"Where _is_ Peter?"

On cue, Peter burst into the room and ran straight up to the dormitory. James and Sirius exchanged confused glances and followed him upstairs.

"What happened?" Sirius asked when they reached the dormitory.

"Oh... nothing," Peter said, looking very pale.

"Yeah right, mate," James said. "Doesn't look like nothing. You look like you saw a ghost."

"Yeah, Nearly Headless Nick. Saw him on my way up," Peter said.

"Ha ha," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "If nothing's up, why are you so late back, and why don't you have any alcohol?"

"Oh," Peter said quickly. "I must have forgot!"

"Pete, what's up?" James asked seriously. "You can tell us."

"No," Peter said shakily. "No I can't. I'm sorry, I need to sleep."

With that, he pulled his curtains closed and didn't say another word.

"No party?" asked Remus, who had obviously just woken. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. Sirius shrugged.

"I guess not," he said. "Wonder what's up with Wormtail?"

"I don't know," James said. "Remus, find out for us will you?

"Why me?" Remus asked.

"Because people like talking to you about problems," James said. "_Please_?"

"Fine," said Remus. "I'll speak to him tomorrow."

"Well if there's no party, I'm going to bed," Sirius groaned.

**##**

The next couple of days went by slowly as Remus recovered from the Full Moon. James and Lily avoided being together around Sirius, which was a relief because the image of them going at it was scarring Sirius' brain. Peter was still acting strange, and nobody had managed to get a word out of him about it – not even Remus, who he usually told everything to – which was worrying to them all. Sirius was still worried about Regulus on top of all of that. It seemed that everything was piling up again and he just needed a break.

It was the last day before half term, when he and Remus would be taking the week away to the Dragon Fang hotel, and he couldn't wait. It would just be them, all alone, for a whole week...

Oh, the possibilities.

Sirius headed down through the secret passage to Honeydukes cellar. He'd received a letter from Remus' father after his seventh attempt of talking to him about Remus being gay. They were supposed to meet at Hogsmeade in front of the Hog's Head at 12pm today, so he was heading over there. He hadn't told Remus about this – he wanted it to be a surprise when he told him his parents were going to let him move back in.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" asked the elderly woman behind the counter at Honeydukes as she eyed Sirius suspiciously. Sirius winked.

"Shh."

She shot him a disapproving look as he left the shop and headed down the road towards the Hog's Head. Finally, he reached the pub and Remus' father was nowhere in sight.

He waited for a while until, at last, he spotted the man. Fifteen minutes late, Sirius noted sourly.

"Hi, Mr. Lupin. Thank you for coming," Sirius said quickly, going to shake his hand, but the man ignored his gesture.

"Don't thank me," he said angrily. "I had to come all the way up here to tell you this since I can't seem to get through to you in my letters."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked.

"I AM FUCKING FED UP WITH YOU SENDING ME LETTERS! TRYING TO GET ME TO CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT KICKING OUT MY FAGGOT CHILD! IT WON'T HAPPEN!"

Remus' father pushed Sirius up against the wall of the pub and held him there by his neck. Sirius tried to pry away his fingers, but the man was too strong.

"IS IT _MY_ FAULT THAT MY SON IS SO DISGUSTING AND FOUL? NO! IT'S FUCKING WELL NOT MY FAULT. IT'S YOURS! YOU'VE CAUSED ME AND MY WIFE SO MUCH PAIN AND CRAP AND YOU START SENDING ME LETTERS TELLING ME THAT _I_ NEED TO CHANGE _MY_ ATTIDTUDE? FUCK YOU!"

He tightened his grip on Sirius' neck. Sirius was now gasping for breath as Mr. Lupin dropped him to the floor and bent down to pick him up again. Without any warning, his fist made contact with Sirius' face hard and he fell to the floor again.

"DON'T YOU _DARE_ TRY TO SPEAK TO ME AGAIN! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE, YOU PATHETIC LITTLE BASTARD, OR I SWEAR NEXT TIME I'LL KILL YOU."

His eyes bore into Sirius', and Sirius felt so much hatred bubble up inside him. He couldn't believe someone as amazing as Remus could have a father as nasty as this. The man raised his fist and before Sirius could react, he received a painful blow to the jaw.

Remus' father walked off before Sirius could do or say anything else.

The pain was horrible. He was pretty sure his nose was broken, and he was also pretty sure he had a black eye. His neck was burning from the strain it had been under and his was struggling to breath. He couldn't even find the strength to move, so he sat there and closed his eyes.

Thank god half term was starting tomorrow, he thought in relief.

**###**


	14. Lying

**Yay for the reviews last chapter ;D I've had this chapter planned for a very long time, so I'm glad it's written now :) I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it XD**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Lying_  
**

Sirius stumbled back through the castle, feeling weaker and weaker by the second. He just needed to get into bed and relax. His face felt as though it was throbbing and it was a horrible feeling. He passed a mirror in a corridor and doubled back when he caught a glimpse of his reflection. If he hadn't known it was himself in the mirror, he would not have recognised himself. He looked like a complete mess – a hideous mess. He grimaced at his reflection, and decided it was probably best to head for the hospital wing first to make sure his nose wasn't broken.

When Madame Pomfrey spotted him in the doorway her face fell and she rushed over to him in concern.

"What happened?" she asked in horror as she drew closer to his bruised and battered face.

"I... got into a fight," Sirius lied. He couldn't stand the thought of people finding out that Remus' father was as violent as that.

"With who?"

"Just some guy," Sirius said. "It's fine. We made up now."

"Merlin, sit down. What's your name?" Madame Pomfrey asked.

"It's me, Sirius... Sirius Black," Sirius said, half amused that she didn't recognise him.

"Black? Whoever did this to you has done a lot of damage. You boys, you think it's 'cool' to beat each other up. It's childish if you ask me. And who gained anything out of it? Certainly not you," she said disapprovingly as she started to wipe the blood off of his face. "It seems as though you have a broken nose. You'll need to take this potion three times a day for the next three days," she said, handing him a clear potion. "Your nose should heal, but _only_ if you relax and don't get into any more fights."

"Ok, can I go now?" Sirius asked.

"Certainly not!" Madame Pomfrey said. "You can't go around school looking like this!"

"I don't mind," Sirius said, desperate to get away. "I'll borrow some makeup off a girl or something."

"That'll be a sight for sore eyes," she said, rolling her eyes and letting him stand up. "Off you go then."

**##**

"What the _hell_ happened to _you_?" James asked as Sirius came through the portrait hole.

"I'll tell you about it later, ok?" Sirius said quietly as people stared at his face in a mixture of horror and disgust. "Is Remus upstairs?"

"Yeah," James said, staring after Sirius in confusion as he headed up to the dormitory.

When he walked in, he raised his eyebrows at Peter. "Why in hell's name are you wearing a long-sleeved _woolly_ jumper when it's boiling outside?"

Peter went very pale and shrugged. "I didn't know it was warm."

"Fair enough," Sirius said.

"What happened to your face?" Peter asked, and Sirius grimaced.

"You don't want to know."

He opened the curtains to Remus' bed to see him scribbling down some notes from a rather big Ancient Runes text book. He looked up at the sound of the curtains being pulled back and his face fell as he took in the state of his boyfriend.

"What happened?"

"It's nothing," Sirius muttered. He could _never_ tell him that it was his father that had done that to Sirius. Remus slammed his book shut and stood up.

"Sirius. Tell me who did it."

"It was... just... I got into an argument with somebody. No big deal," Sirius said.

"No big deal? Your face is completely messed up! Who did this to you, babe?" Remus asked, running a hand softly over one of Sirius' bruises.

_Think, think, think._

"It was Regulus," he said quickly. "I was walking along and he had a go at me because he still loves me and I don't want him back."

"Seriously?" Remus asked, his expression changing.

"Yeah," Sirius lied. Remus nodded and grabbed the Marauder's Map off the table next to him and started scanning it. He folded it up again and quicker than Sirius would have thought possible, Remus was out the door and storming down through the common room. Sirius ran after him. "Hey, Rem! Wait!"

Remus didn't. He kept walking straight down the stairs and into the dungeons.

"Remus, what are you doing?!" Sirius shouted, struggling to keep up with him.

He heard a shout and a flash of light in the corridor where Remus had entered. Sirius rushed forwards and jumped back behind the wall as a flash of light almost hit him in the shoulder.

"HOW _DARE_ YOU HURT HIM!" he heard Remus yell.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING!"

_Oh crap_, Sirius thought as he finally realised what was going on. He knew he shouldn't have lied about it.

"Shut up, you liar!" Remus shouted. Sirius crept round the corner to find Remus standing nose to nose with Regulus, their wands pointing straight at each other's chests.

"I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, but I have work to do," Regulus said, shoving Remus into the wall and stalking off.

Remus raised his wand and shot a spell at Regulus who collapsed. "Don't you dare! You _know_ what you did to him!"

"Did to _who_?" Regulus asked through gritted teeth as he stood up. "I haven't done anything, I already told you that!"

"Yeah right," Remus said sarcastically. Regulus raised his wand and Sirius jumped between them.

"STOP IT!" he shouted.

"What happened to your face?" Regulus asked in horror.

"Like you don't know," Remus said angrily. "You're the one who did that to him!"

"WHAT?!" Regulus yelled incredulously. "Are you _out_ of your mind?"

"You know what?" Remus said, looking angrier than Sirius had ever seen him. "You're just jealous because he chose me over you! Deal with it. He chose _me_."

"Like I'd be jealous of _you_," Regulus scoffed. "Look at you. You're not even good-looking, you're a _Gryffindor_ and you look like a stick."

"Better than looking like a ghost," Remus replied. "I mean why are you so pale anyway?"

"Guys, please stop," Sirius said, although he was slightly amused by the petty insults they were coming up with.

"Sirius doesn't even love you!" Regulus yelled. "He only went back to you because I screwed up. If I hadn't, he'd still be with me."

"Will you _did_ screw up, didn't you?" Remus said. "So he's mine now. You can't take him from me. Especially if you think that you'll get him back by beating him up! You're crazy!"

"For the last _fucking_ time!" Regulus shouted in frustration. "I didn't beat him up!"

"See, what Sirius and I have is trust – something _you_ wouldn't know anything about," Remus said. "He wouldn't lie to me, and he told me you did it to him!"

Sirius felt his heart drop. Remus was going to hate him if he found out the truth. Regulus let out a harsh laugh.

"I didn't do anything to Sirius. I wouldn't ever _dream_ of hurting him. Looks to me like you two don't have much trust at all."

"Stop trying to turn me against him," Remus said, tightening his grip on his wand. "I _know_ Sirius would never lie to me."

"Oh my fucking god!" Regulus said. "SIRIUS, WOULD YOU JUST TELL HIM I DIDN'T DO IT?!"

Sirius swallowed and looked from Remus to Regulus as they stared at him expectantly.

"Look," he said quietly. "I lied BUT I had a reason-"

"-THANK YOU!" Regulus said loudly. "Apology, _please_."

Remus stared at him furiously and lowered his wand. "You really didn't hurt him?"

"No, he didn't," Sirius said. "I'm so sorry I lied to you, I'll explain it all, I promise."

"I'm sorry," Remus muttered to Regulus, who glared back and stalked off in the opposite direction. Remus sighed.

"Thanks," he said bitterly. "Thanks for making me look like a complete fool."

"Babe, I'm so sorry," Sirius said desperately. "I mean it."

"I don't want to talk about it," Remus said. "I just... never thought you'd lie to me."

"I had a reason-"

"- We're supposed to be getting married!" Remus said. "How do you expect me to marry you if I can't even trust you to be honest with me about things?"

"This is the only time, I swear," Sirius said.

"You swear?" Remus asked. "And how do I know _that_ isn't a lie?"

"Please, Remus. I beg you, please let it slide," Sirius said. "I'll do anything. I'll tell you why I lied."

"Okay then," Remus said. "Why did you lie to me?"

"I didn't want to hurt you," Sirius said. "And I know I did now. By lying to you, but I swear I did it for your own benefit."

"Just get to it," Remus said.

"Since Christmas, I've been sending letters to your parents. I've been begging them to see reason, and your Dad wanted to meet me in Hogsmeade to 'discuss things'."

Remus looked slightly shocked at the news – he hadn't had any idea that Sirius had been speaking to them.

"Anyway, I went to meet your Dad this morning and I really thought he was reconsidering the idea of us being together, and letting you move back in," Sirius said. "He wasn't. He did this to me. I'm so sorry, Remus."

"My _Dad_ hurt you?" Remus asked in shock. "He beat you up?"

"Yeah, and I didn't want to tell you because it's your Dad... I didn't want you to be upset," Sirius said.

"At the end of the day, Sirius, I'd rather know the truth," Remus said softly. "I'm not mad. Well, I'm mad at _him_ for doing that to you, but I'm not mad at you. I know you did it to protect my feelings, but please tell me the truth in the future."

"I promise I will," Sirius said, pulling Remus towards him. "Now will you kiss me even though my face makes me look like some mixture between an inferius and a vampire?"

Remus laughed and leaned up to kiss him. "You're still perfect to me," he said.

"I love you so much," Sirius said. "I want you to know that. What Reg said... that I didn't love you... that's not true at all, I swear. I love you more than you could imagine, I hope you know that."

Remus smiled. "I know," he said, leaning against Sirius' chest. "And I hope you know I love you too."

"Get a room," came a bored voice. They both turned to see James standing there with the Marauder's Map. "Ah, not nice to be caught in the act, is it Sirius?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "We weren't doing anything."

"Not yet, anyway," Remus whispered, grabbing Sirius' hand and kissing it softly. "Come on, let's get packing. We're going on holiday tomorrow."

Sirius grinned and his stomach fluttered at the thought of spending a week with Remus – especially after what he had just said.

**###**


	15. The Hotel

**I would've made this chapter much longer, but then it would've been WAY too long haha, so beware of the next chapter... will be extremely long and awesome :)**

**Thanks for the reviews last chapter, and here we go:**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
**_**The Hotel**_

"Come on, Sirius," Remus said as Sirius lugged his full Hogwarts trunk down the path that led to Hogsmeade. "We won't need all of that stuff."

"You never know what we'll need till we get there," Sirius said defensively. "I can't believe I'm going to a hotel - a _romantic_ hotel may I add – with a messed up face. What a way to kill the vibe."

"Sirius, don't worry about it," Remus said, squeezing his hand. Sirius looked down and smiled at him. What did he ever do to deserve someone like Remus? _You don't deserve him_, he told himself at the thought. _You're just very very lucky_.

They finally reached the bottom of the path and were standing at the corner of the cobbled street that was the village of Hogsmeade. "So how does it work?" Remus asked.

Sirius racked his brain for something on how to call the Knight Bus. He was pretty sure he'd been taught it at some point. Most of the things his parents had taught him had just went through one ear and out the other, as most of it was useless rubbish about blood purity.

"I can't remember," he said faintly, while desperately trying to remember. One thing he could remember though was when he was little. His mother had been in a lot of pain and he wasn't sure why. He remembered his father mentioning the hospital, and they both disappeared with a _crack_. He had sat there wondering what was going on – back then he didn't hate his parents. He couldn't believe they'd left him there all by himself.

He'd grabbed his coat and his mother's wand, and he'd run straight out of the house. He'd called out to them but there was no reply. It was when he tripped over his shoelace that he threw his hands out in front of him and moments later, a huge, triple-deckered bus had appeared in front of him. He remembered being truly frightened but at the same time excited as he'd asked the conductor to take him to the hospital all by himself. It was later when he found his father sitting alone in the corridor that he was yelled at for coming to the hospital by himself, but he wasn't in much trouble, for everybody's anger seemed to disappear when the nurse called them in to meet baby Regulus.

Sirius smiled at the memory. "I think you need to hold your wand out into the road."

Remus looked at him sceptically and decided not to question him. He took his wand out of his robes and held it out in front of him. Just as Sirius had remembered, the bus appeared before them, looking much smaller than Sirius remembered it.

"It's shrunk," Sirius said quietly.

"Or you've grown," Remus said, rolling his eyes. "Come on."

"Where can I take you boys today?" asked an old witch with wispy white hair. She was wearing a blindingly bright orange robe with snitches on it. Sirius grimaced.

"Um, the Dragon Fang Hotel, in London," he said quickly, trying to avert his eyes from the hideous robes.

They handed over their galleons and headed up the stairs to the second floor of the bus. There was nobody else there, as most of the other passengers were on the bottom floor. Sirius could remember from his last experience that the bus wasn't exactly comfortable. He could distinctly remember being thrown around and almost flying through a window before another passenger managed to grab him by his foot and pull him back inside.

"Uh, Rem?" he said. "I think we'd better hold on pretty tightly."

"Why?" Remus asked. Before Sirius could answer, the bus started moving and Remus was flung forwards right into him and they fell over, with Remus lying on top of Sirius.

"Could've just asked if you wanted to be on top, babe," Sirius said, smirking. Remus flushed and attempted to get up, but Sirius held him in place.

"Come on, Sirius, not now," Remus mumbled, his face still bright red.

"You look really hot when you blush like that," Sirius said, pulling Remus closer to him and kissing him.

As Sirius had expected, Remus blushed even more. "No," he said. "Sirius, look, the bus has stopped. Anybody could come on right now, and we're in a pretty dodgy position."

"Spoil-sport," Sirius muttered as he let go of Remus, and they both stood up. "We should probably sit down."

"Yeah," Remus agreed.

**###**

Half an hour later, they were standing in front of an old muggle train station that had signs all over it saying 'stay out' and 'closed' and 'enter at your own risk'. This time it was Sirius' turn to look at Remus sceptically. "Are you sure this is the right place?"

"Yep," Remus said, though his voice sounded fairly uncertain. "When I booked it, they sent a picture of this place and instructions on how to get in."

"Right..." Sirius said, staring at the dirty station in confusing. "Go on then, Moony. How do we get in?"

"We fly over the top of it on Thestrals and drop through the ceiling," Remus said. "Really Sirius, we go through the front door, obviously."

Sirius laughed and nodded as the stepped towards the door and Sirius shoved it open cautiously. The creaky door swung open to reveal a long staircase leading downwards. Sirius felt his heart beating. _Such a coward_, he told himself.

"Stop being such a scaredy-cat," Remus said, smirking and grabbing his hand. "Come on."

They walked down the stairs lugging their trunks behind them. The echoes filled the huge empty train station, making Sirius feel more and more nervous. Finally, they reached the bottom and Sirius could see an abandoned train sitting at the platform.

"We're not getting on that are we?" he asked, desperately hoping Remus would say no.

"Of course we are," Remus said, pulling out their tickets and slotting them into a small slit in the train door.

The scratchy speakers around the room came to life as a voice emitted from them. "Welcome to the Dragon Fang Hotel. Please state your names and how long you are staying for."

"Er... Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. We're staying for a week," Remus said quietly from beside him, and Sirius wondered whether they had actually been able to hear him. They obviously had, as the door to the train suddenly opened and Remus squeezed Sirius' hand.

"Let's go," he said, pulling Sirius onto the train. "Should we sit down? You know, in case it's anything like the Knight Bus?"

"Yeah, we probably should," Sirius said quickly. They took their seats and the train began to move. At first it was slow, but it gradually sped up until they were going so fast that Sirius felt like he was going to throw up. He was thankful when the train started slowing down again, and then finally came to a halt.

They sat in pure darkness for a moment, and Sirius had a horrible suspicion that the train had broken down. Then, suddenly the train was flooded with light as a door opened up on the other side of the train.

They hurried over to the light and stepped out of the train. They both stared around in complete awe.

The hotel was in absolute contrast to the grimy train station that they had just been in. It was utter luxury. They seemed to be standing in the lobby. The walls rose so high that Sirius couldn't even see the roof. The floor was made of some sort of marble, but he knew it wasn't marble. It sort of glimmered in a way that it looked as though they were standing on top of rippling water. He felt Remus tug at his sleeve and he was forced to look away from the magnificent floor and look up at the fountain standing in the middle of the room.

They stepped closer to it and peered in to see images floating around. It reminded Sirius guiltily of the pool in the Room of Requirement. He didn't dare look to see what the images were, just in case...

"This place is amazing," Remus said from beside him.

"I know," Sirius replied, pulling Remus away from the fountain for fear that he would see something he didn't want him to see.

"Shall we sign in?" Remus asked, nodding towards the front desk, where a young wizard sat scribbling away on his parchment.

"Sure."

They pulled their trunks along behind them and stopped when they reached the front desk. The wizard who was sat in front of them was wearing navy blue robes with the hotel's logo on the front; a Hebridean Black dragon with the large silver italic '_DFH' _intertwined through the dragon's open mouth.

The man behind the desk looked up as they approached and gave them a warm smile. "Welcome," he said, setting his quill down. "How may I help you today?"

"We've just arrived," Sirius said, leaning against the desk lazily and receiving an 'oh my god, Sirius, don't do that' look from Remus. Sirius rolled his eyes at his boyfriend.

"Right, so first you'll need your stamps," the man said, obviously not minding Sirius' lounging against the desk.

"Stamps?" Remus asked.

"Sure," the man said cheerfully. "We stamp your hands with our logo, and it just indicates that you're supposed to be here. That way you can get in and out with the scanner on the train. Just give me a moment," he said, scanning the paperwork in front of him and pulling out a long piece of parchment. He ran his finger down and then let out an 'oh' of apprehension and pulled out a huge black folder. "Names, please."

"It should be under 'Black'," Remus said quietly, smiling up at Sirius. The man behind the desk flipped to another page and nodded.

"Sirius Black and... Remus Lupin? You're here for a week, am I correct?" he asked. Sirius nodded. "Right," the man said. "May I borrow your right hands for a moment?"

Sirius reached over the desk as the man picked up a stamp and stamped his hand with the same logo that was on his own robes. Remus did the same, and then the man frowned.

"Oh," he said. "It says here that you're down for a double room. We can change that for you if you'd like... I mean it's much cheaper as well."

Sirius and Remus exchanged glances and Sirius shook his head.

"Er no," he said quickly. "We want the double room."

The man behind him looked slightly surprised and then a rush of understanding washed over him and he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Oh right," he said. "Yeah, sure. You'll be staying in room 733, and our concierge here, Lucy, will show you the way and answer any questions you might have."

A woman appeared from behind them, looking overly cheerful. "Good evening. I hope you enjoy your stay here at the Dragon Fang Hotel. May I assist you to your room?"

"Yeah, thank you," Remus said, as Lucy pulled her wand out.

"_Wingardium Leviosa_," she said clearly, pointing her wand at their trunks and leading the way with their floating trunks in front of her. "So, is this your first ever stay?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, staring around the place as she led them out of the lobby and to a long passageway.

"Well, you'll love it here," Lucy said. "It's the world's greatest hotel for the wizarding community, did you know that? I bet you didn't. But it is. I mean, even _I _love it here and I'm just a concierge, that's how lovely it is."

Sirius glanced at Remus who was also trying not to laugh at her over-enthusiasm.

"Here's the elevator," she said brightly, pointing to the lift. "Come, I'll show you how it works!"

They followed her inside and the door slid shut behind them. "All you need to do is enter your room number into this key pad here," she gestured towards the key pad and lifted the keys that were in her hands. "Room 733," she murmured, while entering the numbers.

The elevator was filled with awkward silence as it made its way to their room. Finally, it came to a halt and the doors opened to reveal a short corridor. "Follow me," she said, stepping out. "Your room!" she said, pointing towards a mahogany door with '733' written in golden print.

Lucy reached out with the key to unlock the door and Sirius tried not to look _too_ surprised at how big the room was – after all, wasn't Lucy enthusiastic enough?

"I'll leave you here," she said, letting their trunks fall to the ground and reaching into her pocket. "This is a map of the hotel. To get anywhere, you'll have to return to the lobby first and then you can see on the map where you'll need to go. Our hotel has hundreds and hundreds of exciting rooms to explore, from an underwater scuba diving room to our inside Quidditch Pitch. You'll find the full list on the back of the map here. We have three restaurants, and if you want details, please check the back of the map too. Do you have any further enquiries?"

Sirius shook his head, staring around at the bedroom. It must have had an undetectable extension charm cast on it, as it was bigger than the dormitory back at Hogwarts. There was a king size four-poster bed sitting in the middle of the room, with a huge Jacuzzi in the corner emitting steam. Sirius stared at it longingly.

"I hope you enjoy your stay!" Lucy smiled.

"Thanks," Remus replied, looking as in awe of the place as Sirius was. Lucy handed Remus the key to the room and headed back out of the door again and closing it behind her.

"I love you so much for this," Sirius said quickly, grabbing Remus' hand and leading him over to the bed and sitting down.

Remus grinned at him and opened up the map of the hotel. "Let's see. You don't want to go to any of the rooms tonight, do you?"

"Nah," Sirius said. "I just want to get into that Jacuzzi."

Remus laughed and rested his head on Sirius' shoulder. "There's so much here. Look, a room to hear another person's thoughts, a room to see the future, a room to see the _past_, a room to – oh wow – a room to relive memories... this is amazing."

"We should definitely go to some of those in the morning," Sirius said excitedly. "And what about the theme park?"

"How about the day after tomorrow?" Remus asked.

"Definitely," Sirius said, standing up. "But for now, Jacuzzi time! You'd better come in."

"Do I have a choice?" Remus asked, and Sirius smirked and shook his head.

"Of course not."

**###**


	16. Clouds

**Awwwww thanks for my reviews :D Loved them, and I love to hear what you guys want to happen... I'm not saying anything. At all. Reggie will be back next chapter though ;)**

**And I welcome you to the longest chapter of the fic so far XD I hope you like it!  
**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Clouds_  
**

Sirius woke up the next morning to find Remus snuggled against him, his arms wrapped tightly around Sirius' waist and his face pressed against Sirius' chest. He could feel the smaller boy's chest falling and rising peacefully, and he moved his hand up to stroke his hair.

_A whole week of this_, Sirius though happily as he stared down at Remus. He knew he couldn't have found a more perfect boyfriend if he'd tried. Remus was everything that Sirius wanted and needed, and more. He pulled Remus closer and inhaled his scent. _Amazing_.

Remus stirred and Sirius watched as his eyes fluttered open. "Hey there," Sirius said. Remus looked up at him tiredly and a smile came to his face.

"Hi," he said, reaching up to touch Sirius' face. "I had a dream about you."

"Did you now?" Sirius said, feeling a tingle in his stomach. "And what happened in your dream?"

"We did... stuff," Remus said, blushing. "Good stuff... fun stuff."

"Sexy stuff?" Sirius asked, winking. Remus laughed.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Wish I could've been there," Sirius said longingly.

"You were there... you know... in my dream," Remus teased. "You can be there next time though."

"I can?"

"Yeah," Remus said leaning up and bringing them closer together in a soft kiss. "Does tonight sound good?"

Sirius couldn't believe his ears. Tonight? He felt his heart beating faster and faster and he smiled down at Remus and nodded.

"Definitely," he said. "Tonight sounds amazing."

"Good," Remus said, smiling and sitting up. "Shall we go down for breakfast?"

**###**

"Wow, look at this place!"

The restaurant they were sitting in was beautiful. Everything was polished and spotless, their reflections shining off of every surface they came near. There were vases and vases of the most exotic and exciting flowers they had ever seen. They were seated in the corner by a young girl who looked no older than twenty. She smiled at them.

"What can I get you today?"

"Can we have a menu please?" Remus asked politely.

"We don't do menus here," she replied. "We do everything. Literally everything. Just ask, and we'll bring you it."

Sirius felt himself grin. "Right," he said, rubbing his hands together. "I'll have sausages, eggs, bacon, French toast, tomato, hash browns, mushrooms... um... pancakes, peaches, watermelon, ham and cheese sandwiches and... some doughnuts."

The waitress gave him an odd look and then muttered something to her Quick-Quotes Quill, which started scribbling things down. "And what would you like, Sir?" she asked Remus.

"I'll just have some scrambled eggs and toast, please," he said. The waitress smiled.

"Your food will be here in ten minutes," she said. "May I get you anything to drink?"

"I'll have some coffee please," Remus said. She turned to Sirius.

"Butterbeer," he said with a grin. She gave him another odd look before smiling and heading back towards the kitchen with her Quick-Quotes Quill right behind her.

"You're going to be so full," Remus said after she left.

"Why not make the most of it?" Sirius said. "Everything's already been paid for, and you can eat _whatever_ you want! Why not eat as much as I can?"

"Fair enough," Remus said, obviously not wanting to argue.

"Rem?" Sirius said quietly.

"What?"

"Will you play Quidditch with me later?" he asked. "I know you don't like it, but there's going to be a Quidditch match later and I really want you to play with me."

Remus sighed and reached out to take Sirius' hand. "I'll do it, just for you."

"Siriusly?!" Sirius asked excitedly. "You really will?"

"Yes," Remus said, rolling his eyes at Sirius' use of his name pun. "But I'll be terrible."

"No you won't!" Sirius said. "You'll look so sexy on that broom that nobody else will be able to concentrate on the game and we'll win."

"Right..." Remus said, staring at Sirius with worry. "I really think you need your eyes tested. I am _not_ sexy."

"I'm sure we've been through this before," Sirius said. "You're sexy. Really sexy. Too sexy for your own good, in fact. Just accept it, babe."

Remus smiled. "If you say so."

Their food arrived and Sirius immediately regretted ordering his three plates of food.

**###**

"Come on Sirius, choose a room to go to!" Remus said impatiently as Sirius stared at the map of the hotel.

"There are just so many!"

"I know that, but we'll never be able to go to them if you don't choose one," Remus said.

"Fine!" Sirius said. "How about... ah, how about the one where you get to relive a memory."

"Why not?" Remus said, smiling and taking Sirius' hand. "Lead the way."

They got lost a couple of times before Remus took the map and found the way immediately. When they reached the door, they stepped inside and were met with another door, with a board on it. Sirius hastened to read what it said:

'_When you step through this door, you will be taken back to the happiest moment of your life. If you are entering the room with another person, they will not be with you when you get there, as the happiest moment of their life may be different to yours. To leave, you must raise your wand and say the incantation 'relinquo' and you will return back to this room.'_

"Shall we do it?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah," Remus said, grinning. "Let's go."

They stepped forwards and opened the door. Inside, all Sirius could see was a thick grey mist. It looked daunting, and he hated to admit he was slightly scared to step in. Before he could say anything, Remus jumped through the door leaving him alone. _If Rem can do it, so can you_, he told himself. Gulping, he closed his eyes and stepped into the mist.

"I don't think it's sunlight," a voice said. _No, _Sirius thought. _No way._

He quickly opened his eyes and he felt like crying. He was where he'd suspected he'd be – The Room of Requirement. With Regulus.

He couldn't do this... but he wanted to... so badly. Sirius stared down at Regulus' pale arm, completely free of any hideous Dark Mark. He looked up at Regulus' face and felt himself melt under that gaze.

Maybe he _could_ do this. It wasn't like it was cheating on Remus, right? It was something that had already happened...

_No, you horny git_, a voice yelled in his head. _Remus wants to be with you tonight, just wait._

With that, he raised his wand and said "relinquo". Instantly he was standing back in the room with the door, and he felt extremely proud of himself for not giving in to temptation. He decided he'd better think of a lie to cover up for the happiest moment of his life being in the Room of Requirement with Regulus.

After a while, Remus appeared with a huge smile on his face. He threw his arms around Sirius and sighed. "That was amazing."

"What was your memory?" Sirius asked in interest.

"Us... when we kissed, you know when we got back together," Remus said. "When you blurted out that you still loved me."

"Oh, that," Sirius said, grinning at the memory. "Yeah, that was a great day."

Remus nodded. "What was yours?"

"When you said you'd marry me," Sirius lied. Remus looked up at him and smiled.

"I love you," he said quietly.

"I love you, too," Sirius replied, pulling Remus towards the door and stepping out. "Where do you want to go next?"

"How about this one?" Remus asked, pointing to the very room Sirius had taken an interest in.

"Yeah, this one sounds great," Sirius said.

**###**

'_Enter with the knowledge that things may not be as you may wish them to be. This shows the future. It cannot be changed, cannot be altered. Only enter if you are able to accept what you see. To leave, you must raise your wand and say the incantation 'relinquo' and you will return back to this room.'_

Sirius glanced nervously at Remus, who nodded. In all honesty, Sirius felt like he needed to visit this room. Whenever he thought of the future, he thought of spending the rest of his life with Remus. However, that was usually short-lived, as he would always remember the pool in the Room of Requirement and desperately wish someone could just tell him what the hell was going to happen in the future.

They stepped through the doors and were greeted by another room filled with doors. Each door had writing on it; '5 years', '6 years', '7 years'.

"How about twenty years?" Remus asked. Sirius nodded in excitement. He was about to see what he'd be doing twenty years from now. They stepped through into the familiar grey mist and Sirius was all alone. He assumed that it worked the way the other one did – he wouldn't see Remus until they came out again.

But nothing happened. He stood waiting and waiting but everything was black. _This is odd_, he thought. He wondered if maybe twenty years was too far to travel to the future. Deciding finally that he couldn't be bothered to wait anymore, he raised his wand and mumbled "relinquo". He was suddenly back in the room, but Remus hadn't returned yet.

Sirius decided to try another door. His hand hovered over the door with the '17 years' written on it. _That's double the age I am now_, he thought, and nodded to himself as he opened the door and stepped inside.

This time, it was very different. The scene swirled around him until it stopped suddenly and he was watching himself sitting in a very dark cave. He noticed that he looked terrible. He was skinnier than anybody he'd ever seen and he looked like death warmed up. He seemed to be wearing... prison clothes?

Sirius felt sick. He couldn't watch anymore. He didn't even want to know. He raised his wand once more and said "relinquo" and he was standing in the room full of doors. He was glad to see Remus there.

"Rem?"

Remus turned to face him, looking almost as ill as Sirius felt. Sirius wondered what Remus had seen.

"What did you see?" Sirius asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," Remus said quietly, looking down.

"But-"

"-Really, Sirius. Please don't ask me about it, and I won't ask about what you saw."

Sirius sighed. He didn't particularly want to tell Remus that he'd been in Azkaban prison and was wasting away to nothing. "Fine," he said. "But let's go to play Quidditch now, to lighten the mood a bit."

**###**

Quidditch with Remus had to be one of the most hilarious things Sirius had ever experienced in his life. Sirius had fought with the other people who had been put on his team to be the Seeker, since that's what he was used to. Remus was a Beater.

It had taken Remus ages to even get off the ground as he hated broomsticks, and then he was wobbling throughout the match. He had obviously decided to keep his bat between his legs because he didn't want to let go of the broom at all, and when a bludger headed his way, Sirius had to grab Remus' broom from behind and pull him away to safety.

"You have to hit it!" Sirius had yelled at him over the noise.

"But I can't let go of the broomstick!" Remus complained.

The rest of the match went the same. It was nothing like the Quidditch at Hogwarts, where the house teams were full of good Quidditch players. These teams were mainly filled with Quidditch fans, who might or might not have actually been very good.

Right before the end of the match, Sirius had nearly fallen off his broom when he saw Remus lift the bat with one hand and then hit the bludger hard towards someone on the other team and then start cheering like a maniac because he'd actually hit it.

Sirius caught the snitch soon afterwards, resulting in a victory for their team. It had been a fun game, at least.

"Why'd you have to catch it right after I got the hang of it?" Remus asked when they finished. Sirius noticed the disappointment on his face and laughed.

"Aw, I'm sorry, baby," he said, reaching down to run his fingers through Remus' hair. "You were amazing out there. Even when you weren't hitting the bludger. You made me laugh."

"Yay," Remus said dryly. "Remind me never to play Quidditch again."

"If you say so," Sirius said, planting a kiss on Remus' nose and then taking his hand and pulling him out to the hotel lobby. "Hey, why don't we just pick a random door?"

"Ok then," Remus said, smiling. "How about that one?"

Sirius headed towards the door and opened it for Remus. "After you, sexy."

Remus rolled his eyes and walked into the room, followed by Sirius. The room was different to the others – there wasn't another door inside with instructions on how the room worked. Instead, there was some sort of water slide.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at Remus. "Shall we?"

"Sure," Remus said, climbing up the ladder.

_Damn, he looks hot_, Sirius thought as he watched Remus climb. Remus looked back over his shoulder in confusion.

"Who looks hot?" he asked.

_How the hell did he know what I was thinking?_ "Er, you do!" Sirius yelled up to him.

"I think we're in the room where we can hear each other's thoughts... oh wait, Sirius can you hear me right now? I'm not talking, I'm just thinking," Remus said – or thought, Sirius wasn't sure.

"I can hear you, babe," Sirius called up to him. "I'm climbing up after you." He started climbing the ladder, laughing to himself as he heard Remus' thoughts.

"Don't look down, don't look down, crap, I bet Sirius can hear me, ugh, don't look down... oh my goodness, _why_, I said _don't_ look down... I think I'm going to be sick..."

_He's so hot_.

"Am not!"

They finally reached the top, where there was a huge water slide leading down towards a great pool of water at the bottom.

"I am not going down there," Sirius heard Remus say, and then realised he hadn't seen his mouth moving at all.

_I'm so pushing him down there_, Sirius thought, and regretted it immediately, as Remus shoved him straight down, obviously after hearing his thoughts.

_I hate you, Remus!_

"I love you too!" Remus called after him, with a hint of amusement in his voice. Sirius screamed as he slid downwards and then took a deep breath as he got closer and closer to the water, until _SPLASH_!

He was totally submerged and it took a few seconds before he was above water again, swimming towards the side of the pool and staring up at Remus.

"Come on down, Rem!" he yelled up.

"Can't do it, can't do it, god he's going to think I'm such a coward," Remus thought.

"You _can_ do it," Sirius said. He saw Remus nod from high up above him and then he finally let himself fall down the slide.

"OHHHHHHHHMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYGODDDDDDDDDDDDD!"

_SPLASH_! Sirius swam quickly over to where Remus was and pulled him towards him, making sure he was alright. When Remus emerged from the water, his wet hair was sticking to his face and a huge grin was plastered on his face. Sirius bit his lips as he tried not to think about how turned on he was. Unfortunately, he was in this damned room.

"Sirius!" Remus said, his grin growing even bigger. "Keep your dirty mind to yourself!"

_But you look so damned sexy right now with your wet hair and your gorgeous face and I just want to devour you right here, right now..._

"_SIRIUS_!" Remus flushed. "I think we need to get out of here before I give in to him. Oh crap, he can hear me, oh crap, crap, crap. Need to get out of here now."

"Oooh," Sirius said, his face lighting up. "Is someone else feeling slightly horny?"

"Yes," Remus said without moving his lips and looking horrified with himself. "I mean no!" he said quickly, jumping out of the pool and running towards the door. Sirius stared after him with a smirk and then decided he'd better follow. He watched Remus' eyes wash over him as he walked towards him.

"Oh Merlin, look at him. He's got to be the single-most gorgeous person in the world... those abs... he's so wet... Merlin... so hot."

Sirius was pleased at the way Remus was thinking about him right now, and when he reached him, pulled him in for a quick kiss on the lips.

"I'm afraid you're the single-most gorgeous person in the world, Rem," Sirius said as they finally left the room. Remus blushed.

"We're never going back into that room again," he said.

"I liked hearing your thoughts... I like to know I'm not the only one of us who gets turned on," Sirius said, and as he expected, Remus started blushing again.

"Yeah, well, what do you expect?" Remus mumbled. "Just look at you."

"I _know_ I'm hot," Sirius teased. "I'm just glad you think so too."

Remus slapped him in the arm and led him towards the elevator. "Come on, baby."

"Where are we going?"

"To the room," Remus said. "To dry off."

"_Just_ to dry off?" asked Sirius.

"No, not just to dry off," Remus said quietly, with a small smile.

"Oh," Sirius smirked. "Let's go, then."

**###**

Sirius' nerves were building up as they stepped into their room and he wasn't sure what to do. Sure, he'd been dreaming about this for long enough now and he did have experience with sex, but there was something different about Remus. Something innocent, something shy, something fragile. He didn't want to do anything wrong.

He looked up to meet Remus' eyes and he felt like his heart was going to melt at the sight in front of him. Remus' eyes were so gorgeous, he noticed. The way Sirius could just stare into them and it felt like he was looking straight into the other boy's soul.

He was vaguely aware of Remus taking hold of his hand and leading him towards the bed. Sirius pushed Remus down against the pillow and ran a hand down his arm, making a smile appear on his face.

Remus lifted his arms up to wrap them around Sirius' neck and he pulled him down to kiss him. It felt so much different than their usual kisses; much more sensual and exciting and special.

_God, he's perfect_.

Sirius ducked his head to get access to Remus' neck, where he started planting soft kisses trailing down towards his chest. He was glad when he heard Remus let out a soft groan of pleasure and he glanced up quickly to see Remus' head thrown back and eyes shut, with a small smile on his lips.

Sirius reached up to trace his fingers down Remus' face, and Remus took hold of his hand as he did so. The tingling in Sirius' hand was unexpected and unbelievable.

He couldn't stand it anymore. He quickly moved upwards so that he was level with Remus' mouth again and leaned down to crash their lips together. Remus' fingers moved to tangle in Sirius' hair as he pulled him closer so that their bodies were pressed against each other.

It was like a sense overload; the taste of Remus' lips, the electric pulsing through his body, the sound of his quickening breathing and low moans, that gorgeous smell... the one he could never quite describe.

They broke apart grudgingly and Sirius felt his insides melt as Remus smiled up at him. "Can I ask you something first?"

"Of course you can," Sirius said, running a hand up and down Remus' chest softly and kissing him on the forehead.

"How special is this for you?" Remus whispered. Sirius closed his eyes and laughed.

"Remus, I've been waiting for this my whole life," he said gently. "I know you're not my first but that was different. It wasn't like this. It felt like love at the time, but now when I think back to it, it wasn't love, it was just pure lust. Baby, I love you more than you could ever possibly imagine and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. This is the most special thing in the world to me."

He felt Remus let out a deep breath underneath him and then he was pulled down into a warm embrace. "Thank you," Remus whispered into his ear. "I love you."

And then everything seemed to happen so tenderly and perfectly in the moments following, and Sirius wasn't even sure how his clothes had ended up scattered around on the floor. All he knew was that every touch was so tantalizing, and they sent sparks all over his body. His heart and his brain weren't working together – he couldn't quite formulate what was happening in his head, but his heart was telling him everything was so _right_.

A new sort of happiness overcame Sirius, as he was showered with delicate touches and sweet kisses. He let go of everything as he felt himself falling, falling, falling... deeper down into blissful oblivion.

**###**

The next morning went by in a blur as Remus and Sirius hurried to get ready and eat breakfast before leaving the hotel for the first time since they had arrived two days ago. It wasn't until they had taken their seats on the Knight Bus and held onto the bars tightly that they really got to talk after the night before.

Sirius felt like a new person, like something had been awakened inside him and he wasn't complaining – it was an amazing feeling. Every time he looked at Remus, he couldn't help feeling like the luckiest person in the world. To know that he was the reason for Remus' blush, and he was the reason for his adorable smiles – it was the greatest feeling ever.

"What?" Remus asked, breaking Sirius out of his daydreams. He hadn't noticed that he'd been staring rather dopily at Remus, with that big grin on his face. Remus let out a small laugh.

"I... sorry, just... I was just admiring your gorgeousness," Sirius said, feeling like an idiot at his wording.

Remus looked down and smiled. "Do I need to ask you to get your eyes tested again?"

"Please stop saying that," Sirius said. "Maybe you need _your_ eyes tested. You can't see how perfect you are."

"Sirius, there's a reason people say 'love is blind'," Remus said quietly. "Anyway, who cares? I wanted to tell you that last night... it was the best night of my life. You were... just so wonderful, and god, it was..."

"I know it was," Sirius said, smiling. "I've experienced nothing like that in my life. _You_ were so hot."

"Oh shut up," Remus said, blushing. "Oh, look, we're here."

Sirius peered out of the window and it felt as if his jaw had dropped to the floor at the sight in front of him.

It had to be the most colourful, most vibrant place he had ever seen in his whole life. There was a huge metal sign saying 'Knight's Valley Theme Park' which was arching over the entrance, where hundreds of people were gathered.

Sirius stepped off the bus with Remus closely behind him, and they stared up at the sign. "Please tell me you brought a camera."

Remus smiled and pulled one out of his bag, gesturing for Sirius to stand in front of the entrance. Sirius pointed up at the huge sign above him with a huge grin and waited for the flash.

**###**

"This place is awesome," Sirius said an hour later when they'd managed to get in after waiting in the entrance queue. "_Please_ tell me you're not afraid of rides."

"I... kinda," Remus said timidly. "But don't worry, I'll just hold your hand if I get scared."

Sirius grinned, and put his arm around Remus. "Hey, what do you say we take a magic carpet ride first?"

Remus paled and then nodded. "Yeah, let's do it." Sirius grabbed his hand for comfort and they joined the queue.

After fifteen minutes of waiting, they were sitting on a magic carpet. Remus was sitting in front, with Sirius right behind, cuddling him around the waist with his head on his shoulder.

"I won't let you fall," he murmured into Remus' ear.

The carpet started to rise slowly and Sirius felt Remus tense. He instinctively held onto him tighter as the carpet got higher and higher up in the air. Then it started moving slowly and smoothly over the top of the park. They could see for miles from up there, and it was so much better than a broomstick. For one, he felt safer, and it was also kind of relaxing.

The carpet dipped down and he heard Remus let out a squeal. "You didn't hear that," Remus said quickly, flushing with embarrassment. Sirius smiled.

"Sure I did," he said, kissing Remus' cheek.

The magic carpet started going faster and faster, and the ride was now more like a muggle rollercoaster without tracks or a cart. Remus had lost all of his Gryffindor bravery and was now screaming loudly and freely – not seeming to care anymore if Sirius heard him.

Sirius, in all honestly, felt like screaming too, but managed to keep from letting it out. He could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins as the carpet went up and down, swerving from side to side and then even flipping over. He laughed as Remus' screams stopped when they flipped over, and then started again when they were moving forwards.

Finally, the carpet started slowing down and fell slowly back to the ground. Sirius helped Remus up, and was surprised when Remus yelled, "Let's do that again!"

**###**

"Sirius, you're hurting me. Padfoot? Hey, ouch! _SIRIUS_!"

"I'm sorry," Sirius mumbled, easing his grip on Remus' arm slightly. "But this place is creepy."

"No, it's not creepy is it?" Remus said sarcastically. "Why would a haunted house be creepy?"

"Shut up, you idiot," Sirius said, removing his hands from Remus' arm completely and deciding to face up to his fears. "I'm not scared anyway," he said.

"Ok," Remus said, and Sirius could hear the smile in his voice.

The house was pitch black, and it was a walk-in haunted house. They were walking side-by-side and they seemed to be the only people in there at that moment. Suddenly, an ear-splitting scream echoed through the long dark hallways, making Sirius physically jump and grab on to Remus in fear.

"Ouch," Remus complained, as Sirius tried to control his breathing.

"Look, Rem. I'm not scared, but can we leave?"

"Of course you're not scared," Remus said. "And no, we can't leave. We're half-way through. Where do you propose we go?"

"Why did you drag us in here?" Sirius moaned. A sudden feeling that somebody was watching them spread over him and he tensed. "Quick, quick," he whispered. "Through that door."

They opened the door to find a dark room with flickering lights. There was a disgusting rotting stench in the room, and Sirius felt like he was going to throw up.

"Smells like death," Sirius said, covering his nose and mouth in disgust. As he walked forwards through the room, he realised that Remus wasn't with him. He turned around to see Remus frozen by the door.

"Hey, Rem, what's wrong?" he asked, hurrying over and taking Remus' hand.

"I don't like this," Remus said. "I want to leave."

"Why? Two minutes ago, you said you didn't want to leave," Sirius said in confusion.

"There's something _off_ about this room," Remus whispered.

"Tell me about it."

"No, really," Remus said. "Please, can we turn back?"

"What's wrong with it, Rem? It's just a dark room with a god-awful smell."

It seemed that Remus hadn't heard him as he stared off over Sirius' shoulder with an alarmed look on his face and he shuddered as the lights flickered. His eyes widened and he grabbed Sirius' hand.

"Please can we go? There's something in here, I just saw it," Remus said quickly, pulling Sirius towards the door. The haunted look on Remus' face was frightening Sirius more than anything in the room.

"What is it?" he asked. "Can you tell what it is?"

"I think there are inferi in here," Remus said quietly, his voice shaking. "Behind cages. That's why it smells like rotting and death in here... but why would they put inferi in here?"

"_Inferi_?" Sirius asked, feeling his heart rate pick up in fear. He'd heard too many stories about them not to panic. "But... who created them? They would have had to be created first to be put in here?"

"I don't know... I don't really want to know... I just want to leave," Remus said. "C'mon."

Sirius let Remus lead him out of the room and back through all of the rooms they'd already been in. When they finally reached the entrance, Remus shoved the door open and pulled Sirius out quickly. The witch who had let them in frowned at them.

"You can't come out this way," she said.

"Well too bad, we did," Sirius said angrily. "How the hell can you put inferi into a _theme park_? Merlin, have you never thought about-"

"- Sirius, let's go," Remus said, pulling him away and rubbing his arm. "Just forget it. Let's do something else."

"Do you want me to win you something at one of those stalls?" Sirius asked, trying to think of something else other than what had just happened.

"Always so certain you'll win," Remus laughed. "Go on then, win me something."

Sirius rubbed his hands together excitedly and headed towards the nearest stall.

"Good afternoon! Would you like to play today to win one of these giant teddy bears? It's two galleons for five turns!"

Sirius quickly fished two galleons out of his pocket and handed it to the woman behind the stall. "What do I do to win?" he asked.

"You need to levitate this ball through this tunnel here. If the ball touches the side, you'll hear an alarm go off and you have to start again. If you get it to the end without it touching the sides, you'll win. Just one thing before you start," the woman pulled out a strange device and held it next to Sirius' mouth. "Tongue please. I just need to make sure you're not under the influence of any luck potions."

Sirius stuck his tongue out obediently to touch the device, which lit up green. "You're free to play," the woman said, smiling warmly at him.

"C'mon Sirius," Remus said encouragingly. "You can do it."

Sirius took his wand out and cleared his throat. "_Wingardium leviosa_," he said, pointing his wand at the ball and steadily moving it upwards.

The first shot was going well until Sirius needed to sneeze and could no longer hold it in. He sneezed and the alarm sounded as the ball hit the side of the tunnel and fell back to the bottom. Feeling frustrated with himself, he went a little quicker this time, and touched the side almost straight away. Again, he failed, and the fourth time, he failed.

"You need to relax," Remus said. "Take your time, and don't sneeze."

"Like I can help sneezing," Sirius said, casting the spell again and lifting the ball very slowly up the tunnel. His arm ached immensely as he neared the end of the tunnel and he almost gave in to the strain, but he managed to push through. The ball reached the end of the tunnel and he jumped up quickly with a huge grin. "I did it!"

"Oh, well done, well done! You're our first winner today," the woman said happily. "Take your pick of a prize."

Sirius looked at Remus. "Go on then, it's for you."

Remus smiled and picked out one of the giant teddy bears. "I'm going to shrink it, though," he said. "Thanks for winning it for me."

"Told you I'd win," Sirius said.

"Yeah," Remus said. "I'm proud of you."

**###**

The day went on in the same manner. They went on a few more rides, and then the magic carpet one a couple more times. When they'd been on almost everything, Sirius suddenly had a thought.

"We haven't been to the zoo yet," he said. "We _need_ to go, it'll be exciting."

Remus sighed. "Do we have to go to the zoo?"

"Why wouldn't you want to go to the zoo?" Sirius asked in surprise. "They'll have some awesome creatures in there. Ones you'll never see anywhere else."

Remus looked torn, and then finally nodded. "Ok, fine."

"Yes!" Sirius said triumphantly, pulling out the park map and finding where the zoo was.

They headed over there quickly, as it was already getting dark and the park was due to close in an hour.

The zoo was Sirius' favourite part of the day. There were all sorts of creatures in there. Remus complained plenty a time that the creatures shouldn't be kept in cages and enclosures like that, and to some degree, Sirius agreed, but it was amazing to see them real-life and up close.

The creatures ranged from small, harmless things like Diricrawls, Horklumps and Augureys to the more dangerous, exciting creatures like Acromantula, Quintapeds, Lethifolds and Dragons. Those were the ones that Sirius was the most interested in. He'd stayed at the dragon enclosure for twenty-five minutes before getting ushered along by one of the park rangers.

"Did you see the way that Peruvian Vipertooth ate that goat?" Sirius said excitedly afterwards. "That's a once in lifetime experience right there."

"Yeah, I've always wanted to see a poor goat getting eaten by a vicious dragon," Remus said, rolling his eyes as they made their way to the next enclosure.

"Oh come on, Remmiekins!" Sirius said. "It was classic!"

"Please don't call me that," Remus said, flushing red. "What a name to come up with, _Remmiekins_. How would you like it if I started calling you Sirikins?"

Sirius scowled. "Fine then, Remus. Better?"

"Loads," Remus said, with a grin.

They got closer and closer to the next enclosure, and Sirius peered inside. "I wonder what's in there?"

Like earlier in the day, Remus froze and then hastily took a step back. "I'm not going in there."

"Why not? Is it inferi again?" Sirius asked.

"No," Remus said, looking anxious. "Can we just walk straight through and not stop?"

"Okay, if you want..." Sirius said uncertainly, taking Remus' hand and opening the door.

Remus walked fast through the enclosure, not stopping at all to look at what creature was in there. Sirius, being the curious one, walked a bit slower and glanced through the glass window. "Wait," he said to Remus, who sighed.

"What?" Remus asked, looking nervous.

Sirius was confused. Behind the glass were a group of... humans. Males and females. What shocked Sirius the most was that they weren't acting like humans at all – they were more like animals. They weren't wearing any clothes, and they all turned their heads to look at Sirius and Remus. Suddenly, they all came diving towards the glass in a very animalistic manner, some of them pressing up against the glass.

"Sirius," Remus whispered. "Come on. Let's go."

"I don't understand," Sirius said. "They're people. Why are they in there?"

"Sirius, I-"

"-Oh Merlin," Sirius said, feeling his heart drop as he saw the sign at the side of the glass. No way, it couldn't be...

"They're werewolves," Sirius said quietly, feeling bile rise in his throat. "How... what the... they're _people_! That's why you didn't want to come in... oh Rem, I'm so sorry!"

Sirius lunged himself at Remus and pulled him into a hug. "I'm so so sorry."

"Sirius," Remus said quietly. "Can we talk about this once we get out of here? I'll explain in a minute."

Sirius nodded and they left the room without a glance back. When they got outside, Sirius stared at Remus expectantly. "Well?"

"I... kinda... I knew they'd be in there," Remus said. "I should be in there."

"_What?_" Sirius asked in shock.

"I know it sounds bad, so please don't judge," Remus said quickly. "But when I first got bitten, my parents weren't sure what to do. They didn't know if they wanted to keep me or... you know... send me to somewhere like this. It was a hassle looking after me, I know that. They had to find somewhere for me to transform and then pay for healers to look after me afterwards. They said they'd keep me until I was eleven, and then wait to see if I got accepted at Hogwarts. Thank Merlin I got accepted, though. Otherwise, I'd be in there now."

Sirius felt sick. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I can't believe them!"

"Look, you _know_ my parents aren't exactly... uh, accepting of things," Remus said. "I think it's just because they're afraid."

"I hate them," Sirius said. "No offence or anything, but I hate them."

"_Sirius."_

"Well, I do! Think about what your dad did to my face! _And_ they kicked you out for being gay, and now _this_?!"

"Can we please not talk about it? They kicked me out, ok? That's that. I don't have to think about them anymore," Remus said desperately.

"I still can't believe that they're keeping werewolves in here, though," Sirius said angrily. "They're just people."

"That's what you might think, but most people don't. They're fascinated to see what we're like when we're not transformed."

"Did the other werewolves know you were one?" Sirius asked suddenly, the idea just having popped into his head. Remus nodded.

"They could sense it," he said. "That's why I couldn't stand it. It made me feel really guilty. Like, they had to be stuck in there while I was out here doing things like a normal person. I could sense the jealousy and the anger in them."

"I'm sorry, babe," Sirius murmured, drawing Remus close to him and kissing his hair. "I swear, if I'd have known, I would have listened to you."

"It's not your fault," Remus said. "Don't worry."

"Please don't be feeling all upset over it," Sirius said. "I want you to be happy."

"I am," Remus said, leaning back and smiling at Sirius. "I am. I love you."

"I love you too," Sirius said.

**###**

That night was one of the most hilarious nights of Sirius' life. During dinner, he'd noticed the mood getting slightly serious, so had slipped quite a lot of Firewhiskey into Remus' drink for a laugh. He hadn't actually expected Remus to drink it, he'd expected him to smell the alcohol and instantly tell him off, but it seemed that Remus hadn't even noticed.

Sirius tried not to grin as he watched Remus sway in his seat as the night went on and his face seemed to get happier and happier.

It wasn't until they decided to head back to the room that Sirius realised exactly how drunk Remus was. He stood up and fell straight back down again, giggling like crazy.

Sirius laughed and lifted him up. Remus drooped against him for support, as he could barely walk. The whole way back to the room he laughed and laughed, and Sirius had absolutely no idea what was so funny.

Finally, they reached the room and Remus flopped down on the bed with a loud sigh.

"S'been a good day," Remus said. "I want a magic carpet and and and some chocolate and some little tiny cute little pygmypuffs and-"

"-Come on Remmie," Sirius said, throwing an arm around him. "I think you need to get some sleep, you're completely drunk."

"I'm not!" Remus said, looking offended. "I haven't uh... haven't had any alc'ol."

"That's what you think," Sirius mumbled, with a smirk. "Come on, pyjamas."

Remus giggled. "My name's Remus, silly..."

Sirius rolled his eyes, and stood up in front of Remus. "Hands up," he said.

Remus threw his hands in the air and Sirius pulled his t-shirt off. "Oooh you just had to say you wanted me to take my clothes off!"

"No, baby. I'm just helping you into your pyjamas."

"Oh," Remus groaned, looking very confused. When Sirius had finally got him into his pyjamas, he slid under the covers with him and held him close.

"Mmm," Remus said quietly, pulling himself closer to Sirius. "You smell like a... like... you smell like a cloud."

Sirius looked at him oddly and ran his hand through Remus' hair. "A cloud?"

"Yeah," Remus mumbled.

"What does a cloud smell like, Rem?" Sirius asked, trying not to laugh.

"It smells like you," Remus said tiredly.

"Ah, ok," Sirius said, shaking his head at the remark. "Well, uh, thanks."

Remus stared up at him and grinned. "Mmm, you're such a big fluffy cute cloud, I could cuddle you forever n' ever."

With that, he squeezed Sirius tightly and rested his head on his chest. Sirius decided not to say anything as he felt Remus' grip loosening until finally he looked down at his boyfriend to see that he was fast asleep.

_You're the best_, Sirius thought as he watched Remus. _You're the best thing that's ever happened to me_.

**###**

The rest of the week went by in a similar way. They explored more of the hotel, and every night, Remus checked his drink to make sure there was no alcohol in it. Sirius _did_ attempt to spike it again one night, but he was caught out by Remus and told off.

It was a depressing feeling at the end of the week, when they had to pack their bags and head over to the lobby to get their stamps removed with a special potion.

The thought of going back to school was the worst of all thoughts. Back to lessons and homework and revision...

Sirius groaned when they stepped off of the Knight Bus on the Sunday night. Remus gave his hand a squeeze and smiled at him.

The look in his eyes reminded Sirius that school would be completely fine if Remus was with him. After all, he was never happier than when he was with Remus.

"Better go and do all my homework," Sirius sighed.

"You haven't done any of your homework?" Remus asked, sounding slightly amused. "You idiot!"

"_Sorry_," Sirius said. "I was caught up having the best time in my life with the best person in my life."

"Aw, do you really mean that?" Remus asked.

"Of course I do," Sirius said. He couldn't help thinking back to the room where you relive your happiest moment, and he wondered and hoped that this holiday had taken the other memory's place. If not, he wasn't sure what he was going to do. If something like this couldn't make him the happiest person in the world, then...

He didn't want to think about it.

**###**


	17. Studying

**Wow guys! I loved your reviews for the previous chapter :D Amazing! Thank you!**

**A much shorter chapter now. I thought I'd leave it on a cliffhanger too, mwahahaa ;)  
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**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Studying_  
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The next couple of months were slow and tiring. The teachers were setting so much homework, and Sirius couldn't keep up. Between Quidditch and lessons and studying, he hardly had time for anything else. The only time he ever really got to see Remus was at night, when they'd both be too tired to do anything. He knew his grades were slipping, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He needed more time with Remus, and if that meant abandoning his study time for a few hours, then so be it.

Unfortunately, Remus (being Remus), wouldn't abandon study time for anything.

"_Please_?" Sirius whined as he slouched back in his chair in the library. "I'm bored of studying and I can't watch you study for any longer otherwise I'll go crazy with lust."

"What are you talking about?" Remus said, not lifting his eyes from the page in front of him.

"You're too sexy when you study, Merlin!" Sirius said grumpily. "I want to spend time with you, Rem."

"NEWTs are coming up soon," Remus protested.

"IN A YEAR!"

"Sirius, you know how important it is for me to do well," Remus said, looking up from his book for the first time. "Dumbledore has allowed me to study here, and I'm not letting him down."

"But it's _boring_," Sirius whined. "I want to kiss you or something... when was the last time we actually kissed?"

"Last night," Remus said.

"_Exactly_!" Sirius said. "We haven't kissed _all day_! How am I supposed to deal with that?"

"I don't know," Remus said, rolling his eyes. "Go and find something to take your mind off it. Why don't you study, or practice Quidditch, or-"

"Whatever, Remus. I know you want good grades, but it's not fair to shut me out like this," Sirius said, standing up. "Don't look at me like that, you know it's true."

"_Sirius_," Remus said, grabbing his hand. "I'm sorry. You know that if I could, I'd spend all of my time with you."

"I understand," Sirius said. "Schoolwork before your boyfriend. Whatever."

"Sirius, wait," Remus said as Sirius headed out of the library. He didn't turn back. He knew he was being a little insensitive, but it had been far too long now, and Remus never spent any time with him.

He headed straight back up to the Gryffindor common room and stormed in, feeling annoyed with himself and at Remus. He looked up to see James sitting on the sofa with an equally annoyed expression on his face.

"Let me guess," Sirius said as he sat down next to James. "Lily is too busy studying to spend any time with you?"

James looked at him in confusion. "Am I that easy to read?"

"No," Sirius said grumpily. "Remus is the same. I haven't kissed him since _last night_!"

James laughed. "I haven't kissed Lily since yesterday afternoon! Why do they need to study anyway? NEWTs are ages away."

"That's what happens when you date prefects," Sirius said, leaning back on the sofa and sighing. "Summer holidays, James. We're inviting Lily and Remus over to your house. Deal?"

"Deal," James said. "But we'd have to invite Wormtail too. I feel like we leave him out too much these days."

"He always excludes himself," Sirius pointed out. "That's not _our_ fault."

"It is," James said. "If I wasn't too busy with Lily, and you weren't too busy with Remus, then Peter wouldn't have to exclude himself. I think he's lonely. We need to hook him up with someone."

"Ha!" Sirius said. "Fat chance. Every girl in this school seems to be studying non-stop at the moment."

"Idiots," James groaned as the portrait hole opened and Peter walked in. "Speak of the devil."

"Hey, Pete!" Sirius shouted across the common room. Peter turned and started walking towards them.

"Hey guys," he said quietly as he sat down. "Where're Remus and Lily?"

"Studying," James and Sirius said in unison.

"Where have you been all day then?" Sirius asked him. Peter shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Hogsmeade," he said.

"Why'd you go without us?" James complained. "We've been holed up in here bored out of our skulls."

"I uh... it was a date," Peter said, flushing. "Couldn't really invite you guys, you know."

"You had a _date_?" James asked, looking sceptical. "Who with?"

"I can't tell you," Peter said. "We're keeping our relationship secret. Anyway, I'm just going now... to... uh, see her. Bye, guys."

He hurried back out of the common room, leaving Sirius and James looking at each other with equally confused expressions.

"Do we even _want_ to know what he's up to?" James asked.

"Probably not."

**###**

"I'm so sorry about earlier, Sirius," Remus said as they were lying in bed that night. "I should have stopped studying."

"But you didn't," Sirius said. "If you're so sorry, you would have come after me when I walked out."

Remus sighed and leaned against Sirius. "I'm sorry," he said, looking up at him. Sirius sat up.

"Okay," he said. "It's Saturday tomorrow. How long are you going to study for?"

"Well, I need three hours of study for each of my subjects," Remus said.

"That's _twelve hours_!" Sirius said angrily. "So you'll probably wake up at about eight. Have breakfast and get ready and then start working at nine. You won't be finished till nine o'clock at night!"

"I'm sorry," Remus said again. "But it's important to me. Like Quidditch is for you."

"I don't do Quidditch for twelve hours a day, when my boyfriend desperately wants to spend time with me," Sirius said. "It's like you don't even care about us anymore."

"Us?"

"US! Me and you! Our relationship," Sirius whispered loudly .

"You're being really unfair, Sirius," Remus said quietly. "I need to study. I'm _trying_ my hardest to fit you into my schedule, I really am."

"I should be priority," Sirius said.

"No you shouldn't!" Remus replied. "You're my _boyfriend_! You can always be replaced, and most people don't end up marrying their highschool sweetheart anyway. Not saying that I _would_ replace you, because I never would, and I _will_ marry you, but regardless. School comes first. Those grades will help me in the future, more than you will."

Sirius stared open-mouthed at him. How could he have just said that? After everything they'd been through.

"You think that _grades_ will help you more than I will?"

"Yes."

"Do _grades_ make you happy? Do _grades_ help you when you're tearing yourself to pieces at the full moon? Do grades love you? I don't think so, Remus. And besides, you're a werewolf. Grades won't help you. You could get four Os for your NEWTs and you still wouldn't get a good job, because people will fire you as soon as they find out what you are!"

As soon as he'd said it, he'd regretted it as he saw the flash of hurt cross Remus' face.

"I can't believe you just said that," Remus mumbled. Sirius felt like saying sorry. He felt like pulling Remus into a hug and saying he didn't mean it, but it _was _the truth.

"Well I said it," Sirius sighed. "Deal with it."

Remus slid out of bed and ran from the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Idiot, idiot, idiot," Sirius told himself as he lay there alone in the bed.

It took him a long time to get to sleep that night, with snippets of the argument coming back to him every five minutes. It was all he could think about. He knew what he'd said was harsh, but he kept telling himself that he had only said the truth, and Remus needed to accept that it was the truth. No amount of studying was going to help him get a job in the future.

When Sirius finally got to sleep, the sun was already rising.

**###**

"Come on, Padfoot. Get up," James said. Sirius groaned as the night before all came back to him.

"It's Saturday," Sirius moaned.

"Yeah, and we have Quidditch practice, remember?" James said in frustration. "Come on, mate."

Sirius forcefully got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to get ready. He really wasn't in the mood for Quidditch today. What he really needed was to talk to Remus and sort things out. He wondered where Remus was – he hadn't heard him come back into the room last night.

Sirius took his time in the shower, and then headed downstairs to eat breakfast alone. He wasn't a morning person, so nobody really bothered trying to talk to him in the morning.

When he finally made it down to the Quidditch pitch, practice had already started without him. He saw James shoot a furious look at him as he arrived half an hour late.

"The Slytherin Quidditch team have booked the pitch right after us, and you turn up _half an hour late_? Well done. You have ten minutes to change my mind about not talking to you for the rest of the week. Go on."

Sirius hated James when he was in 'Quidditch captain' mode. He was always so strict and never had any sympathy for anybody.

He rolled his eyes and grabbed his broomstick, lifting off from the ground with little enthusiasm. He circled the pitch a couple of times before catching a glimpse of the snitch and plunging down to catch it. He swerved around the Hufflepuff stands and lost sight of the tiny golden ball. It had been right in front of him – in touching distance. Where could it have gone?

He slowed down and searched frantically.

"Looking for this?" he heard someone say. He turned around quickly and held his hand out.

"Give it back," Sirius said to Regulus, who was leaning against the stand holding the snitch.

"Come and get it."

"Reg, please. Not now. James will kill me if I don't catch it," Sirius said. Regulus smirked.

"Come and get it off me," he said again, holding the snitch out in front of him.

"This isn't funny, Reg."

Regulus shrugged and headed back towards the castle with the snitch still in his hand. Sirius wasn't sure whether to follow or not. He looked towards James, who was currently yelling at another team member for flying too slowly, and decided quickly that he didn't want to face James' wrath this early in the morning. He jumped off of his broom and ran after Regulus quickly, trying to avoid James seeing him.

"Oi, you! Wait up," he yelled after Regulus.

"I have a name," he replied.

"_Reg_," Sirius said, panting slightly as he ran to catch up. "Come on, give it to me."

Regulus looked at him, and then let go of the snitch. It flew up above them and the zoomed off and disappeared in the distance.

"Now, you can either go after that, or come with me," Regulus said, staring after the snitch and then back at Sirius.

"What are you trying to achieve here?" Sirius asked.

"You," Regulus said, walking ahead of him. Sirius couldn't help but follow. After all, the snitch would be long gone now. He followed Regulus up around the castle and to a small courtyard area that Sirius had rarely been to. Most people never ventured there as the trees were thick and difficult to get through.

"Where are we going?" Sirius asked.

"_I'm_ going to the courtyard. You're welcome to come with me," Regulus said, taking his wand out and muttering a spell at the thick shrubbery. It shrunk and let them through, and then it grew back again when they were in the courtyard.

"How'd you do that?" Sirius asked in astonishment. "The only way I've ever got in here is by flying over the top of it."

"Secret," Regulus said, sitting on the bench. Sirius sat down next to him and sighed.

"How are you, Reg?"

"I'm good," Regulus replied, looking anything but good. "I've been better. How are you?"

Sirius smirked. "I'm good, too. I've been much better."

Regulus laughed. "That bad, huh?"

"Yeah," Sirius said. "Probably not as bad as you though. I mean, at least I'm not a Death Eater."

"_Shh_," Regulus said, looking around in alarm.

"Oh come on," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "There's nobody here anyway."

"Still," Regulus whispered. "Someone could have heard."

"Well nobody did, so you're fine," Sirius said. Before he knew what was happening, Regulus was resting his head on Sirius' shoulder and holding his hand.

"Uh... Reg?"

"Mmhm?" Regulus mumbled.

"I have a boyfriend," Sirius said leaning away from Regulus. "You _know_ that."

"Don't you miss me?" Regulus asked, staring up at Sirius. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," Sirius whispered. "Why don't we just be friends?"

"Sirius, we are never going to be friends."

"We used to be," Sirius said. "When we were younger."

"Well, that's different," Regulus said. "We didn't know anybody else back then, so we had to be friends."

"Please, Reg. I want to be your friend," Sirius said.

"I want to be more than friends," Regulus said, leaning forwards so that his mouth was right next to Sirius' ear. "Much more," he whispered.

"Stop it," Sirius said, coughing and leaning further away from him.

"Stop _what_?" Regulus asked, smirking. "Turning you on?"

"You're not turning me on," Sirius protested. Regulus smiled and raised his eyebrows.

"I'm not?" he asked. "Well that bulge in your trousers tells me otherwise."

Sirius stood up quickly and pulled his robes over himself. "How do I get out of here?"

"Come on, don't deny it. I know you want me."

"Shut up," Sirius said, trying his hardest to get through the shrubbery, but failing miserably. "Let me out of here."

"Not yet."

"Seriously, Regulus. I'll tell everyone you're a Death Eater," Sirius warned.

"How are you going to do that if you're stuck in here?" Regulus asked, coming to stand next to him, and taking his hand. "Besides, if you tell anyone, I'll tell everybody that you're an unregistered animagus. That'll get you in just as much trouble."

Sirius sighed and pulled his hand away. "Please stop it. I have a boyfriend, and I love him so much. I won't cheat on him. Not again."

"Fine," Regulus said, leaning back against the shrubbery. "I'll let you out."

"Thank you."

"_If_ you kiss me," Regulus said.

Sirius' mouth fell open.

**###**


	18. Boyfriend-Stealing Gits

**Sorry for the cliffie last chapter. Thought it would annoy you all XD Thank you for the reviews as always.**

**I changed my mind last minute with this chapter. I had something completely different happen, but I'm glad with how it turned out. I hope you like it :D  
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**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Boyfriend-Stealing Gits_**

Sirius stared at Regulus in disbelief. "You're not letting me go unless I kiss you?" he asked. Regulus smiled and shook his head.

"I'm afraid not."

"I'm not going to kiss you," Sirius said stubbornly, although his stomach seemed to do flips at the thought of it. He stared at Regulus who looked annoyed.

"Please?" he asked softly. "I'd do anything for you to kiss me again."

"This isn't the way," Sirius said angrily. "Keeping me prisoner and practically _forcing _me to kiss you."

"I'm sorry, but you weren't going to do it any other way," Regulus said.

"So you want me to cheat on my boyfriend? I didn't think you'd do that, Reg. Not after I cheated on you and you know how it feels to be cheated on," Sirius said.

"He deserves it," muttered Regulus.

"Why's that?" Sirius asked.

"Well for coming up to me and attacking me for no reason," Regulus said bitterly. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"You know that wasn't his fault," Sirius said.

"Kiss me," Regulus said, obviously not caring. "I dare you."

"No."

Regulus stepped forward and pushed Sirius up against the stone wall of the castle. "Kiss me," he whispered into Sirius' ear.

"Oh Merlin," Sirius whispered. "Stop it."

"Make me," Regulus said, staring up at Sirius through his dark eyelashes.

Sirius had to fight every impulse in his body to stop himself from kissing Regulus. Everything about the whole situation was turning him on, and he was both excited and disgusted by himself. He couldn't do it. Not again.

He closed his eyes and used all of his willpower to push Regulus away from him. "No."

"You know you want to," Regulus said, smirking at him.

"Why are you being so... flirty all of a sudden?" Sirius asked.

"Because I want you so badly," Regulus replied.

Sirius sighed. "I want you, too," he said. "But I can't. I'm sorry."

Regulus grinned. "I knew you wanted me too."

Sirius felt something burning in his chest as he felt Regulus run a hand up his arm and push him back up against the wall. It was like he was paralysed with lust. He just stared into Regulus' eyes and swallowed as he remembered everything. Their first kiss, the Room of Requirement, the pool.

Regulus' hand was now on Sirius' chest, and Sirius was sure that Regulus could feel his heart beating fast.

And then he thought of Remus, and all of the pain he had put Remus through the last time. He thought of how perfect it had been on holiday with him, and how amazing it felt to kiss him. He thought of the fact that they were engaged...

"I love you," Sirius choked. "But please let me go. I need to find my boyfriend."

Regulus sighed and stepped back. "Will you ever break up with him?"

"Never," Sirius said, relaxing slightly. "I'm sorry."

He watched as Regulus blinked a tear out of his eyes and felt his heart clench painfully in his chest. Without thinking, he pulled Regulus towards him and held him close, running a hand through his windswept hair.

"Can't you give me one more chance?" Regulus mumbled. "I love you so much and I screwed everything up. If you gave me once more chance I'd show you I've changed. I'm braver now. I can be a good boyfriend. I'd do anything for you, Sirius. _Please_."

Sirius hated himself so much. He felt so tempted by Regulus' words. The truth was that he was definitely not over him. Was it possible to be madly in love with two people at the same time?

"I would give you another chance if I was single, Reg. I really would," Sirius said. "I love you more than you could imagine, but I love Remus too. I can't hurt him."

"Do you love him more than me?" Regulus asked, leaning back and looking into Sirius' eyes.

"No," Sirius said. "I love you both the same."

"Sirius, you're all I ever think about," Regulus said quietly, not taking his eyes off him. "Being your boyfriend was the happiest time of my life."

"I went to a hotel," Sirius said. "There was this room where it lets you relive your happiest memory, and it took me back to the Room of Requirement with you."

Regulus smiled. "Really?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, smiling back. "I'd love to be with you again. I wish I could, but I know I'd be tempted to go back to Remus if I was with you."

"Maybe... you could, you know, be with... both of us."

"At the same time?" Sirius asked in alarm. Regulus laughed.

"No! God, no!" he said quickly. "I mean you don't tell him you're with me."

"That's cheating," Sirius said. "I'm sorry Reg. I've made myself clear. I'm not cheating on him. Now can you please let me go?"

Sirius knew from the look that Regulus was giving him meant that he'd finally given up trying to get Sirius to kiss him. He stepped back and pointed his wand at the shrubbery, muttering a spell under his breath.

"Sorry for... you know... not letting you leave," Regulus said.

Sirius grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "It's okay. I'm sorry too. For everything."

Regulus gave him a sad smile and dropped his gaze. "You'd better get back to your boyfriend."

"See you around," Sirius said, letting go of his hand and heading back down to the main school.

**###**

The whole way back to the common room, he replayed the previous conversation in his mind. The fact that he almost cheated on Remus _again_ scared him. Didn't he make a promise to himself _and_ Remus that he'd never do it again? Yet, he'd come so close. He was happy, at least, that he had managed to have some self control, although it had been one of the hardest things ever to say no to.

He was dreading getting back to the dormitory. James would be mad at him for his performance at Quidditch practice, and Remus was already mad at him.

Sighing heavily, Sirius opened the door to the dormitory and was faced with a very angry-looking James.

"Where have you been?" he demanded furiously.

"Geez," Sirius said, backing away a little. "I felt sick. Went to the hospital wing."

"You didn't look sick this morning when you turned up to practice _half an hour late_."

"Well I'm sorry, James, but you know... you _are_ my best mate. Stop giving me such a hard time. I'm going through stuff."

"What stuff?" James asked suspiciously.

"_Stuff_!"

"Like?"

Sirius ignored his questions. "Where's Remus? I need to speak to him."

"Library, I think. Did you do something to upset him? He's been in a crappy mood today."

"He's not the only one," Sirius said, grimacing at James. "What's your problem anyway?"

"My problem is that you turned up late to practice without a decent excuse. You give me 'I'm going through stuff' but you won't tell me what that 'stuff' is. Like you said, I'm your best mate. Why can't you tell me?"

Sirius sighed. "Fine. It's not important anyway. I'm going to sort it out now, but I just said something to Remus yesterday that I really didn't mean."

"What did you say?"

"That... he'd never get a job because he's a werewolf, and that grades would make no difference."

"You _said_ that?" James asked, eyes wide.

"I didn't mean for it to come out," Sirius said. "But he said some pretty mean things to me too, so it slipped out. It's not like it's not true."

"Still," James said. "That's harsh."

"I know," Sirius mumbled. "Look, I'm going to speak to him now. I'll let you know how it goes."

"Okay," James said. "Good luck."

**###**

Sirius wasn't sure what he was going to say to Remus. He really hoped that Remus would be kind enough to forgive him. The more he thought about it, the more he regretted saying it – even if Remus had said some awful things as well.

He reached the library and was given a suspicious look by Madame Pince, as if to say 'it's the weekend. What are _you_ doing in here?'.

He gave her a half-hearted wink and strolled into the room. He scanned the library and his heart felt as if it had dropped down to his feet when he saw Remus sitting with his ex-boyfriend, Will Parker.

Angrily, Sirius marched up to the table. "Remus," he said, nostrils flaring. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Remus asked.

"It looks like you're with your ex," Sirius replied, glaring at Will.

"Sirius, it's not-"

"-Shut up," Sirius said. "Stay away from my boyfriend," he warned Will, who looked slightly scared of Sirius.

"We were only studying," he said quietly.

"Yeah right," Sirius said. "Of course you were."

"Would you shut up, Sirius?" Remus said angrily. "You can't dictate who I hang around with. Don't you trust me enough to know that I wouldn't cheat on you?"

Sirius huffed and shrugged. "I can always be replaced," he quoted accusatory. "That's what you said yesterday."

"Yeah right before you said that I would never get a job because I'm-" Remus cast a glance at Will, who was looking uncomfortable. "- Well, you don't need reminding. You know what you said."

"I came here to apologise," Sirius said. "But I find you here in the library with your ex-boyfriend."

"_Studying_!" Remus hissed.

"Well, why can't you study with _me_?" Sirius asked in annoyance. "Why _him_?"

"I think I'm just going to leave you guys to talk this out," Will said, grabbing his books and making a quick escape. Sirius stared after him in disgust and then turned his attention back to Remus.

"He's my friend," Remus said.

"_I'm_ your friend," Sirius replied.

"Seriously? You want to know why I was studying with him and not you?"

Sirius nodded.

"Well, let's think. Every time I ask you to study with me, you complain. I know from yesterday, you don't like me studying, and I'm also pretty pissed off with you, actually."

"But why _him_?" Sirius asked in frustration. "Why couldn't you study with anyone but him?"

"He was already in here, so I asked if I could join him. We always study together. If you weren't so busy being a prat all the time, maybe you might have noticed that."

"Oh, _I'm_ the prat?" Sirius asked.

"Well yes, you are. I don't know why you're so suspicious of _me_ cheating on you. It should be me who's suspicious after what you've done to me in the past."

"The past is the past, Remus," Sirius said. "You've already forgiven me. Let's not talk about that, we're talking about you and your idiot ex-boyfriend here."

"The past is the past, Sirius," Remus repeated. "He's my _ex_. What do you have against him anyway? He's been nothing but nice to you. Maybe if you got to know him, you'd actually like him."

"Yeah right. Posh twerp."

"_Sirius_!" Remus said, looking at him angrily. "Leave it. I don't want to talk to you right now. You're really getting on my nerves."

He grabbed his books and pushed past Sirius with more force than necessary, making him fall back against a bookcase, knocking a couple of books off the shelf.

"Pick those up immediately and get out of here," Madame Pince said sternly from the front desk. Sirius sighed and picked up the books.

"Sorry," he muttered to her as he left the library.

**###**

"Bloody posh idiot twat," Sirius muttered as he trudged through the corridors. "Boyfriend-stealing git. He's not even that good looking. Tosser."

"Who are you talking to?"

Sirius swerved round to face Regulus, who had appeared behind him. "I'm talking to myself."

"So you're calling yourself a boyfriend-stealing git who isn't even that good looking?" Regulus questioned.

"I'm very good looking," Sirius said matter-of-factly. "And fine. I was talking about that bloody Will Parker arsehole in Ravenclaw."

"Oh... I know the one you mean," Regulus said. "Yeah, he is quite good looking actually."

Sirius glared at him. "Are you _trying_ to piss me off?"

"No," Regulus said. "I was just telling the truth. He's hot. Why's he a boyfriend-stealing git?"

"Forget it."

"No."

Sirius let out a frustrated sigh and started walking off in the other direction. Regulus hastily ran to catch up with him. "Sirius, wait."

"What do you want?" Sirius asked, stopping and facing Regulus.

"Talk to me. Are you okay?"

"No, not really," Sirius said, feeling his voice breaking. "But what does it matter?"

"Come with me," Regulus said. Sirius nodded and followed his brother up a flight of stairs and through a tapestry to the familiar wall where the Room of Requirement appeared.

"What are we doing here?" he asked.

"Somewhere to talk, in private," Regulus said.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Sirius said, but the door had already appeared and Regulus was leading him inside.

It was a simple room. There was a fireplace and a rug and a huge sofa in the middle of the room. Nothing suggestive, like Sirius had first anticipated. It was just a nice cosy room that reminded Sirius very much of the Gryffindor common room, except the furniture wasn't red and gold.

They sat down on the sofa, and Regulus looked at him expectantly. "So?"

"So, what?" Sirius asked.

"Tell me what's going on. Why are you upset?"

"Remus and his fucking perfect ex-boyfriend have been hanging out. I said something awful and Remus hates me. I miss you. James is a prat about Quidditch practice. I don't know, things seem to be piling up and I feel like I'm going to explode!"

"What did you say to make him hate you?"

"I can't tell you," Sirius said.

"Why not?"

"Because it's to do with a... secret of his. I can't tell you. Sorry."

"Is there any way for you to take it back?" Regulus asked. "I mean, he loves you, right? I'm sure he'll forgive you."

"Are you actually _trying_ to get me and Remus to make up with each other?" Sirius asked, feeling confused.

"Well, you know what I want," Regulus said, looking down at his hands. "But if he makes you happy, then... I don't know. I guess I want you to be happy."

"I miss you, Reg," Sirius said.

"I miss you, too."

They stared at each other for a moment. It felt like the old times, when they were still together and so in love. It made Sirius' chest hurt at the thought of what he had lost. It was _this_. Stolen moments in the Room of Requirement with the person he loved.

"Will you kiss me?" he whispered, not taking his eyes off of Regulus. His heart was hammering in his chest as he watched Regulus' expression change from sad to a mixture of shocked and happy.

"Did you just ask me that, or am I dreaming?" Regulus asked, looking nervous.

Sirius laughed. "You're not dreaming, Reg. I mean it."

Regulus took a deep breath and leaned over, closing the gap between them. Sirius threw his arms around Regulus' neck and pulled him down on top of him. It felt so good to be kissing him again. He'd forgotten what it was like. The taste of his lips, the feel of his fingers running through Sirius' hair. It was like heaven.

"I... love... you," Sirius whispered in between kisses, and Regulus pulled back and smiled at him.

"I love you, too."

They kissed again, and Sirius didn't want it to stop. He wished that he could just stay in this room forever and forget about all of his problems. Unfortunately, it was Regulus who pulled away.

"I've made your problems much worse now, haven't I?" he said quietly. Sirius sat up quickly and took his hand.

"No," he said softly. "I asked you to kiss me. It's not your fault."

"I asked you to kiss me earlier," Regulus pointed out.

"Who cares? I forgot how good a kisser you are," Sirius said, grinning. "We should make this a regular thing."

"Make what a regular thing?" asked Regulus, a smile playing on his lips.

"This," Sirius said, catching Regulus' lips in a tender kiss that lasted only a few seconds.

"You have a boyfriend," Regulus said.

"That hasn't stopped us before," Sirius whispered. He knew what he was saying was bad, but he couldn't help it. He felt like he was drunk. All he could think about was Regulus, and he wasn't complaining. It was a good feeling. A very good feeling.

"Every Tuesday night then? In here. 7 pm. Tell your friends you've been given detention or something," Regulus said.

"Sounds like you've been planning this for quite some time," Sirius teased.

"Oh, I have," Regulus said with a grin. "Now, where were we?"

Sirius felt himself being pressed back against the arm of the sofa and then he was enveloped in another kiss that made his heart seem to jump out of his chest.

He didn't want this to end. He didn't want to go back and face reality.

This was a perfect escape from his troubles, but he knew he was going to hate himself in the morning.

**###**


	19. Prejudice

**Sorry for the wait. I'm quite busy at the moment. I've been hurrying to try and get my univeristy application off, and I'm preparing for exams next month... eek. But this story will always be my priority, so don't even think I've abandoned it or anything :)**

**Thanks again for my reviewers. I love you guys! XD  
**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Prejudice_  
**

Sirius ran straight down to the Great Hall the next morning without even bothering to have a shower or brush his teeth. He knew his friends would be wondering where he'd spent the night, and he also knew that he could _never _tell them the truth. When he reached the Great Hall, he spotted James, Peter and Remus sitting towards the end of the Gryffindor table chatting away. Sirius sighed and made his way over to them.

They all glanced up at him, James looking questioning, Remus looking annoyed and Peter looking plain terrified. Sirius couldn't fathom why.

"Hi," he said meekly, dropping down into the seat beside Peter.

"Where have you been all night?" James asked, as Sirius began eating. He glanced at Remus, who also looked interested to know.

"I... sort of had an argument with Remus last night and, well... I didn't want to go back to the room. I slept in the Shrieking Shack. I didn't mean to... I just wanted to stay there for a while to think, but I ended up falling asleep."

"You slept in the Shrieking Shack?" Remus replied, looking disgusted. "Why would you do that? It smells of blood and it's gross. Please don't sleep in there again... I don't want you sleeping in that place."

Sirius nodded as James stood up. "Come on, we have to get to lessons."

They all slowly followed suit, shuffling out of the Great Hall towards their first lesson of the day. Sirius grabbed Remus' arm.

"Remus, can we talk? Baby, look at me. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Look, I didn't mean what I said the other day," Sirius said.

"Yes you did," Remus said, looking at the floor. "You did mean it, and it's true. I've been trying not to think about it. Grades won't get me a job in the wizarding world, and I can't get a job in the muggle world either because I don't have any muggle qualifications. What was the point in even letting me have an education in the first place?"

"You'll get a job," Sirius said, touching his cheek. "I'll make sure you get a job."

"That's really sweet, Sirius, but there's no way."

"What do you want to be when you're older?" Sirius asked.

"I think I'd like to be a teacher," Remus said quietly. "Don't laugh."

"I'm not laughing... okay, maybe a little bit. You'd make one hot teacher. But seriously, Moony. You could be a teacher if Dumbledore was still headmaster when you applied."

"Do you think so?"

"I _know_ so," Sirius said, pulling him close. "It's okay, babe. I promise you, you'll get a job. I'm so sorry about what I said. I really don't know what I was thinking."

"I didn't mean what I said either," Remus said softly. "I love you more than anything. You're my boyfriend. You are my priority."

"So does that mean you want to spend more time with me today?" Sirius asked hopefully. Remus smiled and nodded.

"I'm all yours. What do you want to do?"

"I want to kiss you," Sirius said.

"Kiss me, then."

He didn't need asking twice. He pressed their lips together softly, not caring that anybody could walk past right now and see them.

**##**

Sirius felt like he hadn't been happier in a long time. He had both of the people he loved, and everything was perfect. His grades were good, and his Quidditch performances were improving now that he wasn't so stressed anymore.

As much as he hated to admit it, he spent most of his week counting off the days till Tuesday nights where he would sneak off to the Room of Requirement to be with Regulus. His friends had bought the story that he had been given a detention on Tuesdays, which meant that he could spend hours and hours in the room without any questions from his friends.

"It's nearly the summer holidays," Regulus mumbled into Sirius' chest one night as they lay on the bed.

"Mmhmm," Sirius replied, stroking Regulus' hair.

"I won't see you."

"I know," Sirius sighed. "You mustn't write to me over the summer either. If someone finds out about us, I'm dead."

Regulus sighed. "So I'll have to spend the whole summer without seeing you or speaking to you..."

"It's not impossible. You used to do it every summer before we got together."

"That's because I was an idiot back then," Regulus said. "I didn't realised I loved you."

Sirius sat up. "Reg, do you think this is wrong? What we do..."

"Well obviously it's wrong," Regulus said, tracing circles onto the back of Sirius' hand softly. "But it still feels right."

"Sometimes I think to myself 'this is disgusting. He's my brother'," Sirius said. "But it's like I know that it _should_ be disgusting, but I don't feel that way. I just... I love you. Why can people not just accept that you can't help who you fall for? Regardless of blood."

"I wish it was that way," Regulus said quietly. "But somehow I don't think that will ever happen."

Sirius moved his hand to touch Regulus' cheek. "I'll send letters to you over the holidays, as long as you don't reply."

Regulus smiled. "You will?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, enjoying the way Regulus' face had instantly lit up. "I'll warn you though, they'll probably be soppy. You know how I get when I miss you. I'm like a puddle of goo."

"I love it," Regulus said, holding onto him tightly. "You're my puddle of goo and I love it so much."

"I really will miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

Sirius pressed a kiss to the top of his head and smiled. "But we'll have the whole of next year to do this."

"Hmm... can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Are we going to just carry on like this until your boyfriend finds out?" Regulus asked.

"He won't find out," Sirius said quickly, thinking of the consequences of Remus finding out and getting his heart broken all over again.

"He'll find out eventually," Regulus whispered. "You know it, and so do I. Look what happened last time."

"That's different. We have a perfectly good cover story this time round, and it's not like he's going to walk in on us again because we don't even show up on the map here."

"Map?"

"Nothing," Sirius said quickly. "Oh, and Reg?"

"Yes?"

"I won't be able to be with you next week," Sirius said. Regulus' face fell.

"Why not?" he asked, looking crestfallen.

"Full Moon," Sirius said, without thinking.

Regulus looked confused and raised his eyebrows. "So what?"

"Don't worry," Sirius replied, wishing he'd never let it slip out. He hadn't meant to say it at all.

"You have to tell me," Regulus said. "Full Moon..."

"Forget it," Sirius said, watching as Regulus thought about it.

"Oh Merlin," he said, backing away. "You're... y-you're a... a werewolf."

"NO!" Sirius said, grabbing Regulus' wrists. "Not _me_. Do I look like a werewolf to you?"

"Then why... not _you_... wait... do you _know_ a werewolf?" Regulus asked, looking horrified.

_Fuck_, Sirius thought. _Shouldn't have said anything_. He quickly grabbed for his wand and pointed it at Regulus' face. "I'm so sorry, Reg. _Obliviate_."

Regulus blinked. "Yeah, Sirius. You have to really mean it to get that spell to work. Which means... if you tried to obliviate me, then I must be right! You know a werewolf! Who is it?"

"It's not my secret to tell," Sirius said, feeling his heart rate pick up in fear. He knew his brother was clever. He knew he'd figure it out.

"It's one of your friends," Regulus said matter-of-factly. "Why else would you need the night away from me while it was the Full Moon, if you aren't a werewolf? You obviously care about them."

_Why the hell is he so clever?_

"So what if I have a friend who's a werewolf. There's nothing wrong with werewolves."

"I didn't say there was," Regulus said.

"Well the look on your face gives the impression that you think that way," Sirius said, feeling annoyed. "You mustn't tell _anyone_ about my... friend. If you do, he'll be in big trouble, and so will Dumbledore. You know werewolves aren't allowed an education, and if the Ministry finds out, there will be horrible repercussions. _Please_ don't tell anybody."

"Well," Regulus seemed to be fighting with himself. "It's not right."

"What?"

"He doesn't deserve an education. He's a killer. He should be locked up... or executed or something."

"How can you say that?" Sirius asked. "He wouldn't hurt a fly! You don't even know him. How can you say that a person deserves to be locked up when you don't know _anything_ about them? He's the most gentle person I know!"

"He's not a person. He's an animal. God, Sirius! You really are corrupted! Mum and Dad taught us about werewolves when we were younger. Don't you remember _any_ of it? They will try to befriend you – which I can see he has achieved – and then they will turn you into one when you trust them enough. Don't be so stupid!"

"Why the hell would I listen to Mum and Dad when all they ever tried to teach me was utter crap about blood purity and prejudiced lies? Remus would _never_ hurt me!"

Regulus looked shocked. "Are you actually serious?" he asked, laughing. "Please tell me this is a joke. You're in love with a _werewolf_?"

"I'm in love with an amazing person who just so happens to be a werewolf. Like I said, he wouldn't hurt a fly. He's the nicest person in the world, and you're just being a typical pureblood prat. I can't believe how prejudiced you are."

"Wouldn't hurt a fly," Regulus repeated. "May I remind you of that day he stormed down to the dungeons aiming spells at me left, right and centre?"

"Because he thought you had hurt me," Sirius said. "He wouldn't hurt anybody when he's transformed. He's kept somewhere safe, so he's not dangerous at all."

"He's still a werewolf."

"Who cares?" Sirius said, feeling exhausted.

"_I_ care! What if he attacks you?"

"Have you not been listening to me?" Sirius said. "He won't hurt anybody. Jeez, get it into your head. He's harmless."

Regulus looked discomforted by Sirius' words, but nodded. "Fine," he muttered. "I won't tell anybody, but I still can't believe you're that disgusting. I mean, dating a werewolf..."

"I'm also cheating on him with my brother. As if that isn't wrong."

"Point taken," Regulus said. "But why do you need to be there? I mean, wouldn't that be the perfect time for us to hook up?"

"You know I'm an animagus, right?"

Regulus nodded, looking confused.

"Werewolves are calmer when they're around other animals. Remus was... he was in a bad state. He ended up ripping himself to shreds every Full Moon, and we – James, Peter and I – couldn't stand it. So we... that's why we became animagi."

"You're one messed up group of friends," Regulus said. "Putting yourself in danger like that."

"It's what friends do," Sirius said in frustration. "I wouldn't expect you to know."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I don't exactly see you hanging out with 'friends' during the day. Just merely following your Death Eater colleagues – or whatever you'd like to call them – around. Must be a fun life."

"Why are you being like this?" Regulus asked, looking hurt.

"Like what? Telling the truth? You _don't _have any friends. I'm just stating the obvious."

"Being mean," Regulus said, looking down with the expression of somebody who was trying desperately not to cry. Sirius felt a wave a pity wash over him, and then he instantly felt guilty about what he had said.

"I'm sorry," he said, taking Regulus' hand. "I'm really sorry. I love you. Look at me."

Regulus looked up at him with wet eyes.

"I love you so much," Sirius continued. "Come here."

Sirius pulled him closer and kissed his temple. "What do you say we spend the night here and make up some excuse in the morning?"

Regulus hastily nodded and wiped his eyes. "Yeah. I'd like that."

"Hmm," Sirius said, pulling back and smirking at Regulus. "How about we have some fun tonight?"

"Fun?" Regulus said, raising his eyebrows.

"I think you know what I mean," Sirius replied, leaning across towards Regulus.

"Do I?"

"Oh yeah," Sirius whispered in his ear seductively. His hand moved down to pull up Regulus' shirt slowly. "I want you so badly right now."

Regulus emitted a low moan and pressed his lips to Sirius'. "Go on, then," he said hungrily. "You can have me."

Sirius smirked as he thought of what lay ahead tonight.

**###**


	20. Summer Holidays

**Reviewers, I love you as always. Here's the next chapter;**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Summer Holidays_  
**

"Peter, are you sure you don't mind me staying with you?" Remus asked nervously for the tenth time as they sat in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express.

Peter raised his eyebrows. "If you ask me again, I might just say no to shut you up."

Remus nodded quickly and then smiled. "Thank you," he said.

"You're both coming over to James' house though, over the summer, aren't you?" Sirius asked them excitedly.

"My mum said they can stay for a week," James said. "I'm inviting Lily over the same week though."

"So you'll be with your girlfriend, and Sirius and Remus will have each other," Peter said, looking annoyed. "Great."

"Hey," Sirius said. "We'll include you, too."

"Yeah, you'd better," Peter warned.

"Why don't you just get yourself a girlfriend, Wormtail?" James asked. "It would make you feel much better. You've been all weird and depressed since you broke up with Mary back in February."

Peter went pale and coughed. "I just... need some time."

"You've had months!" Sirius said.

"Leave him alone," Remus said quickly. "If he needs time, let him have time. Who says that a few months is enough to get over someone?"

Sirius shared a look with Remus that told him he was remembering how long it took when they were together before. The thought of it made Sirius feel a hundred times worse because of what he was doing behind Remus' back.

As the train neared London, Remus stood up and gestured for Sirius to follow him.

"Where are we going?" Sirius asked when they left their compartment. Remus pulled him towards the bathroom, and Sirius couldn't help the feeling of déjà vu that was coming over him. It was the very same bathroom he'd been in with Regulus when Narcissa had caught them, and that thought was enough to make him feel nervous.

Remus pulled him in and locked the door. "I just wanted to be with you."

"You were already with me," Sirius said with a smile.

"I wanted to be with you alone, then," Remus replied, leaning up and kissing Sirius on the lips. "I'm going to miss you, Sirius."

"I'll miss you too," Sirius sighed. "But we'll write to each other, and James said you and Pete are coming over anyway."

"I'm nervous," Remus said quietly. "About staying with Pete..."

"Why?"

"I haven't ever spoken to his parents! What if they don't like me and they're stuck with me for the whole holidays?"

"They will love you, Remus!" Sirius said, grabbing his hand. "Look at me. You're amazing. They'll love you, I promise."

Remus didn't look convinced. "What about the Full Moon, then?"

"I thought Peter spoke to you about that," Sirius said.

"Well, yeah. They have somewhere for me to go but-"

"-Then there's no problem, is there? I know you're nervous but once you get there, you'll be fine," Sirius said. "How do you think I felt when I went to live with James?"

Remus glanced at him and then sighed. "You're right, I'm sorry. I completely forgot you've been in the same situation."

Sirius decided not to add that his situation was slightly worse.

"Right," Sirius said, kissing Remus' hand lightly. "Just make sure you write to me."

"I promise I will," Remus said. "Come on, I think the train's stopped."

Sirius opened the door and they filed out amongst all of the other students. It was difficult to move with people all around him, but he managed. When he finally got off the train, he scanned the station for Regulus, and saw him almost immediately standing a few metres away from where he was standing.

Regulus noticed him looking and gave him a small smile. Sirius smiled back before he was clapped on the back by James and shoved in the other direction.

"You ready to go?" James asked him.

"Sure," Sirius said, looking for Remus. When he spotted him, he ran towards him and almost threw himself at him.

"Ouch," Remus mumbled with a smile.

"Bye, Rem," Sirius said. "I love you."

"I love you too," Remus said. "See you in a few weeks."

They pulled apart and Sirius quickly planted a kiss on Remus' forehead before walking back towards James.

"Said goodbye to Lily?" Sirius asked him.

"Of course," James said, staring off towards a certain red-headed girl who was standing with her parents.

Sirius punched him in the arm. "Come on then," he said. "Your mum's waiting."

James tore his eyes away from Lily and followed Sirius towards his mum, who was smiling at them.

"Hello, boys!"

"Hi, Mrs Potter," Sirius said, as she pulled James in for a hug. He tried not to snigger as James' face went very red. It was James' turn to snigger, when she let go of James and pulled Sirius in for an equally soppy hug.

"Come on, then. We have dinner ready at home."

James stepped towards one of the fireplaces and took a handful of flu powder. "_Potter Residence, London_."

He was engulfed in the flames and then it was Sirius' turn. He picked up a handful of the green powder and grimaced at Mrs Potter.

"_Potter Residence, London_."

**##**

'_Regulus,_

_Remember you're not allowed to reply to this letter – it's just to let you know that I'm thinking about you and that I miss you so so much. _

_I can't stop thinking about you. It's even worse than last summer. It's like every Tuesday night I keep thinking I'm going to see you but then I realise that I can't see you and I get in this weird mood. James has noticed, and that's not a good thing._

_I saw my boyfriend this week and it was amazing. Sometimes I just don't know what to do, Reg. I love you both so much. I tell him he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, but then I tell you the same thing, but the truth is that I just can't decide. You're both so perfect, and amazing, and it's so frustrating._

_Anyways, there's only a week left now until we get back to school. I think the safest time for us to meet will be on the day we come back. James has been made Head Boy ha! So he'll have some Head Boy meeting, and Remus has prefect duties on the first day back, so we can get away with it. I'll meet you at 6pm in The Room?_

_I wish I could ask you how your holidays are going but I know you can't reply. They're probably the usual though, right? Mum and Dad being all proud of you because you became a... you-know-what. I still can't believe you're one... _

_Anyway, I hope you've been thinking of me. Every night now I go to sleep thinking about kissing you. I miss your kisses so much... I just want you so much right now. Ugh._

_Okay, so James is coming upstairs now so I'll have to wrap this letter up. You probably won't hear from me until we go back to school so just know that I'm thinking of you, and I'm missing you, and I love you so much._

_Lots of love from Sirius. _

_Xxxx'_

Sirius quickly handed the letter to his owl and shooed it out of the window just as James entered the room.

"Sending love letters, are we?" James asked, raising his eyebrows and smirking.

"What? No!" Sirius said quickly, feeling his heart rate pick up considerably.

"Then who was the letter to?"

"Oh," Sirius said, feeling stupid. Of course James thought the letter was to Remus. Why had he instantly assumed that James was suspicious?

_Because that's what guilty people do,_ Sirius reminded himself bitterly.

"It was to Pete," he said.

"Sending love letters to Pete? That's low, Sirius. What would Remus think?" James said, dodging out of the way when Sirius threw a pair of socks at him.

"Remus would think you're an evil bastard for even suggesting I was sending love letters to... _Wormtail_ of all people! That's disgusting."

"Just admit it," James said. "I know you find that chubbiness sexy – _SIRIUS_!"

"You have a sick mind," Sirius said, glaring at his friend.

James sniggered. "Mum says dinner's ready, by the way. We should probably go downstairs."

**##**

"I want to see Remus," Sirius groaned.

"Yup."

"I want to see him right now, James."

"Yeah, I've gathered that."

"I _need_ to see him now."

"You don't need to see him," James said, and Sirius could tell he was rolling his eyes, even though they were both lying in the dark of James' bedroom.

"Trust me, I do," Sirius replied.

"Why do you need to see him?"

"I'm horny. I need him to... er, sort it out."

"OH SIRIUS!" James spluttered from his bed. "That's disgusting. Why'd you tell me that? I'm going to have nightmares now..."

Sirius grinned. "Good."

"It's not good, actually."

"But I'm a seventeen year old boy," Sirius whined. "I can't last a month without sex..."

"Guess what? I'm a seventeen year old boy too, and I'm doing just fine without it."

"That's because you and Lily had sex when she came over the other week," Sirius said. "It was gross. We could hear everything."

"You shouldn't have been listening," James said quickly. "And besides, if you wanted to have sex so badly, why didn't you just do it when Remus was here?"

"Remus was all like '_I don't want to do it in someone elses house. It's not right'_," Sirius said bitterly. "So unfair."

"That's what happens when you date somebody like Remus," James said. "If you wanted sex everywhere and anywhere, you should have chosen someone else."

Sirius sighed. "Yeah, well... I love Remus, so-"

"-While this conversation has been extremely interesting, I'm going to go to sleep now," James said. "G'night."

"Night."

Sirius closed his eyes and thought of the fact that he was going to see them both tomorrow... Remus and Regulus. As much as he was excited, he had a horrible feeling in his stomach.

Trying to ignore it, he let himself drift off into restless sleep.

**###**


	21. Over

**Thanks for my reviews :) I guess I can say we're _kind of_ getting near the end of the story. I think there will be around seven more chapters. That's just an estimate though, I still have a few things that need to happen. **

**So here's the next drama-filled chapter :P  
**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Over_  
**

"Seventh year!" James said excitedly when they entered their dormitory on the first day back.

"NEWTs," Remus said dully. "Ugh, I wish we were still in third year or something. You know, when we didn't have to worry about exams?"

"You worried about exams in third year," Peter pointed out.

"Well," Remus huffed. "Not as much as I do now. Come on, James. We have to go."

"Okay," James said, looking slightly nervous. Tonight was his first night as head boy, and he had a meeting with Professor Dumbledore. Remus quickly kissed Sirius on the cheek before leaving for his prefect duties, with James right behind him.

"So," Peter said as the door closed. "I'm turning in. Goodnight."

"Night," Sirius said. As soon as Peter was in bed, he grabbed James' invisibility cloak and headed out of the dormitory. It was just past six, so he was running a bit late. He sprinted up towards the Room of Requirement, and nearly ran straight into Regulus, who was standing waiting for him.

"Jeez Sirius," Regulus said, as Sirius pulled the cloak off. "Trying to give me a heart attack or something?"

Sirius shrugged sheepishly, and the door appeared. They headed inside and almost immediately Sirius was pinning Regulus to the wall and ripping his clothes off.

**##**

Over the next couple of days, the horrible feeling that Sirius had felt on the night before returning to Hogwarts had come back. It was like dread – dread that Remus would find out he was cheating, dread that Remus would hate him, dread that he would break Remus' heart again.

He thought back to Valentine's Day when he had asked Remus to marry him. He thought of how perfect everything had been, and how messed up things were now. He thought of their holiday, and he felt sick at the thought that he was cheating on Remus.

He hated himself. Weren't relationships supposed to be about trust? Remus was good enough to trust him after everything, and now he was betraying him again. _What an awful way to begin a marriage_, Sirius thought.

It was like the realisation of what he was doing had finally struck him, and he wished more than anything that he could turn back time and stop himself from cheating. He wanted more than anything to be honest and truthful with Remus, but he couldn't do that while he was betraying him.

After thinking it through over and over again, he knew what he had to do.

**##**

"Hey Sirius," Regulus said softly when Sirius entered the room. "You wanted to talk?"

"Yeah I did," Sirius said quietly, sitting down next to him. "I, er, we can't do this anymore."

Regulus just stared at him as if he hadn't said anything. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean we can't do this," Sirius said, trying hard not to let his voice crack. "It's a mistake. I shouldn't have done it."

"It's not a mistake!" Regulus said quickly, grabbing his hand. "Please, Sirius. Please listen. I love you so much, _please_ don't leave me. You can't do this to me!"

Sirius blinked a tear out of his eyes and pulled his hand away. "I have to do this, Reg. I'm so sorry."

"Why?" Regulus said desperately. "Is it... is it because I'm a Death Eater?"

"No," Sirius said. "It's because it's wrong. I'm cheating on my boyfriend _again_, and I feel terrible about it."

"You wouldn't have to cheat on him if you just dumped him and chose me instead!" Regulus said.

"I don't want to dump him!" Sirius replied angrily. "I love him!"

"You love me, too."

"I know," Sirius whispered. "That's why this is so hard for me, and I want more than anything for there to be some way I can be with you both but there's no way. I can't be with both of you without hating myself."

"Why are you choosing _him_ then?" Regulus asked.

"He's the one," Sirius replied. "I'm sorry, but it's him. I close my eyes and think about the future, and I picture myself with him."

"You can't do this to me, Sirius!"

Sirius tore his eyes away from Regulus and stared at the wall. "I am doing this. It's the right thing to do. I've spent the majority of the past two years hating myself, and I want to do what's right."

"So it's right to break my heart, is it? Really?" Regulus asked, his voice breaking.

"Listen, we had our chance, and _you_ screwed up. If you hadn't screwed up, we'd still be together, but as it is, you married somebody else and tossed me aside. The only reason I started doing this with you again is because I wasn't completely over you, but this time, I _will_ get over you."

Sirius stood to get up, but Regulus grabbed his hand.

"Please don't!" he sobbed. "_Please_ Sirius. I'll do anything!"

"No, Reg."

"What do you want me to do? I promise I'll do it, just as long as I can be with you. Please!"

"Regulus, it's over, okay?" Sirius said quietly, trying to stay calm. "Just try to move on. Get yourself a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, or whatever. Get over me. It's for the best."

"I won't do that, I _can't_ do that," Regulus said.

"That's your own problem then," Sirius said. "I'm just trying to do what I believe is right, and I'm sorry."

Regulus let out a sigh and nodded. "Fine," he said, storming towards the door. "If you want to choose a fucking _werewolf_ over me, then that's completely fine!"

"What the-"

"-NO, I'm not finished!" Regulus shouted. "I've had enough of this! I'm leaving this place and I'm not coming back! But one thing, Sirius. You'll pay for this, I swear. You'll be sorry you ever let me go, because I'll make your life hell!"

He opened the door and ran out, slamming it shut behind him. Sirius stood, wide-eyed at where he had just been standing. The horrible feeling from earlier had returned, and now it was one hundred times worse.

**##**

Sirius could feel a lump in his throat as he thought about what he was about to do. He knew that Remus was going to hate him forever. He knew that he wouldn't even get to keep Remus as even a friend. It was as he had first feared when he and Remus had started going out two years ago – he was going to lose an amazing friendship.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before stepping into the dormitory, where he knew that Remus was alone with help from the Marauder's Map.

He found Remus lying in bed sleeping, and climbed in beside him, inhaling and thinking to himself that it would be the last time he'd be able to do this. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and kissed him on the forehead.

Remus stirred and Sirius held him closer, not wanting Remus to wake up. Unfortunately, he looked down to see Remus' eyes opening, and felt Remus' arms close tightly around him.

"Sirius," he mumbled into Sirius' chest. Sirius lifted his hand and ran it through Remus' hair, kissing the top of his head.

"Hey," he said. Remus stared up at him and smiled.

"You smell nice," he said quietly. Sirius laughed.

"Like a cloud?"

Remus stared at him in confusion. "A cloud? What does a cloud smell like?"

"Nothing," Sirius said. "It's just something you said when you were drunk on holiday."

Remus blushed and bit his lip. "Well if a cloud smells nice, then yes, you smell like a cloud."

"Thank you," Sirius said, laughing and taking hold of Remus' hand. He felt sick at the thought of what he was going to do, but there was no backing out. It had to be done.

"Remus," he said softly. "I need to tell you something."

"Yeah?"

"I... did something... bad," Sirius said, feeling more and more nauseous every second. Remus looked at him with a mixture of worry and confusion.

"What did you do?"

Sirius sighed and gritted his teeth. This was much harder than he'd expected. Looking into Remus' eyes – filled with so much love and worry and care for him. He just couldn't.

"Sirius, what did you do?"

"I did something really really bad," Sirius said, his voice cracking mid-sentence. "You're going to hate me."

He saw Remus let out a breath and bite his lip. "Is this... have you done something that's going to hurt me?" he asked in a quiet voice.

Sirius couldn't find anything to say, so he nodded instead. Remus nodded quickly and looked up at him with sadness in his eyes.

"Do I want to know?"

"Probably not," Sirius said. "But you need to know."

"Are you about to break my heart?" Remus asked, now with tears in his eyes. "Because if you are, I don't... I _can't_ deal with that. Not after last time."

Sirius swallowed. "I cheated on you."

He saw the pain in Remus' eyes and the hurt of betrayal. He felt like reaching out to him and hugging him and telling him he was so sorry and that he didn't mean it, but he knew that there was nothing he could say or do to stop Remus feeling so heartbroken. He hated himself.

"I t-trusted you," Remus whispered. "I can't believe you'd d-do that to me. I just... I d-don't... why? Am I not a good enough boyfriend for you?"

"Oh god no," Sirius said quickly. "No way! You're amazing. I'm the jerk. You're perfect, Rem."

"Then w-why?"

"Because I'm an idiot, and I'm so so sorry," Sirius said. "Please believe me, I'm so sorry."

Remus wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and sighed. "Who?"

"I think you know who," Sirius said.

"For god's sake, Sirius! What was the point in getting back with me and putting me through all of this when you were just going to go back to him anyway? Was this some sick _joke_ of yours?"

"No, Remus. I love you! I swear, baby. I didn't mean to hurt you!"

"You obviously _don't_ love me. You would never do that to s-someone you love. I would _never_ cheat on you."

"I _do_ love you," Sirius said, reaching to hold his hand but Remus slapped his hand away angrily.

"Do you love _him_?"

"I do," Sirius said. "I'm sorry, but I do. I think that's why I did it. I love you both _so much_. That's why I cheated in the first place. I wanted to be with him, and then when I was with him, I wanted to be with you, so I cheated and now I've done it again. I know it sounds terrible, and I hate myself for it, but it's how I feel. I ended it with him, though. I told him to get over me and I'm never going back to him again, I swear."

"You know what?" Remus said. "Fair enough, you cheated on me once. I've forgiven you for that, but to do it again? With the same person? And we've... we've b-been through so much. I've fallen so in love with you, and you ch-ch-cheated on me."

The tears were falling down his cheek and onto the sheets of the bed, and Sirius felt his heart break slowly as he watched his damage to the boy he loved so much.

"Do you hate me?"

"I wish I did," Remus said. "I really wish I did, but I can't. I love you, and that's what makes it so much worse."

"Remus, you have to know I'm so sorry about what I've done to you."

"I don't c-care," Remus said. "I really don't care. I wish somebody would cheat on you and show you how much it hurts. I f-f-feel like you've just ripped my heart in two."

"Baby-"

"-_DON'T_ call me that!" Remus shouted, reaching a shaky hand out to remove his engagement ring from his finger and slamming it down on the bedside table. "I don't want _anything_ to do with you anymore. Stay away from me."

"Remus!" Sirius cried, looking from Remus to the ring. "_Please_. I'm so sorry! I don't want to lose you," Sirius said, grabbing for his hand but missing as Remus pulled his hands out of the way.

"Sh-should have thought of that before cheating on me," Remus said.

"I know you don't want to talk to me... or be near me. I understand that. I know I deserve it, but _please_ know that I am so sorry for what I did."

"I can't trust you."

"At least I _told_ you what happened!"

"Oh, and that makes it all okay then?" Remus asked. "I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this! You're _EVERYTHING_ to me! Do you not remember how long it took me to get over you the last time? And now you're expecting me to go through that pain and heartbreak again, but a hundred times worse? You're evil," he spat.

"Rem-"

"-You're evil and you should have been in Slytherin. You're as bad as the rest of your family! All this time I thought you were different, but you're not! You're as bad as them."

It hurt more than Sirius would have thought. He'd spent his whole life trying to show everybody that he was nothing like the rest of his family, and to have someone that he cared about tell him that he was the same as the rest of them – it hurt. It felt like Remus had slapped him hard in the face.

"I deserved that," he whispered, nodding. "And I'm truly sorry, Remus," he said, blinking away the tears and running out of the room.

He ran and ran, not really taking anything in apart from the fact that he had lost Remus, and this time it was forever. He was suddenly outside, and still running as fast as his legs could carry him. He toppled over as he ran down the hill leading to the lake, and he couldn't even find it in himself to get back up.

The one thing he was glad about was that it was all out. Remus knew, and there were no more lies. He knew he would _never_ get back with Regulus, and that felt good at least.

But he had lost everything. He hadn't expected Remus to act any different to how he acted, but he had still had that lingering feeling of hope that just maybe Remus would forgive him for telling him straight what had happened.

He had no intention of returning to the dormitory tonight. It would only make things worse. He decided that he would do as Remus wished – stay away from him. That way it would give Remus time to heal and maybe, just maybe, forgive him. He knew that was hoping too much. James would hate him, and so would Peter.

He lay there on the grass staring up at the night sky trying not to break down and cry. It was going to be a long night, and even though he was tired and desperate to get some sleep, he wanted to lie there forever and forget about everything that had happened.

**###**


	22. Revenge

**Ah! The reviews are awesome and I love them and I love you! :3**

**So, basically, I had something I wanted to write here but I forgot what it was XD Here's chapter 22;  
**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Revenge_  
**

It had been a week since Sirius had told Remus what had happened, and things didn't look like they were going to change. James had decided not to take a side this time around. He didn't want to get involved, but Sirius could tell that he was definitely more sympathetic towards Remus, which he didn't blame him for. Sirius felt like a monster.

He could see how devastated Remus was, and it made his heart ache, that he was the reason. Peter had taken himself away from the group even more than usual, and Sirius felt guilty about it. He knew it was his own fault. He knew he was the reason their friendship was falling apart.

Regulus was a completely different story; he didn't look sad or upset. He just looked furious. Every single time he passed Sirius in the corridors, he would barge into him with such a force that Sirius nearly fell over several times. He didn't bother shouting at him or telling him to stop, because he knew he deserved it. He deserved everything he was getting.

It didn't stop him from feeling so lonely, though. It was weird going to sleep in his own bed at night. He had gotten so used to sleeping in Remus' bed, that his own bed felt strange and unfamiliar. The smell wasn't the same. It didn't smell nice. It didn't smell amazing. It didn't smell like Remus.

Sirius hadn't even dared try to speak to Remus, because he knew it was just asking for trouble. Remus, in turn, tried his best to ignore Sirius altogether. Whenever they were in the same room, Remus would leave. Whenever they _had_ to be in the same room, Remus would simply pretend Sirius wasn't there.

Sirius knew it was tearing Remus up inside, but he knew there was nothing he could do now. The damage was done, and he had to just hope that Remus could heal after the heartbreak.

"Sirius, we need to go."

Sirius looked away from the view out of the window and at James, who was waiting for him.

"I don't want to go to class today. I think I'll just stay here."

"No, you won't. This is our last year and you can't afford to miss another lesson. You've skived _all week_. You promised you'd come to class today. Come on."

Sirius sighed and stood up, walking absent-mindedly towards the door and following James.

"James, can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Does... does he hate me?" Sirius asked, swallowing and trying to stay calm.

"I don't know," James replied. "He doesn't want to talk about it. Hurts him too much."

"Oh," Sirius said, looking down, guilt bubbling up inside him. "I would hate me. If I was him."

"So would I," James said, as they made their way down the stairs. "But let's not talk about it. It'll only stress you out, and you need to focus to catch up with what you've missed."

Sirius felt like screaming that he really didn't care about catching up with the work he'd missed, and that he only wanted Remus back in his arms and loving him again. He wanted Remus to talk to him, or smile at him, or even acknowledge him. He knew that was asking far too much.

They reached Transfiguration and took their seats at the back of the class.

"You're late," Professor McGonagall said when they entered. "And Mister Black, you have missed the past four lessons. May I have an explanation for that, please?"

"I wasn't feeling well," Sirius mumbled.

"Well then you should have seen Madame Pomfrey," Professor McGonagall said sternly. "Fifty points from Gryffindor."

Sirius didn't really care. He just wanted to get back to his bed and lie down.

"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, we are looking at human transfiguration. In particular, the ability to change the colour and styles of one's hair and body. The incantation in 'Multicorfors'. I am going to pair you up, and you shall practice the spell on your partner. The secret is to focus and picture exactly what you want your partner to look like. Right, I shall pair you up then. Snape and Potter, Evans and Pettigrew, McKinnon and Parker, Meadowes and Longbottom, Applebee and Bowler, Prewitt and Rosier, Lupin and Black."

Sirius felt himself tense as he realised that he was working with Remus, of all people.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Get to work!" Professor McGonagall said.

Everybody moved to sit next to their partners except for Sirius. He stayed rooted on the spot, and glanced up at Remus, who had made no attempt to move. Finally, after receiving "The Look" from Professor McGonagall, Sirius headed over to where Remus was sitting and took the seat beside him.

The awkward silence was almost unbearable, and Sirius hated it.

"So, er, should we start?" Sirius asked lamely. Remus looked at him coldly and nodded.

"Fine," he said, pointing his wand at Sirius. "Multicorfors."

Nothing happened.

"Multicorfors."

Still, nothing happened. Sirius could see in Remus' expression that he wasn't really focusing on the spell at all, so he knew nothing was going to happen.

"_Multicorfors_!"

"Mister Lupin, you need to focus," Professor McGonagall said from behind him.

Remus closed his eyes and sighed, opening them again with a lot more focus in his expression. He pointed his wand at Sirius and said "Multicorfors", and Sirius felt the tingle of the spell working.

"Very good, Lupin. Ten points to Gryffindor, although, I'd have thought you'd use a bit more imagination with the hair colour."

Sirius glanced at his reflection in the window and noticed that his hair was no longer black, but brunette. He also noticed that he did not suit brown hair.

"Muticorfors," Professor McGonagall said, as she changed Sirius' hair back to normal. "Mister Black, let me see your attempt."

Sirius cleared his throat and pointed his wand at Remus. "Multicorfors."

"_FOCUS,_ Black."

"I'm _trying_! Multicorfors!"

Remus' hair colour changed at the tips to a very light green and then changed back again.

"Try again," Professor McGonagall said. "Wipe everything from your mind, and just focus on Mister Lupin. See exactly what you want to happen."

Sirius nodded and tried again. "Multicorfors."

Finally, Remus' hair changed colour completely to a very bright green.

"Very good! Ten points to Gryffindor. Multicofors. I suggest you both keep practicing."

They took it in turns, not saying anything but the spell. It wasn't until they'd successfully managed to cast the spell about ten times, that Professor McGonagall told them that they needed to write an essay about the use of the spell together.

"Do you want to write, or should I?" Sirius asked.

"I'll write," Remus replied, taking his quill out and writing.

"We're supposed to work _together_," Sirius said.

"Do _you_ want to write it? That's perfectly fine by me, Sirius," Remus said, shoving the piece of parchment towards Sirius and folding his arms.

Sirius picked up the quill and wrote down the title, and then looked towards Remus.

"Um, what do I write?"

Remus glared at him and grabbed the quill back, and started scribbling on the parchment. It wasn't until he'd written a paragraph that he realised Sirius was staring at him.

"_What_?"

"Nothing," Sirius said quickly, looking away. Remus carried on writing.

"Are you sure you don't want me to help you?" Sirius asked. Remus didn't reply. It took around half an hour to finish, and he handed it in to Professor McGonagall with both of their names on it.

"Well done, you two. You're free to chat away for the rest of the lesson," Professor McGonagall said, looking pleased.

They sat for a minute in silence, Remus staring off at the wall in front of him, and Sirius trying to think of something to say. He desperately wanted to say _something_, but he knew Remus would probably ignore him or snap at him.

"Remus?"

No answer.

"Remus, I just wanted to tell you I'm so sorry. I know you won't forgive me, but I'm sorry."

Remus looked down, and Sirius could tell that he was trying not to cry. Before Sirius could say anything else, Remus threw his hand in the air.

"Yes, Lupin?"

"Is it okay if I go and lie down for a bit? I'm not feeling too well," he said shakily. Professor McGonagall looked concerned, but did not argue.

"Of course. Get well soon."

Remus grabbed his bag and headed out of the classroom quickly, and Sirius sighed. He knew Remus wasn't talking to him anytime soon.

**##**

"Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"You've been very distant," Sirius said. "Is it my fault?"

Peter rolled his eyes. "It's not your fault. It's just... it's hard to explain."

"Tell me."

"I can't."

"Please tell me, Pete," Sirius said. "I have nobody to talk to. Please talk to me."

"I can't, Sirius. I'm sorry."

**##**

"So how was Transfiguration with Remus?" James asked later that night while Remus had disappeared to the library.

"Great," Sirius said sarcastically. "Just great."

"Did he talk to you?"

"Barely."

"He'll come around, eventually," James said. "You have to understand how he'll be feeling."

"I understand that he'll never forgive me," Sirius said. "I mean, what reason has he got to forgive me after what I did?"

"You've been through so much together," James replied. "He can't not forgive you."

"I wish I could believe you."

"What about Regulus? Has he done anything yet?"

Sirius had told James about the way Regulus had threatened him, and James had promised to help him out with anything Regulus tried to do to him.

"So far, only shoving into me," Sirius said. "So no, he's not done anything yet."

"You'll be fine," James said. "He was angry when he said that. He's probably calmed down now. Don't worry about it."

Sirius smiled and nodded. "Thanks, James."

"It's alright."

**##**

"_Look. I'm really sorry about how I've been acting. I'm sorry I snapped at you but it's pretty clear why you and me... _we_ keep arguing like this."_

_"Why's that?"_

_"Because I want you! And you want me!"_

_"You don't w-want me." _

_"Wanna bet?"_

_...  
_

_"I don't know what I ever did to deserve you. You're so perfect."_

_"And you're blind. Goodnight, Sirius."_

_"Night, baby."_

_...  
_

_"What are you doing?" _

_"I'm accompanying you for a shower."_

_"I can shower by myself, thanks."_

_"Oh come on, _please_."_

_"I don't know, Sirius. I don't think I'm ready for that yet."_

_"All we'll be doing is having a shower. Nothing else..."_

_"But-"_

_"- Ok, Rem. It's fine. I understand, and I don't want to pressure you into anything you aren't ready for. Oh, stop looking guilty babe. I love you."_

_...  
_

"_I love you so much, and don't think something as stupid as that will stop us from getting married. We _will_ get married, okay?"_

_"Yes. Yes, I will marry you. I mean, yeah, we're young, but we can be engaged without getting married straight away, right?"_

_"Right."_

_"We're getting married. I love you."_

_"Yeah. I love you, too, sweetheart."_

_...  
_

Sirius woke up, tears rolling down his cheeks. He hadn't even been aware that he was crying, but he couldn't stop thinking about his dream. All of the moments he'd shared with Remus, had all come flooding back to him and he hated the fact that he had been idiotic enough to sabotage what he had with Remus.

He hated himself so much.

**##**

"Hey, Sirius!"

Sirius turned around and stared at Regulus in shock.

"Why are you talking to me?"

"I just wanted to say that I've forgiven you," Regulus replied, with a very false-looking smile.

"Uh, why? You hated me just yesterday."

"But I've thought about it, and it's silly to stay mad at you," Regulus said. "Especially now I've found someone new."

"What? Who?"

Regulus smiled and gestured for someone to come into view. Sirius' mouth dropped when he saw who it was.

"Wait! You guys are _together_?"

"Yes," Remus said, wearing the same false smile that Regulus was wearing. "And I'm forgiving you too, Sirius."

Sirius stared between the two of them with his mouth open in shock. Regulus took Remus' hand and they smiled at each other.

"So?" Remus said. "What do you think? Are you happy for us?"

Sirius knew it was fake. He _knew _it was. No way in hell would they get together for any other reason than some sort of twisted revenge against him. They weren't even properly smiling. Still, he couldn't help feeling slightly jealous as he watched them whispering in each other's ears in front of him.

"Sirius?"

"I'm really happy for you," Sirius said, smiling at them. He wasn't going to give them what they wanted. Surely they just wanted him to suffer, and he wasn't going to let it show.

"I told you he'd be happy for us," Remus said to Regulus.

"Mm, I love you," Regulus said, and Sirius turned away as they started kissing.

He decided it was time to leave. He couldn't stand it any longer. Sure, they could be mad at him, but this was just crossing the line. He ran straight back up towards the dormitory and slammed the door shut in anger.

"What's up?" James asked in alarm.

"Nothing. I don't really want to talk about it," Sirius replied, putting his head in his hands and sighing loudly.

"Remus? Or Regulus?" James guessed.

Sirius laughed. "Both."

"Oh," James said, looking slightly confused. "Come on, tell me!"

"I think they're trying to get back at me for what I did," Sirius said. "They're PRETENDING to be together, acting all happy and kissing in front of me. You know, I tried not to give them the satisfaction, but it fucking hurts!"

"Oh Sirius, I'm sorry," James said, looking sympathetic. "But as you said, it's pretend. They won't be able to keep it up for long. I'm pretty sure they hate each other anyway. They'll give up soon. Just do what you're doing – pretend it's not upsetting you."

"Regulus said to Remus that he loves him," Sirius said in disgust. "I mean, what _is_ that?"

"Calm down, you just told me yourself that it's not real," James said. "They're just trying to make you jealous."

"Well it's working," Sirius muttered.

"Don't let them get to you. Seriously, they'll give up with it if you don't show them that you're jealous. Okay?"

"Fine," Sirius said. "Right. I'll just ignore them."

"Good," James said, clapping him on the back. "You'll be fine. I promise."

Sirius smiled and nodded, though inside he couldn't stop thinking about what they were doing to him and he couldn't blame them for it. It didn't make it hurt any less though. He felt like curling up in a ball and hiding from the world forever. If only that was possible...

**###**


	23. The Truth

**Here's ze next chapter :3**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF**** HESITA****NCE  
_The Truth_  
**

Sirius tried his best to ignore Remus and Regulus the next few weeks, but it was becoming harder and harder to do so. Regulus had taken to hanging around with Remus, even when Sirius was there, so Sirius had ended up spending a lot of time alone.

He had thought their 'revenge' would wear out after a few days, but he hated to say he was wrong. They were almost inseparable, and that hurt Sirius a lot.

"What are they like when I'm not around?" Sirius demanded, when he was walking up to the dormitory with James one night.

"They actually seem... um... happy," James said, biting his lip. "But it won't last."

"Damned right it won't," Sirius said angrily, slamming the door open and storming in. He made his way over to his bed and pulled the curtains over only to pull them shut again.

"What happened?" James asked curiously.

"GET OFF MY BED!" Sirius shouted. "That's _my_ bed, and he's a SLYTHERIN. He shouldn't be in here."

Remus poked his head out through the curtains looking guilty. "I'm so sorry, Sirius. We must have got the wrong bed."

The curtains opened and Regulus sat up, re-doing the buttons on his shirt and tossing Remus' shirt at Remus.

Sirius tried to stay calm. "Slytherins aren't allowed in here."

"He's my boyfriend. I trust him," Remus said, taking Regulus' hand and taking him over to his own bed.

"He's _my_ brother, and it's up to _me_ whether he's allowed in here!" Sirius shouted.

"Just leave them, Sirius. If they want to kiss, just let them. We should do our homework anyway," James said, obviously trying to take Sirius' mind off it.

"It's okay," Regulus said. "I'll go. I'll see you later, baby," he added to Remus, kissing him on the lips. Sirius coughed and glared at them.

"I love you," Remus said as Regulus left the room.

"So," James said quietly. "I'll be downstairs if you need me."

With that, he made a quick exit out of the dormitory, before Sirius blew up.

"WHAT THE _FUCK_ DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, ANYWAY?"

"Kissing my boyfriend, actually. Didn't know it was a crime," Remus said, picking up his book and attempting to read it.

"_I mean_," Sirius said through gritted teeth, "what are you doing with him? You have absolutely _nothing_ in common!"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Nothing in common? I think you'll find we do."

"Like what?" Sirius scoffed. "The only thing you have in common is the fact that you both dated me."

"We both _hate_ you!" Remus yelled. "That's what we have in common!"

"But you hate each other too!" Sirius said. "What's the point in being with someone you hate, just to try to make me jealous?"

"Believe it or not, Sirius, I do not _hate_ him," Remus said coldly. "Yes, it may have started as some way to make you jealous, but it's not that anymore."

"Oh yeah, and what is it?"

"It's called love," Remus said. "You know, that _thing_ that you don't know anything about! I _love_ him. Not that you would know what that feels like, since you obviously never loved me."

"That's not true," Sirius said quietly. "I loved you so much. I still do."

"Of course," Remus said. "Well, you'll have to get over me. I'm with Regulus now, and that's that."

Sirius sighed. "Do you really love him?"

"Yes," Remus said. "And he loves me."

"But-"

"-Goodnight, Sirius," Remus cut him off, pulling his bed curtains shut.

**##**

It was a Hogsmeade weekend, and Sirius was walking down the street with James, Lily, Peter, Remus and Regulus, scowling at the ground.

"Are you okay, Sirius?" Peter asked, always the oblivious one. Sirius raised an eyebrow at him and looked pointedly towards Remus and Regulus who were walking in front of them, hand-in-hand.

"Oh," Peter said, nodding.

"Why don't we give James and Lily some alone time?" Remus said. "You guys can go to Madame Puddifoot's for a romantic lunch."

"Are you sure?" Lily asked uncertainly. "We don't have to."

"Please," Remus said. "You should. You never get to spend any time alone."

"Where are _we_ going, then?" Peter asked.

"Three Broomsticks?" Regulus said.

"Let's go," Remus said, leading Regulus towards the small pub at the end of the street. Sirius held back; he didn't want to spend his day in the Three Broomsticks like _that_.

"Come on, Sirius!" Regulus said, gesturing for him to join them.

Peter grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him through the door. They took their seats, and Remus looked at Peter expectantly.

"Go and order us drinks, will you?" he asked.

Peter groaned. "Why me?"

"I'll get them," Sirius volunteered, standing up quickly, desperate to get away.

"No, Sirius. Let Peter do it," Regulus said, looking at Peter in a way that was unreadable. "You'll do it, won't you Peter?"

Sirius glanced at his friend, who looked a mixture of annoyed and frightened. He stood up and sighed. "What do you want, then?"

"Firewhiskey," Sirius said dully, staring absent-mindedly at the wall.

"We'll just have butterbeers," Remus said. Peter disappeared from the table and the awkwardness began. It was silent for almost two minutes before Remus let out a high-pitched squeal, catching Sirius' attention.

"What was that for?" Remus asked Regulus, smiling.

"I wanted to get your attention," Regulus replied. "You're so sexy when you blush like that."

Sirius tried to tune out of the conversation, but he just couldn't.

"_You're _sexy," Remus whispered.

"Do you know what's sexy?" Regulus asked. Remus looked at him expectantly, and Regulus smirked. "Well, you'll have to wait till tonight to find out."

"Don't you hurt him!" Sirius almost yelled at Regulus in anger. Their attention turned to him and Remus raised his eyebrows.

"I can take care of myself, Sirius," Remus said.

"If he wants to have sex with me, then he can," Regulus said.

"He doesn't want to have sex with _you_," Sirius snorted. "He's not like that."

"You don't know anything about me!" Remus said. "And yes, I _will_ have sex with him tonight. Like you can stop us. You have no claim over what I do."

Sirius couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was this the same Remus who had been so shy about sex when they were dating? The very same Remus who thought of it as something special, and not just for fun?

"I forbid you," Sirius said angrily. "You can't have sex with my little brother without my consent."

Regulus laughed. "You're my brother, not my mum. You can't dictate my life. Just because you're jealous."

"I'm not jealous of you two," Sirius lied. "You and your little _fake_ relationship that is so ridiculous and makes absolutely NO sense. Why would I be jealous of that?"

"Well," Regulus said. "It's perfectly clear that you're jealous. Every time you _look_ at us, you scowl."

"Well, you're both taking things too far!" Sirius said. "You don't _love_ each other!"

"Yes, we do."

"No you don't!" Sirius said. "Reg, you even told me that you would get your revenge. Isn't that enough proof that this is just some stupid joke?"

"Oh," Regulus said. "I haven't even _began_ my revenge yet, if that's what you think."

"Remus, can't you see how _sick_ he is?" Sirius asked Remus, who just shrugged.

"Sirius, you were kind of an asshole actually," Remus said. "You deserve it."

"He's going to hurt you," Sirius told Remus. "He's evil like that. Complete Slytherin."

"Oh cut the crap, Sirius," Regulus said angrily. "You're the evil one here!"

"You're a _FUCKING DEATH EATER_!" Sirius hissed.

"Wait, what?" Remus said in alarm, looking at Regulus in shock. Regulus looked furious.

"I did that for _you_!" Regulus hissed back at Sirius. "It's not like I actually _want_ to be one!"

"You're still a Death Eater," Sirius said. "Wait till he asks you to kill someone, what are you going to do then?"

"Regulus, are you really one?" Remus asked.

"Yes," Regulus replied. "But it doesn't matter because I could never kill someone. Except maybe _him_," he said, glaring at Sirius.

"Well, you know what? I could kill you too, actually!"

Sirius stood up drawing his wand, and Regulus pulled his wand out immediately. "Oh no!" Remus said, standing between them. "Not here. No."

"Why not?"

"Come on, guys. Just leave it," Remus pleaded. "Regulus, please?"

"No," Regulus, said sending a hex towards Sirius who ducked out of the way. "Maybe you are right, Sirius! Maybe I _don't_ love him!"

Remus looked as though someone had slapped him in the face.

"_Told you_," Sirius spat, looking at Remus. "Told you he doesn't love you!"

"I hate you so much, Sirius! So much!" Regulus yelled. "I hate you so much that I'll even _pretend_ to be with _him_ to hurt you! He doesn't mean anything to me, and that was the whole point. You know, hurt him and that'll hurt you, because you _obviously_ love him _so much_!"

Sirius was well aware that everyone in the pub was watching them, and he could feel the heat rising to his cheeks.

"He's _vile_ and disgusting and doesn't even deserve to go to Hogwarts!"

_Oh no_, Sirius thought in panic as he realised what Regulus was doing. He glanced up at Remus, who looked pale.

"He's a _werewolf_!" Regulus shouted to everyone in the pub, pointing accusatory at Remus, who seemed to shrink back against the wall. "It's absolutely disgusting! He deserves to be locked away in some cell where he belongs!"

"Don't you _dare_ say that about him!" Sirius shouted back. "He's a _much_ better person that you'll ever-"

"-OUT! GET OUT OF HERE, ALL OF YOU!" Madame Rosmerta yelled furiously, pointing towards the door. Most of the Hogwarts students who had been watching were still staring at Remus in shock. Most faces looked wary, others looked repulsed. Remus ran from the pub, slamming the door shut behind him.

Sirius stormed out afterwards, followed by Regulus, who pushed him up against the wall outside and pointed his wand at his neck.

"I hope you're looking forward to going to Azkaban, Sirius," Regulus said. "I'll tell _everyone_ about the fact that you're an animagus."

"I'll tell everyone you're a Death Eater!"

"I don't care!" Regulus said. "Tell everyone! I told you before and I'll say it now. I'm leaving this place. Who needs education anyway?"

"Well, good riddance!" Sirius said, shoving him back. "I don't want to see you ever again!"

"Oh, you will," Regulus said quietly. "I'll haunt you till the day you die. I'll make your life _hell_ so you can never be happy again."

"I'd like to see you try."

Regulus smirked and sent a spell at Sirius before he could react, creating a large gash down his side, dripping with blood. Sirius gritted his teeth to stop from crying out; the pain was unbearable. Before he could do anything else, he looked up and Regulus was gone.

_If I see him again, I swear I'll kill him_, Sirius thought as he limped up the street back towards Hogwarts.

**###**


	24. Blamed

**Hey guys! Thank you for the reviews, as always!**

**I know I said a few chapter ago, that we're nearing the end. Scrap that. I decided to make a detailed plan of the story, and there will be 40 chapters altogether. Woo! :)**

**A lot more action is coming up soon, too, so be excited ;)**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF**** HESITANCE****  
_Blamed_**

In the weeks following, Sirius couldn't help but hate himself more and more every day. How could he have been so stupid to let Regulus know about Remus being a werewolf in the first place? He should have seen it coming.

The people in The Three Broomsticks the day that Regulus had yelled Remus's secret out had told others, and soon enough the entire school knew about Remus's condition.

Sirius saw the way Remus walked through the corridors at school and he knew that he was to blame. His shoulders were hunched, his head hung low. He seemed to be trying to blend in with the walls all of the time.

Sirius had tried to apologise several times, but Remus didn't even acknowledge him anymore. It hurt, but he knew he deserved it after everything he had put him through.

Nobody in the school wanted to talk to Remus. Most avoided him, some insulted him, but hardly anybody wanted to be near him. The teachers were supporting him, but nothing seemed to help.

Out of everyone, Lily was the one who spent the most time with him. They usually sat in the back of the library together, away from everyone else. If Lily was unavailable, Sirius would sometimes see him sitting with his ex-boyfriend, Will, in the library. He was glad that some people were there for Remus.

Sirius spent most of his free time in the common room with James nowadays, attempting to study for the upcoming NEWTs, but most of the time he was too preoccupied thinking over the mess he'd made of his and Remus's lives.

"What's that hair colour changing spell thingy?" James asked, while flicking through a Transfiguration book. "My mind's gone blank."

"Multicorfors," Sirius said off-handedly, staring out of the window. "James, can we stop studying now? I'm so bored."

James sighed and shut his book. "Me too," he said. "Wanna go smuggle in some Firewhiskey?"

"I don't know, James..."

"Come on!" James said, nudging him. "It'll take your mind off of everything."

Sirius smiled and nodded. "You know what? Fine, let's go. You got the cloak on you?"

"What do you take me for – an idiot?" James said, pulling out the cloak.

"Well-"

"_Don't _answer that," James said with a glare. He threw the cloak over the two of them, although it barely covered them now.

"You _do_ realise how creepy we probably look," Sirius said. "People can only see our legs."

"So what?" James asked. "Maybe we should go and freak out some first years..."

"No, I need Firewhiskey right now!" Sirius said. "Come on."

**##**

"Sooooo," Sirius said, as they sat on James's bed in the dormitory later that evening. "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?"

James took a swig of Firewhiskey and shrugged. "In Lily's heart."

Sirius sniggered and fell back against his pillow. "You soppy git."

"What? It's true! Hey – don't look at me like that!" James said, shoving Sirius off of the bed. "You asked the question."

Sirius jumped back onto the bed and opened his second bottle of Firewhiskey. "Your turn to ask a question."

"Okay," James said, staring intently at Sirius. "My question to you is... er... if you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?"

"Does it have to be food? Can't I say Firewhiskey?"

"Has to be food."

"Fine then, chocolate," Sirius said. James stared at him for a moment and then nodded.

"Yeah, that wouldn't happen to be because of a certain chocoholic werewolf, would it?" he asked.

"Of course not!" Sirius said, taking a swig from his bottle. "I'm so over this whole Remus thing."

"Right."

"I mean it!"

"I believe you, okay?" James said, holding his hands up in defeat. "Your question, anyway."

"Do you think I stand a chance of getting Remus to love me again?"

James smiled sadly at him and then let out a hiccup. "I don't know," he said. "Sorry. I just don't know. I thought you said you were 'over this whole Remus thing'."

"I am," Sirius said quickly. "I was just wondering. Your question."

"How many kids are you going to have?"

Sirius snorted. "Do I look like a guy who's going to have kids?"

"You never know," James said. "I could see it... perhaps."

"I'm gay," Sirius said.

"You don't say!" James replied, his voice laced with sarcasm. "But gay people _can_ have kids. There are ways."

"It's not the same," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "There's only adoption – which is stupid because the kid wouldn't even be yours. I mean, it wouldn't even have my perfect eyes and my sexiness gene."

"There's no such thing as a sexiness-"

"- and then there's that thing where you have sex with a chick and she has the baby for you," Sirius said, ignoring James. "I don't like that either. I mean, _yes_ it would have my sexiness gene but what about Remus's sexiness gene? It wouldn't have that. I mean, it would be insanely good looking, and have my beautiful black hair and gorgeous eyes, but what about Remus's cleverness and perfectness?"

James looked like he was about to burst out laughing, but managed not to. "There are other ways."

"Oh, like what?" Sirius challenged.

"I heard in the Prophet that these two gay men wanted a kid, and one of them used this potion to turn himself into a woman," James said. Sirius snorted.

"That's the worst idea yet!"

"Well," James said. "Obviously this guy who made himself a woman had all of his genes and whatnot from when he was a man, so he was basically the same person except he could get pregnant. So he stayed as a woman for nine months and then had the baby and returned to being a man again."

"That's actually not so bad," Sirius said. "Except the biggest problem; who wants to be the one turning into a woman?"

"That would be you, you ponce," James said, sniggering at Sirius's facial expression.

"Hey!"

"Well Remus couldn't do it," James carried on. "He's a werewolf. What would happen when he transforms and there's a baby? I'm pretty sure it couldn't survive through _that_."

Sirius huffed. "Well, Remus hates me anyway so it's not like it would happen anyway."

James rolled his eyes and patted Sirius on the shoulder. "Your question."

"How many kids are _you_ going to have?"

James's eyes lit up and he started counting on his fingers for a few minutes and then grinned. "Six," he said.

"_Six? Really?_"

"Yes. We're going to have James Junior, Lily Junior, Ha Ha Snivellus You Suck, Sirius Is Stupid, Actual Proof I Had Sex With Lily Evans and Harry."

Sirius spat his drink all over the bed and James. "Oh Merlin. Have you spoken to Lily about this?"

"Not yet, no," James said, looking disgusting at Sirius. "That's for when we're married. You're gross, and I'm sleeping in your bed tonight since you've just ruined mine."

"I don't think you want to sleep in my bed," Sirius said.

"Oh yeah, why?"

"I had sex with Remus on that bed," Sirius said proudly, finishing off his bottle of Firwhiskey.

"Ew," James said, looking horrified. "That's put the most disgusting images into my head."

"ME AND REMUS. REMUS AND ME. OR IS IT _I_? Remus would know... anyway, REMUS AND ME HAVING SEX, ME AND REMUS-"

"-Shut up!" James said. "Or I'll make you babysit all six of my kids when we're older."

"Ha! That should be fun!" Sirius said. "'Oi! Actual Proof I Had Sex With Lily Evans, stop hitting Ha Ha Snivellus You Suck over the head!'"

"Leave my kids alone, you bully!" James said angrily.

Sirius sniggered.

**##**

Sirius woke up in the morning to the sound of raised voices. He opened his eyes and poked his head out between his bed curtains to see what was going on. He saw Remus and Lily standing near the door of the dormitory, James standing opposite them, and Peter poking his head out of his own bed curtains.

"You're being ridiculous here, James," Lily said softly. "Don't you dare turn into that person."

"Well, maybe I can't help it!" James shouted at her. "When was the last time you spent time with me?"

"James," she said quietly. "You know Remus is going through a lot right now."

"Look, don't worry about it," Remus said, looking between them anxiously. "I'm fine, Lily. You can spend today with James."

"No, Remus. You don't have to do that," Lily said, putting a hand on his arm comfortingly.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS _THAT_?!" James said furiously, glaring at Remus.

"That was nothing, mate," Sirius interrupted. "You're seeing things that aren't there."

"James, honestly!" Lily said. "Don't you trust me?"

James made an undecipherable noise and continued glaring at Remus.

"Can you stop looking at me like that?" Remus pleaded. "I didn't do anything. I'm sorry. I'll just go."

"Don't go, Remus!" Lily said angrily. "Don't give him the satisfaction. He has to learn that I can hang out with other people too," she said, looking at James pointedly.

"Well, when one of those people is one of my best mates, and painfully single, and needing comfort, and has more in common with you than I do, then it's difficult to understand."

"I'm not going to steal your girlfriend!" Remus said, looking annoyed. "Can't you trust _me_?"

"You are being a bit over the top," Peter said quietly. "They're only studying and talking."

"What would _you_ know?" James said, rounding on Peter. "You're never around any of us anymore. Where the hell do you spend all of your time, anyway?"

Peter looked up at James and a flicker of fear crossed his face. "I-I'm sorry."

"And _YOU_," James said, turning around and moving towards Sirius. "This is _all your fault_!"

"What are you-"

"It's not his fault," Lily said in exasperation. "It's nobody's fault because nothing has happened! Merlin James, calm down. You can come with us if you really want."

"If you had kept your big mouth shut, then nobody would know he was a werewolf, and if you hadn't cheated on him, then you'd still be together and none of this would have happened!"

"James, please stop," Remus said.

"Okay, _yes_ it's my fault Remus is like that, but Lily is only comforting him! What's the big deal?" Sirius asked.

"There's something going on between them, I can feel it!" James yelled angrily, looking towards Lily and Remus.

"You're crazy!" Lily shouted, walking towards him and grabbing him by the shoulders. "I am not cheating on you with Remus. Why can't you believe me? Why can't you trust me?"

"I just have this feeling," James said.

"Well, you're wrong," Remus said. "I'm sorry I haven't been a good enough friend for you to trust me, but whatever. I'll go and study by myself."

"Come on Lily," James said, grabbing her hand and trying to kiss her, but she pushed him away.

"Yeah, right. I'm not going to kiss you after that!" Lily said, looking irritated. "I'll see you later."

With that, she stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her, leaving James, Sirius and Peter alone.

"I hope you're happy with yourself," James said to Sirius.

"I haven't done anything!"

"Whatever."

"Wormtail, mate," Sirius said. "Have I done something? Or is he just going crazy?"

"Well, I... er," Peter said, looking between James and Sirius uncertainly. "Uh..."

"_Fix_ things with Remus," James said.

"How am I supposed to do _that_?"

"I don't know, and I really don't care! Fix things, and then I can have Lily back," James said. "Until then, I'm not interested in anything you have to say."

"_What_?"

"And don't even think about staying at mine for Christmas. You can stay here by yourself."

Sirius stood up and walked towards the door, making sure to slam it behind him.

"What's wrong? Is he still mad?" Lily asked Sirius as he entered the common room.

"Apparently he doesn't want to talk to me until Remus is talking to me again," Sirius muttered. "Which won't happen any time soon."

"I'm sorry," Lily said.

"It's not your fault," Sirius replied. "He just needs to learn to trust you and Remus."

"I wouldn't really recommend speaking to Remus right now," Lily said. "He's pretty unstable. You'll just make him worse if you try to speak to him."

"Well, I'm going to try," Sirius said, and walked off before she could protest.

He found Remus in the library sitting alone writing something down. Taking a deep breath, he walked towards Remus and pulled out a chair to sit opposite him. Remus looked up briefly at the sound of the chair moving, and then looked straight back down at his book.

"Hey," he tried. "Remus, I know I messed up and I'm the worst person in the world, but I honestly would give anything for you to forgive me. I'm really sorry. I wish you could know how sorry I am. I hate myself for it."

Remus continued writing as if Sirius wasn't speaking at all.

"What are you writing? Is it for a lesson?"

Sirius knew it wasn't. He could see that Remus had written the same thing over and over.

"I love you," Sirius whispered. Remus looked up for a moment and their eyes met. Sirius felt his heart rate pick up instantly as he stared into those eyes, but then they were gone and Remus was standing up with tears in his eyes. Sirius hadn't even noticed Remus starting to cry.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said.

Remus gathered his things and began walking away. Just when Sirius was about to say something else, Remus turned to face him looking completely broken and lost.

"I love you," Remus said quietly, his voice breaking. He turned and walked away, leaving Sirius feeling a complete mix of emotions.

**##**

'_Andromda,_

_I was wondering if I could stay over at yours for Christmas this year. I have nowhere else to go. It would be nice to see you guys again. Please reply soon. We break up for the holidays soon._

_Sirius.'_

**###**

**AN - 'Actual Proof I Had Sex With Lily Evans' was taken from the wonderful Julvett. Not mine, unfortunately :P**


	25. Comfort

**It's been three months! I'm really sorry for the delay, everyone! I've been doing A Levels, and I really needed to focus them but I CAN promise my updates will be more regular again now.**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
_Comfort_**

"Firewhiskey, Sirius?" Andromeda asked politely, holding out a glass. Sirius smiled and took the glass from her, taking a swig.

"Thanks for letting me stay," he said, as he sat down on the sofa.

"Well you know you're always welcome here. But I am concerned, Sirius."

"Concerned?" he questioned.

"Yes," Andromeda replied, leaning forwards slightly in her chair. "Why don't you have anywhere to go? I thought your friend was letting you stay with him?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "It's stupid. He's just being a prat."

"I'd like to know, Sirius," she said. "If I'm being honest, you look awful. Please tell me what's going on. Maybe I could help you."

Sirius sighed and thought about telling his older cousin. There was no way she would understand. He couldn't tell her about James being mad at him because of Remus, without telling her the reason he and Remus broke up. The very thought of telling her about Regulus made him feel sick. She would hate him, and then he would _really_ have nowhere to go.

"It's just... complicated," he sighed. "I wish I could tell you, but I don't think you'd understand. I can't bear to lose someone else."

"Someone else?" she questioned, looking worried. "Who have you lost?"

"It doesn't matter," Sirius muttered, finishing off his drink. "More Firewhiskey?"

She nodded, and handed him the bottle. "It does matter, Sirius. You look terrible. I know you're hurting, and I think you need someone to talk to. You say you don't think I'll understand, but believe me – I can be very understanding."

"Me lost my toy, Mummy!" came a small voice from the hallway. Sirius turned eagerly to see Nymphadora standing in the doorway looking very upset. When she spotted him, her face lit up immediately and she came running up to him. "UCKLE SIRIS!"

"Hey, Nymphie," Sirius said, grabbing her and putting her on his lap. "Wow, you've gotten big, haven't you?"

She grinned and nodded. "I grewed seven inches!"

Sirius laughed and patted her on the head. "You're going to be taller than Uncle Sirius soon, aren't you?"

"Uckle Siris be little baby when Nymphie is big," she said. "Where Wemus?"

Sirius's face fell. He felt Andromeda's eyes on him as he answered. "Remus is... busy. He's real busy. I know he wanted to see you, though. He misses you."

"Wemus miss Nymphie?" she asked.

"Of course!" Sirius replied. "Who wouldn't miss you? You're awesome. And you have bright pink hair – you're impossible to miss!"

She giggled and jumped off Sirius's lap. "Uckle Siris tell Wemus that I want marry him."

"I will," Sirius said, as she ran away back upstairs.

"Remus is busy?" Andromeda asked as soon as Nymphadora was out of hearing range.

"Yeah... on holiday with his family."

"He got kicked out, remember?" Andromeda said. "You can't fool me, Sirius. What happened between the two of you? Last time I saw you, you were both so in love. Did you break up? What happened? You can trust me."

Sirius looked at her for a moment, and then sighed. "Okay," he said. "But I've done some bad things. I don't want you to hate me."

"I could never hate you," she said with a warm smile.

"I don't even know where to start!" Sirius said.

"Start from the beginning."

"The beginning," he said, thinking back. "It all started when in the summer holidays after my fourth year at Hogwarts."

"That's quite a while back, then," Andromeda said, raising her eyebrows.

"I was at home and... Regulus... he came into my room. He was upset. He thought that I was going to get kicked out. He was crying, and I felt bad for him. It shouldn't have happened."

"What shouldn't have happened?"

"It was unexpected and... I don't know how it happened, but Regulus started kissing me."

Andromeda's eyes widened and she almost dropped her cup. Her mouth opened but nothing came out. Finally, she cleared her throat. "Well, I wasn't expecting that. He kissed you? In what way?"

"I think you know what way," Sirius said, feeling his cheeks grow hotter.

She nodded, looking slightly overwhelmed. "Carry on..."

"I was with Remus at that point. We'd been together for a few months, and that kiss... it just... it messed me up. I know it sounds horrible, but I really liked it. Anyway, when we went back to school it was awful... I kept thinking about the kiss and then Regulus and I started hooking up in secret."

"Let me get this straight," Andromeda said slowly. "You were with Remus, yet you were hooking up with your younger brother?"

"Yes."

"Wow, this family really is deranged," she said with a nervous laugh. "Tell me what happened next, then."

"There was one time when we were both in the hospital wing... we were kissing... I told him that I, um, that I loved him. Remus was standing in the doorway, and he'd heard everything and it was awful. He hated me after that. None of my friends would talk to me, especially Remus."

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised," Andromeda said. "He did catch you cheating on him."

"I know, and I kept apologising over and over. After what happened, Reg and I started hooking up more often, you know. The Room of Requirement was our-"

"-What's the Room of Requirement?"

"Oh. It's a secret room at Hogwarts. It appears when a person is in need of it most. For instance, if you want a place to, erm... have sex, a room will appear with a huge bed."

Her face reddened and she coughed. "You're not saying that you and Regulus..."

"Um, yeah," Sirius said awkwardly. "A couple of times, actually."

"SIRIUS!" Andromeda said loudly. "That's just... insane. He's your little brother! Not to mention you were in fifth year, which made him only – what – thirteen?!"

"Well he didn't disagree!" Sirius said defensively. "Actually, he was usually the one who instigated it!"

"Ew," she said, shuddering. "He's still only a baby to me. Carry on..."

"Remus forgave me at Christmas, which I hadn't expected. That was the Christmas that I got kicked out. I got in a huge fight with Regulus, and we broke up. Did I mention that we were a couple?"

"No."

"Well, we were. I managed to get ahold of James, who decided to forgive me when he heard what had happened, and that's when I moved in with him. When we got back to school, Remus and I kept arguing over stupid little things, and after a few months, me and Reg got back together.

"I had a talk with Remus towards the end of that year, and we finally made up properly. In sixth year, Narcissa caught me and Reg making out and sent a letter to our parents telling them. They forced Regulus to marry some bint, and he didn't even try to refuse."

"Wow, I've really been burnt off the family tree – I had absolutely no idea this was happening. A what? Reggie was only fourteen at this time? They must not have liked the idea of you two."

"Well, the git told them that I was _forcing_ him to be with me. I mean, what the hell?! Anyway, I was really pissed at him for getting married and basically cheating on me, so I kissed Remus one day. Reg was really upset when I told him and he broke up with me, so I was basically left to be with Remus again."

"Sirius," Andromeda said quietly. "Your life is so full of drama."

"Ha!" Sirius said. "That's an understatement."

Andromeda laughed and rolled her eyes. "So that's when you and Remus came to visit me? Around that time?"

"Yes," Sirius said. "And I was really happy. Everything was great after Christmas. We had the best Valentine's Day ever, and I even... I proposed to him. He said yes."

Sirius felt as though he'd cry just thinking back to it. It wasn't a memory he wanted to think about at this moment in time.

"Around March, Regulus started flirting with me again. Tried to make me kiss him, and I finally gave in and started hooking up with him again, and I hated myself for it. It lasted quite a while, too. I broke it off with him when I couldn't stand it anymore. Remus didn't deserve that."

"So what happened?"

"I told Remus everything, and well... yeah, I guess you know how he reacted. He's not here now, is he? They tried to make me jealous, actually. Remus and Reg. They got together, and Reg was a bastard about it. He told the whole school about one of Remus's biggest secrets – a secret that I let slip once by accident when I was with Regulus.

Nobody in school wants to talk to Remus anymore. My best mate – James – won't talk to me either because his girlfriend is spending all of her time looking after Remus. That's why I can't stay at James's this time."

"Wow," Andromeda said, patting his shoulder sympathetically. "You've made a real mess of things, haven't you?"

"I know," he mumbled. "And it gets worse. Regulus left Hogwarts, but before he left he told me that he's going to make my life hell. I have no idea how, but I'm so fucking scared!"

Andromeda grimaced and set down her now-empty cup. "Well," she said, looking Sirius in the eye meaningfully. "I promise you I won't let him hurt you, okay?"

"How?"

"I'm your big cousin," she said, taking his hand. "That's my job."

"You're his cousin too," Sirius pointed out.

"Sirius, didn't we get disowned?" she replied with a wry smile. "_You're_ my only cousin, which means _you're_ the one I'll protect."

Sirius nodded and smiled. "Thank you," he said. "For that. And for listening, for understanding, and for not hating me."

"That's what I'm here for," she said, punching him lightly on the shoulder and standing up. "More Firewhiskey?"

**##**

"UCKLE SIRIS, UCKLE _SIRIS_!"

Sirius unwillingly opened his eyes as Nymphadora started jumping on the bed that he was sleeping on.

"Whad'ya want?" he mumbled, still half asleep.

"Mummy say you take me park," she said excitedly, pulling the covers off of him. Sirius groaned and pulled the covers back up.

"Maybe later, Nymphie."

"NO NOW!" she cried, pulling the covers back off of him. "I want park. Play swings n' slide n' sawsee."

Sirius laughed and sat up. "It's _seesaw_, you idiot."

Nymphadora gasped. "I tell mummy you say bad word."

"That's not a bad word," he replied, rolling his eyes. "Want to hear some _real_ bad words?"

"I hope you're not teaching my daughter any bad words, Sirius," came Andromeda's voice from the hallway.

"No, not at all!" Sirius called back, grinning at Nympahdora who was wearing a cheeky smile.

"Tell me bad word."

"You want to hear the _worst_ bad word ever?" Sirius whispered.

"Yes yes!" she replied, leaning forwards eagerly.

"Okay, the baddest bad word ever is... poop."

Nymphadora nearly fell off the bed laughing. Sirius had to catch her. She giggled and rolled over yelling "poop poop poop poop poop!"

"Shh," Sirius said. "It's a bad word, remember?"

She jumped off of the bed and ran from the room shouting "poop" as she went. Sirius rolled his eyes and decided it was time to get up. He quickly got dressed and made his way downstairs to the living room where Ted was sitting watching the Muggle TV.

"What are you watching? I thought Muggle TVs had people on them?" Sirius asked Ted, who seemed to have ignored him. "Uh, hello? Ted?"

"Sorry," Ted said quickly. "Kind of busy."

It was only then that Sirius noticed that Ted was holding something in his hand. Some sort of remote.

"Ah," Andromeda said, sitting down next to her husband and looking at the TV screen. "Playing Pong?"

"Mmhmm," he said. "Keep losing."

"Pong?" Sirius aked.

"It's a game," Andromeda said. "You should try it – if Ted here ever stops playing. He's obsessed with this game!"

"Looks fun," Sirius said, observing the game. "Can I play after you, Ted?"

"Sure," Ted replied. When he finally lost, he grudgingly handed the controller over to Sirius, who excitedly took over.

Sirius played for hours and hours. The game was addictive. Soon enough, Ted and Nymphadora wanted to join in so they were taking it in turns. Andromeda sat on the sofa watching in disbelief.

"How can you all spend the entire day playing a video game?" she asked.

Nymphadora turned around to face her mother and shouted "poop!".

"Sirius, why have you told Nymphie here to keep saying that?" Andromeda questioned.

"I just told her it was a bad word," Sirius shrugged. "We all know kids like to say words they aren't supposed to say."

"Such a bad influence on her," Andromeda tutted with a smile.

"I'm a bad influence on everyone," Sirius said. "You just have to deal with that."

"BAD IMFLAMENCE!"

"Yep, that too," Sirius said, rolling his eyes at Nymphadora and taking his turn at the game.

**##**

'_Dear Sirius,_

_Sorry about what I said to you back at school. I don't know what got into me on that day. I was an idiot, there I admitted it._

_I should have let you stay at my house – I mean, it's practically your house now too. I'm really sorry._

_Lily forgave me for the things I said, and I hope you can forgive me too. I know what went down between you and Remus, and it was wrong of me to say what I said._

_If you forgive me, I'll tell you the wonderful idea I have for pranking ol' Sniveltron..._

_Trust me, you'll want to hear about it. It's epic._

_Anyway, I hope you can forgive me._

_James.'_

**###**


	26. The Order of the Phoenix

**Just a quick warning that there won't be much romance for about seven chapters. Eek, that'll be hard for me haha, I'm a sucker for romance ;D Gotta get things to start moving towards canon :P**

* * *

**PASSAGE OF HESITANCE  
**_**The Order of the Phoenix  
**_

After the Christmas holidays, everyone was starting to stress about the upcoming NEWTs. Every teacher thought to scare them by telling them that if they hadn't already started revising every day, then they were going to be in trouble when the exams came along.

Sirius didn't really believe what they were saying but nevertheless decided it was probably time to start doing some studying in his free periods. James had decided to do the same, which had helped his relationship with Lily.

A month of heavy revision and no social lives later, and Sirius and James had decided they weren't cut out for studying.

"It's just not us," James said, snapping his heavy Potions book closed and resting his head on it. "It's more of a Remus thing."

"I don't know how he does it," Sirius said, closing his own book. "He's been revising for years. We couldn't even do it for a month!"

"How about we revise a month before the exams?" James proposed. "Because I think I'll die if we carry on like this every day."

"Deal," Sirius said, throwing his books carelessly into his bags. "Besides, we have Quidditch coming up."

Tomorrow was the Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff match and they needed to win it to catch up with Slytherin.

James and Sirius stood up and started making their way out of the library when Sirius saw something out of the corner of his eyes. He stopped walking and hesitantly turned around to see if what he thought he had seen had been real.

"Sirius, what's wrong?" James asked, turning around.

Sirius closed his eyes and shook his head. "Nothing," he replied, turning away from Remus and Will, who were sitting at the table in the far corner of the library, holding hands and whispering to each other.

James peered over to see what Sirius had been looking at and frowned. "Oh."

"Let's just go, James," Sirius said, pulling his best friend out of the library hastily. When they reached the common room, Sirius dropped down on one of the sofas and let out a deep sigh.

James smiled sympathetically nudged Sirius. "Hey, at least he looks happy now. Right?"

"Yeah," Sirius nodded, staring into the fire. "They deserve each other. Will's a good guy."

James raised his eyebrows. "Did you really just say that?"

Sirius laughed and nodded. "Weird, huh?"

"Hey guys," Peter said, coming to join them on the sofas. "I see you've finally given up on revising."

James snorted. "Did you really think we'd last any longer? One more day of that and I'd probably end up killing myself."

Peter laughed and nodded in agreement. "Uh, guys? I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

"Go on," Sirius said, happy to take his mind off of what he'd seen in the library.

"Well, we'll be leaving Hogwarts soon," Peter said. "And I was wondering if you guys would want for us all to buy a flat together."

Sirius thought about it for a moment. Sharing a flat with James, Remus and Peter. While he couldn't deny it would be fun, he decided it would be pretty awkward living with Remus considering the circumstances.

"I think that would be great," Sirius said. "But I can't share a flat with Remus. You know why."

"And well, Lily and I are going to buy a flat together," James said awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with Peter, who sighed.

"It's fine, guys," he said. "I can't afford a flat by myself, and if I can't get a flat I'll have to stay with Mum and Dad."

"Ew," Sirius said. "I'll move into a flat with you as long as it's just us two and not Remus."

Peter beamed at him. "Yeah, that's cool."

Sirius smiled back and decided that this was probably the best idea. Living alone wasn't something he was ready for. He wondered whether Remus and Will would move in together. His heart ached a little at the thought.

Remus entered the common room seconds later looking very distracted by a piece of parchment in his hand.

"Oi Remus!" James called from the other side of the common room. Remus glanced up and made his way over, sitting down on one of the empty sofas.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "Didn't see you guys. Prefect stuff," he said, holding up the parchment.

"What's on it?" Peter asked.

"Professor Dumbledore wants to see a few people in his office tomorrow at 7," Remus said.

"Who?" James asked. "Why?"

"He wants to see us four," Remus said, glancing only for a brief second at Sirius and then back at the parchment in his hand. "Lily, Mary, Alice, Frank, Dorcas and Marlene."

"Why?"

"It doesn't say why. I think there are more people from other houses that have been asked to come as well," Remus replied. "You don't think we're in trouble, do you?"

"No way," James said. "Why would all of the seventh year Gryffindors be in trouble?"

"Hmm," Remus said distractedly. "I'm going to let the other five know. See you later."

"I wonder what that's about?" James asked.

"Who knows?"

**##**

The next morning was a blur, as everybody was getting ready for the Quidditch match. Sirius couldn't wait to get back onto his broom – it had been far too long. He was also scared. Hufflepuff had a really strong team this year and he was worried that they'd lose on their last year at Hogwarts.

"Are you ready for this?" James asked him as they headed down to breakfast.

"Hell yeah," Sirius said. "We're going to win."

"That's the spirit," James said with a grin. They sat down near Peter and Remus, and helped themselves to breakfast.

"Good luck today," Peter said with a smile.

"Thanks."

Just as they were about to get up, the owls started flying in with the mail. An unfamiliar bird flew towards Sirius and dropped an envelope down in front of him.

Peter and James looked at him expectantly, while Remus continued to pretend that he and Sirius weren't even sitting at the same table.

Sirius opened the letter.

'_Sirius,_

_Wouldn't it be nice if Hufflepuff won for once?_

_You're not playing today, and neither is James. Not unless you both want to be in Azkaban._

_Oh yes, I know he's an animagus too. It would be a shame if you both got locked up._

_Regulus.' _

Sirius sighed and slammed the letter down on the table. "Read it," he said to James, who looked concerned. He watched as James read through the letter.

"How the hell does he know about me?" James asked, looking furious.

"I don't know," Sirius said.

"Well this is fucking brilliant!" James said. "Real amazing."

"What's up?" Peter asked. James handed him the letter, and Remus and Peter scanned it quickly.

"What are we going to do?" Sirius asked.

"I'll stand in for one of you," Peter volunteered quickly. "I've never tried Quidditch before but I might be good."

James let out a frustrated groan. "We're going to lose!"

"Pete, can you stand in for me?" Sirius asked. "You have good eye sight – hopefully that'll help you catch the snitch."

"I'll try," Peter said, looking slightly nervous.

"Remus, you'll stand in for me, right?" James asked, looking desperate.

"I'm sure there's someone else-"

"-_Please, _Remus? For me?" James said.

Remus sighed and nodded. "Okay, but don't blame me if we lose. I've never played as Keeper in my life."

"You'll be great!" James said, sounding more confident than he looked.

**##**

It was harder to convince Professor McGonagall why James and Sirius couldn't play in the match. They'd come up with the excuse that they were both feeling really ill and that there was no way that they could play. She'd looked unconvinced and very annoyed, but let them off the hook. The only condition was that they'd have to stay in the hospital wing and miss the match.

"I wonder how it's going?" James asked from the bed next to Sirius.

"We're going to lose," Sirius replied. "It's Remus and Peter."

"They might be better than we think," James said hopefully.

"I played Quidditch with Remus once," Sirius said. "He was playing Beater but he was awful. Trust me, we're going to lose."

"Do you think that Regulus is going to send you more letters like that?" James asked.

"I don't know. It's not like we can even do anything about it either. He's blackmailing us."

"If we ever found him, we could obliviate him," James said.

"_If_ we ever find him," Sirius said, looking annoyed. "We'll never find him."

"But if we do find him, obliviating him is a good plan, right?

"Definitely," Sirius replied.

**##**

When James and Sirius were finally allowed out of the hospital wing that night, they ran straight up to the common room to hear the news about the match.

When they walked in, they didn't even need to ask. Everybody was cheering, and Peter was being thrown in the air by a group of fifth years. He had a bottle of Firewhiskey in his hand and was screaming "we did it!".

James grinned and ran over to congratulate Peter. "Well done, mate! I can't thank you enough."

Sirius walked towards Remus, who was by the window playing a game of exploding snap with Frank Longbottom.

"Congrats," Sirius said quietly to Remus, who looked up at him.

"Oh," Remus said. "Uh, thanks."

"Thanks for helping us out today," Sirius said. "It means a lot."

"It wasn't for you," Remus replied, turning back to his game. "I was protecting James."

Sirius nodded. "Well... see you later."

Remus ignored him, and Sirius walking back over to where James was. "We have to see Dumbles soon," he said.

"Oh yeah," James said.

**##**

When the ten Gryffindors who had been called to see Professor Dumbledore arrived at the headmaster's office, they were joined by five seventh year Hufflepuffs and five seventh year Ravenclaws.

Everybody seemed to be as confused as they were.

"I guess we aren't in trouble, then," Joanna Knight from Ravenclaw whispered to her friend. "Not if the head boy and girl are here too."

Sirius spotted Will, who grabbed Remus's hand and smiled.

"Do you know what's going on?" Frank asked James, Sirius and Peter who all shrugged.

"Ah, you're all here," Professor Dumbledore said from behind them. They all turned around to see the headmaster smiling down at them with that twinkle in his eyes. "Let us all proceed upstairs to my office, then."

Two-by-two, they all made their ways up into Dumbledore's office and gathered around to hear what the headmaster had to say.

"You're probably all wondering why I've called you here tonight," he said. There were a few murmurs around the room. "Well, I wanted to inform you of something you may be interested in after you finish Hogwarts."

Sirius and James exchanged excited glances and then looked back at Professor Dumbledore.

"I must warn you though, that what I am about to tell you is very top secret, so before I speak to you about it, I will need you all to promise that what I say to you tonight will remain only amongst the people in this room."

Everybody in the room looked at each other, so as to confirm who was in there with them.

"Alright," Professor Dumbledore said. "As you know, Lord Voldemort has been recruiting people to become what they like to call themselves 'Death Eaters'. People are starting to fear that there's going to be a war on our hands."

"What does that have to do with us?" asked a girl in Hufflepuff – Shannon Bowler.

"I have asked you all here tonight for a similar reason. I'd like to recruit."

A confused murmur travelled around the room.

"The Order of the Phoenix is a secret society. We are working to bring Lord Voldemort down, but to do that we'll need more members. I've brought you all here as I believe that you twenty would be perfect for the job. Of course, you may turn this opportunity down but you must swear not to speak of it to anybody."

Sirius glanced at James, who was wearing an excited smile. Sirius understood the smile as he was wearing the exact same one. They were definitely going to join.

"So where do we sign if we want to join?" Marlene asked eagerly, before anybody else spoke.

Professor Dumbledore smiled. "I can't ask you to join today. I can ask that you all take a month or so to think about it, and then you may let me know. Thank you for coming to see me, and I will arrange for another meeting a month from now to see if we have any volunteers. Good night."

They all filed out of Dumbledore's office and gathered together in the corridor, speaking in loud whispers.

"No _way_ I'm joining!" Tina Baker said angrily. "And neither are you, Kelly," she said to her sister. "It's a death trap!"

"It's Dumbledore we're talking about here," Lily said to them quickly. "Is he really going to let us get hurt?"

"Everyone is prone to making mistakes. This could be Dumbledore's biggest mistake," Michael Applebee from Ravenclaw said, folding his arms.

"Oh come on, Mike," Will said. "It'll be fun. I'll join if you join."

"Well I'm not joining," Mary McDonald said, looking frightened. "I don't want to be anywhere near any Death Eaters."

"What kind of Gryffindor are _you_?" Frank said, looking at her in astonishment.

"A Gyffindor that wants to be a Healer, not a hero," Mary snapped back, looking annoyed.

"We really shouldn't be talking about this here," Remus whispered loudly. "Dumbledore said it was top secret."

"Remus is right," James said.

"Why is Lupin even _here_?" asked Kelly Baker. "He's a werewolf. Surely _he's_ not one to trust."

Remus took a step back, looking hurt. "Leave him alone," Sirius said quietly, glaring at the Hufflepuff. "He has every right to be here."

"Well," said Tina Baker. "If he's joining, then we won't be."

The two sisters stalked off down the corridor, leaving the rest of them all huddled together.

"I never liked them much anyway," said Xenophilius Lovegood. "They once told me I was mad."

Sirius looked away, in hope that he wouldn't start laughing. Of course Xenophilius Lovegood was mad – he spent hours a day cleansing the corridors of 'Nargles'.

"We should probably get going back to our dormitories," Lily said finally. "People will start to get suspicious if we all-"

"-Do you think it's a good idea?" Shannon from Hufflepuff asked Peter.

"I think it's a great idea," Peter replied, turning pink. Girls didn't usually talk to him. Shannon smiled and nodded.

"Me too."

Everyone watched them for a moment before James broke the silence. "Well, Lily's right. We should all go back now."

As the Ravenclaws started to leave, Will planted a kiss on Remus's head and whispered something to him, which made Remus smile. The Hufflepuffs left, with Shannon waving shyly at Peter, who waved back with a dopey grin on his face.

Finally, the Gryffindors decided to leave. When they reached their dormitory, Peter sighed happily.

"I'm going to ask her out tomorrow," he said.

"Who?" Remus asked. "Shannon Bowler?"

"Yes."

"I think she likes you," Sirius said.

"She definitely likes you," Lily said with a smile. "Go for it."

Peter grinned and nodded. "What about you, Sirius? I think you should ask somebody out. You've been single for a while now."

Sirius sighed and shook his head. "I'd rather be single for a while," he said.

And it was true. Although it hurt to watch Remus with Will, he decided he'd rather be single waiting for the one he loved rather than in a relationship with someone he didn't love. He'd wait forever for Remus, but somehow he thought that even forever wouldn't be enough.

**###**


End file.
